


The Memento

by SpiritLock



Series: Scars and Handcuffs [1]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Canon Divergence, Chess, Childbirth, Consensual Sex, Cullen's Coat, Dirty Talk, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, F/M, Handcuffs, Haven (Dragon Age), Marriage, Oral Sex, POV Alternating, Past Relationship Abuse, Past Violence, Pheromones, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Revelations, Sleight of Hand, Some Humor, Some angst, Spanking, Unplanned Pregnancy, bandits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-23
Updated: 2015-10-21
Packaged: 2018-04-23 02:16:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 48,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4859318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpiritLock/pseuds/SpiritLock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cullen thinks the Herald is irresponsible. Krista Trevelyan thinks the Commander is overbearing. Then they end up handcuffed together in a bandit camp.</p>
<p>Neither of them realise where this would lead them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen and Krista need to form an alliance to escape

Well, wasn’t this going to be fun, Krista thought cynically. Of all the people to be handcuffed to in a bandit camp, it had to be the Commander. She could see from his clenched jaw, it wouldn’t be long before she got the angry talk again. All she wanted was to have a little peace from being the Herald, from the feeling of tension that built up. She’d found this little spot on her first ‘excursion’ and usually managed at least half an hour before being found by one of the soldiers. 

It had always been quiet until today. But today was when she ran into bandits, and today was when Cullen came to find her. Maker, he must have been really angry to come after her himself. Cullen arrived to find a dagger at her throat, and of course he’d disarmed rather than see her throat slit. They were lucky they were both worth something in ransom, otherwise they’d be dead.

The bandits had taken all their gear, including the picks on her belt. They were now drinking and boasting about how much ransom they could get. But Krista always kept a couple of picks and some knockout powder hidden on her, and had formulated a plan to get them out of there. She would need Cullen’s help, but first she needed him to calm down, and she needed to apologise.

Cullen was fuming. How often had he told the Herald not to wander off on her own, and yet she did it again. When he tried to explain the dangers, she would just stand there looking at him, smiling, hands behind her back, saying “I understand, Commander”. Evidently, she didn’t, or didn’t want to. Maker, was she doing this on purpose just to wind him up? He couldn’t understand what went on her head. Didn’t she realise she held the fate of Thedas in her left hand? Maker’s breath, she was too reckless. He was about to rub his neck, when he realised his hand was chained to hers. He switched to his other hand.

“Commander...” he heard, and that was it. He lost his temper with her. 

“Of all the asinine...what were you thinking? Do you have any idea what you are risking? Makers breath! You are too reckless, Herald. Sometimes I wish we could lock you up to save you from yourself!” Cullen looked at her, expecting the usual response. He was unprepared for the explosion that came. 

“Well, you already act like my jailor, so sure, go ahead, throw me in the cells. You wouldn’t even need to put shackles on me, those already went on the day you all made me the Herald. Do you know how overbearing you are? Yes, I know I made a mistake today. It’s bloody obvious looking at the situation we’re in. I was about to apologise for getting us into this mess, and suggest a way out...”

Krista hesitated and went to rub her forehead, which was now beginning to pound. She’d forgotten she was still attached to Cullen. “Oh for fuck’s sake...” she muttered as his hand dragged up with hers. Krista slammed her hand down again, and looked away. She didn’t want him to see the angry tears now rolling down her face; she didn’t want to give him the satisfaction.

Cullen was stunned, he’d never seen her angry. Come to think of he’d never heard her complain either. She’d always done what they asked of her, except for when she went off on her own. It had never occurred to him she might feel trapped; he just thought she was irresponsible. Maker knows he didn’t have a lot of patience with her. 

And she saw him as her jailor. He knew what it was like to be trapped, to be imprisoned; the dreams haunted him still. To think that the Herald was looking at him like that...Maker. He, of all people, should have known better than to threaten to lock someone up like that. Andraste preserve me, I have to apologise, to try to repair this. And if she has a way out we need to try. Who knows if the bandits decide to change their minds about the ransom. Unlikely, but it could happen.

“Herald...” Krista interrupted him.

“Commander, just leave me alone please. I’ve had enough of your lectures.” Her voice was weary. She wasn’t angry anymore, but she really didn’t want to talk to him. She hated that he had made her lose it like that.

“Krista?”

This threw her; he’d never used her name before. Oh Maker, let’s get this over with. “Yes, Commander?” She still didn’t want to look at him. Her eyes were red, and someone had dropped a drum in her head. 

“What do you do when you come here?” Cullen asked.

She turned around so fast. From the shocked look on her face, he could see she didn’t believe what she’d heard. He repeated it. He then noticed her red eyes, and eyelids drooping slightly. She started rubbing her forehead with her free hand, a movement he knew only too well.

She finally spoke “I scream.” The raw honesty shook him.

“You...you scream?” he asked.

“Yes, I scream. It relieves the tension that builds up. Otherwise I feel like I’m suffocating, drowning, and I get these headaches. When I’ve screamed enough, I sit quietly for while, so when I come back, I can carry on.” Krista saw the shocked look on his face. 

“Why did you never say?” he asked.

“You never asked.” she replied, her tone just matter of fact. What would have been the point anyway she thought. All he was concerned about was the mark on her hand; she was just the nuisance attached to it. He was now watching her carefully. 

When he spoke, his tone was measured. “Krista, I never thought, I am sorry for my behaviour. And I apologise for threatening to lock you up, that was unkind and unworthy of me.” 

Her initial reaction was to think this was a ploy, but realised that although Cullen was many things, he wasn’t deceitful.

“Thank you. I’m sorry too, maybe I should have spoken up, but you don’t make it easy. And I...” she paused. “I wanted to get back at you for making me feel...confined and inadequate. So when you lectured me...Maker, it seems so juvenile now...I tried to wind you up.” There, she’d said it, she told him; he could shout at her again if he wanted. Right then she didn’t care. 

Cullen was smiling, shaking his head. “I had wondered.“ he said calmly.

“You’re not angry?” the surprise evident in her face. 

“No. Perhaps I should be, but the absurdity of the situation hit me. That it took this to make us talk to each other.”

Krista smiled at this admission. It was a different smile to the one she usually gave him, softer, less forced.

“You said you had a plan?”

Krista nodded. “I do, but I need your help.”

Of course he would help. “It’s yours. Tell me what you need.”

Krista outlined her plan to Cullen. She saw him nodding, and said “Ok. Let’s try that.” She looked over at the bandits. There were only five of them, two were passed out, and the other three looked fairly drunk. Maker, whatever they were drinking, it was bloody strong. Their reactions would be slow; good she thought. 

Krista kept her eye on them as she reached down into her pants. Harritt had added a small pocket there at her request; just big enough to stash a few things without being noticeable. She fished out the picks. Luckily they had just cobbled together a couple of iron cuffs, a chain linked through them and then padlocked. Unluckily, the chain was short; and because the padlock was slightly rusted, she had to do the lock two handed.

Now came the bit she’d dreaded earlier, but somehow it didn’t seem so bad now. They carefully and slowly manoeuvred so Cullen had his back to the bandits. She then sat astride his legs, and together they bought up the lock give her access. Krista leant the lock on her leg and started working on it. She put tension on the bolt, and then started working on each lever in turn; feeling for resistance, and then lifting each lever to the right height when she found it. 

Being this close to Cullen wasn’t as uncomfortable as she’d expected it be. As she worked on the lock she noticed he had a warm musky type of smell that seemed to seep into her. It made her want to lean closer just to sniff him, to draw it in. Oh for the love of...what was wrong with her? She felt the bolt open as the she lifted the last lever. Krista looked at Cullen, he was staring at her.

Cullen had been watching her work. He could see she was feeling and listening her way through, as she picked the lock. He’d seen rogues work, but she had a deftness to her he’d not seen before. She was close enough for him to become aware of her scent. Was that her or something she wore? The more he smelt it, the more it seemed to permeate into him. When he looked up at her he noticed a slight nick on her neck where the bandit’s knife had caught her. The scar on her cheek, he wondered how she’d got that; the little bolt she had through the top of her ear. He was still staring at her, when she looked at him. He saw her blush and looked away. Makers breath! What was wrong with him?

Krista felt heat in her face and just knew she was blushing. Cullen looked away. Get your shit together and focus she thought. Maker, she hadn’t kept an eye on the bandits. She glanced over his shoulder quickly. It was fine, there was only one left awake now. “Take your cuff and move the chain out, but quietly. I’ll do mine.” 

Once they were both free, Krista got the powder ready. “Right most of them are passed out, but one is still awake. We won’t have long, but he will be slowed from the drink. So the moment you see the powder, run for our gear, I’ll grab the horses. Oh...one more thing.”

She reached into a pocket in her jacket, pulling out a scarf. “Put this scarf over your nose and mouth. The particles are quite coarse, so you should be fine.” She watched as he put the scarf on, and then she pulled hers up.

Krista stealthed. She moved carefully to where the bandits were, creeping in as close as she could. She broke the bag, and the particles glittered in the moonlight as they rained down on the bandits below. She saw Cullen move to get their gear. On a whim, she grabbed the bottle in front of her, and then made a dash for their horses. When they met up, he’d already sheathed his sword. He quickly handed over her daggers and belt. Sheathing her daggers and slinging her belt across the saddle, she climbed on her horse clutching the bottle. She managed to slip it into the saddlebag as they raced out. They were gone.

They rode their horses fast until they were sure no one was following. When they were on the bridge just before Haven, Krista pulled up. She needed to talk to him before they got back.

“Cullen!” she shouted. He turned and trotted his horse to where she was waiting.

“Yes?” he replied. 

“Can we...discuss something before we return?” she watched him. 

“Of course.” he replied, his expression curious. 

Krista dismounted, and walked to the side of the bridge and leant on it. Cullen joined her. Krista rubbed her finger along the wall absentmindedly, staring ahead for a moment before she spoke. 

“Cullen, I don’t want to go back to the way were with each other. Working with you back at the bandit camp...I liked it. But I still need to be able to get away from time to time, just to...”she hesitated.

“To scream?” he asked. 

She laughed. “Exactly.” Krista turned to look at Cullen. “What do you think?” 

Cullen had been thinking about exactly that. He didn’t understand now why he’d been so angry with her, why he’d never bothered to ask questions.

“I don’t want to go back to the hostility there was between us either. I now understand why you needed to get away. And I may have a solution. After today, I think you would agree you can’t go on your own.” He could see her nodding. “So, how about I come with you? You’ve told me what you do, and I would suspect you don’t want everyone knowing about it.” Cullen could see her eyes wide like saucers. 

“You’d do that?” she asked. 

“I would know you were safe. And who knows, maybe I need to scream too.” he replied. Maker, if worked for her, maybe it might help him too.

Krista first giggled and then started laughing. The idea of Cullen screaming with her was just too funny. She could see Cullen smiling, it was warm and relaxed, and he had that little scar above his lip. She’d never really noticed it before. Krista put out her hand to Cullen. “I accept your conditions Commander.”

He took her hand. “I liked it better when you called me by my name.” he said, still holding her hand.

She felt herself blushing. “Ok...Cullen.” she replied. He let go of her hand.

Cullen coughed. “We’d better get back now.” They walked the horses the rest of the way back and took them to the stables. 

Krista suddenly remembered, and grabbed the bottle from her saddlebag. She presented the bottle to Cullen “Present for you Comman...sorry Cullen. A memento.” 

Cullen looked puzzled “Of?” he asked. 

“The day you stopped being my jailor and I stopped being a pain in the arse?” She was smiling, but he could see she was still a little hesitant. 

He laughed “I’ll drink to that.” He said. 

Krista continued. “And I wanted to find what it was that got them pissed so quickly.”

Cullen suddenly realised the bottle was from the bandit camp. “You got this as we escaped?”

Krista nodded. 

“I have truly underestimated you, haven’t I?” Cullen shook his head. 

“We’re both guilty of that.” She replied. 

“So, when do you want to...?” Cullen mouthed a scream. 

“Tomorrow? If you have time that is.” she asked. 

“Tomorrow it is then.” They were smiling at each other, oblivious to their surroundings.

They didn’t notice Varric pass by, look at them and get out a little book. Well, let’s see who picked Curly, his finger went down the page, he found Cullen’s name and Bull’s next to it. Shit, had he given him those odds? He should have known by now, never trust a Ben-Hassrath. Andraste’s tits, this was going to cost him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen and Krista find a suitable place to scream

Cullen had left instructions with Rylen that he and the Herald had some business to attend to, and would be back in a few hours. He knew Rylen would be able to take care of anything that came up while he was away. It occurred to him that this was probably the first time he’d allowed himself this much free time. Work was his distraction, to prevent him thinking about the pain and craving he still felt, after he stopped taking the lyrium. Not to mention the dreams that hampered him getting any proper sleep. Cullen started to make his way to the stables.

He was actually looking forward to getting away. The smile Krista gave him when they’d arranged today, he really wanted to see it again. It seemed to wake up a memory of the time when he felt good about himself, something he hadn’t felt in a long time. Cullen shook his head and smiled. All those times he’d reprimanded her, never once thinking of asking what made her want to get away. Sometimes, he really was an arse. Cullen reached the stables. Good, he’d got here before her. He slipped the bottle into his saddlebag and waited for Krista to arrive.

Krista finished packing her rucksack. She normally went off just as she was, but this time she decided to take along some food and drink. Maybe for distraction, in case things got awkward? All she knew was that she was nervous. This had always been her secret, but this time she wouldn’t be alone. Before yesterday, if someone had said that she would be doing this with Cullen, she would have probably died laughing, or thrown up, or maybe both. Now he would see her at her most primal, and she was worried about what he might think of her. 

Maker! Before yesterday, she would have done anything to avoid him. Now she was worrying what he thought of her? Krista shook her head in disbelief. She looked at the scarf on her bedside cabinet, the one he’d given back to her. It had absorbed that same musky smell of him she caught when picking the lock. It had somehow wormed its way into her and it made her feel...something. Urgh, she was overthinking again. She grabbed her blades, and went off to find Cullen.

Cullen saw her coming and took hold of both bridles, walking the horses over to meet her.

“Morning.” he smiled.

“Hey you” she replied smiling back at him. He felt that same lightness bubble through him. “So I hope you know where we’re going.” he joked.

She winked back, “I have an idea, if you like to follow me, Commander.”

Cullen frowned at her mockingly.

“Ah sorry...Cullen” she added. He did like hearing her say his name. 

Krista saw Dennet out of the corner of her eye, and knew he would be puzzled. He’d been her secret conspirator in her excursions. When he saw her heading to the stables on her own, he’d leave, allowing her to ride off. She turned slightly so Cullen wouldn’t see her and winked at him. A wry smile crossed his lips as he walked away. She stashed her backpack in the saddlebag.

They mounted their horses and rode out of Haven. Krista knew this spot wasn’t far. She simply never used it because it was too close to Haven. Now that didn’t matter. She pulled up when she spotted the trail, and motioned Cullen to follow her. It was narrow, so they had to go through in single file. They eventually came out into a small clearing. Ahead was a wide stream with a broken bridge partially crossing it. They dismounted and tied up the horses.

Cullen looked around. Something here reminded him of the lake back in Honnleath. The one he used to visit, to get some peace from his siblings. Maker, that seemed like an age ago now. He still had a vague recollection of the fresh-faced, earnest boy who wanted to help people, a world away from the damaged man he was now. Still he liked it here, it was a good spot. A voice interrupted his thoughts.

“Cullen?”

He saw a concerned look on Krista’s face. “Sorry just lost in thought, remembering.” he replied.

“OK” she smiled at him. “So, how does this work, what do you do then?” he asked.

“Well, I’ll tell you what works for me. I stand and close my eyes, then try and draw up all the feelings making me tense, could be anger, despair, hate, guilt, shame or whatever. I let them all start to bubble up inside, and then when I scream I imagine I’m throwing them up and out. The tension then eases.” Krista blushed, it felt strange telling someone else this. “It sort of sounds silly when I say it out loud.” She shuffled her foot, rolling a twig on the ground.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, would you rather I went further away?” Cullen turned.

“Don’t go!” she said grabbing his arm. Maker, what was wrong with her? “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be so abrupt.” Before she could pull her hand away, he put his hand on hers.

“It’s OK, I’ll stay then.” His hand was still resting on hers.

She certainly didn’t have delicate little hands, but his hand dwarfed hers. She felt butterflies in her stomach and her face flushing. “Thank you.” she replied, her voice quiet. Get a grip Krista, she thought. 

Cullen realised he still had his hand on hers, and now she was blushing. He moved it and she let go of his arm. He looked away. Now he’d embarrassed her. Another thing to add to the list he thought. He heard her sigh, and looked back at her.

“OK I’m going to go for it. It’s entirely up to you if you want to join in. I know you came here just to make sure I was safe.” She smiled at him and walked forward to the edge of the stream.

Cullen sat down and watched her as she raised her arms from her sides a little. He heard the deep breaths she was taking, in and out, in and out. Then, she leaned forward ever so slightly and screamed.

Maker, she had a set of lungs on her. It was...loud, really loud. He’d heard explosions quieter than the volume Krista was putting out now. Cullen wondered if they could hear her back in Haven. He saw birds take flight out of the trees, and heard rustling in the bushes. He imagined small animals making a run for it; he certainly would have done if he was one. The only thing stationary was a nug crouched by the bridge, that looked like it was in shock. Cullen threw a twig toward it, to try and encourage the poor thing to move before the volume burst its eardrums. It skittered off over the bridge and promptly fell into the stream. He knew he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t help laughing. Luckily it managed to swim to the other side of the bank, and ran off. 

When Krista stopped screaming, she could hear Cullen laughing. What the...? She looked at him, she hadn’t expected this response. Shock maybe, but not this. And his laugh, what was that? It sounded like a half cackle. She tried not to, but couldn’t help laughing at the noise he was making. He tried to speak, but all she could understand was, “the nug.” By this point, both of them were in hysterics, him laughing at ‘the nug’ and her laughing at his laugh. Eventually they both calmed down taking deep breaths to try and recover. Krista came and sat next to him.

Cullen looked at Krista “Please don’t think I was laughing at you. There was this nug...” He recounted the story.

“Sweet Andraste!” she spluttered and started laughing again.

Watching her laugh set Cullen off again. Maker, his sides were really aching now. Krista was pointing at him “your laugh...” was all she got out.

“I know...” was all he managed to reply. By this point both of them were doubled over, and it took a while before either of them were in a fit state to talk. “Maker’s breath! I can’t remember the last time I laughed like this.” Cullen finally said.

Krista smiled at him, “It looks good on you.” That smile again, he thought. 

Krista felt her throat was now dry, and remembered her back pack. “I need something to drink, and I have supplies” she announced. She fetched her backpack and took out a bottle of fruit juice and water. They passed the bottle between them, both taking big gulps. She looked at Cullen and noticed he was rubbing his neck again. “Do you get pain in your neck, is that why you rub it so much?”

“It’s more of a heavy ache and I can never seem to get rid of it fully” he replied.

Krista paused and then said “I could try and help with that.” She saw Cullen look at her for while before he said “Alright.” 

“I need you to take off your coat and breastplate first.”

Cullen took off his coat and unstrapped his breastplate. Krista took off her coat and rolled up her sleeves. She sat behind him. He felt her fingers on his neck, pressing gently over it, and then his shoulders.

“I’m just checking for where the tension is worst” she said. Krista gave a little laugh “Maybe you should have screamed.”

Cullen turned slightly “I don’t think I’d have the energy now, after laughing so much. I still feel a little lightheaded.”

“Me too.” she replied.

“Cullen, this may hurt a bit at first. Can you deal with that?” she asked hesitantly.

“Go ahead, I think I can endure it” he answered. He thought it couldn’t be any worse than...“Oww, you weren’t joking”.

“I did warn you. Do you want me to stop?” she asked.

“No, carry on. It just caught me by surprise”. 

He gritted his teeth, but then the pain began to subside, and he could feel his neck and shoulders warming as she worked on them. It became more soothing, as she worked more gently now. He noticed her scent again. He started to feel sleepy, and just wanted to lean back, fall into her arms and go to sleep. 

Krista felt Cullen suddenly go limp, and start to fall back. Luckily she had her hands on his shoulders and managed to catch him. She lowered him down, and shuffled back so his head was resting on her lap. She then heard the gentle snoring. Krista giggled at first, but then thought, how tired must he be? She looked down at him, he did look peaceful. She sat there with him for a little while, all the time she could smell his musky scent. That same feeling started to flow through her, and her stomach was full of nervousness again. Krista bent down and breathed him in. An overwhelming desire to kiss his forehead came on her. 

For fuck’s sake, she thought, what is wrong with you? She sat up and looked away. Then, a little voice inside her head whispered, he’s asleep he won’t know. Andraste preserve me, I’m losing my mind now. Krista looked back at Cullen’s face and saw the little scar above his lip. And then she was lost. She leant down and kissed his forehead. The next thing she knew, she was flying backwards and just managed to turn and land on her side.

“Oww...” came out, and she rubbed her chin.

Cullen woke up to pressure on his forehead and then a pain there, before tipping onto the floor.

“Oww...” came out, and he rubbed his forehead. He looked up as Krista turned to face him. “What happened?” he asked still a little confused.

She was just staring at him, her mouth open. He then felt something greasy on his fingers. He looked at them, they were dark red. What the...? Cullen looked back at Krista, and then noticed her lipstick was smudged.

Krista wanted the ground to open up and swallow her. Shit, shit...why had she done it? It was one thing that they finally managed to get on, but kissing him. Oh Maker! She was so screwed. She saw him still looking at her and closed her eyes. She heard “Krista, open your eyes.” She opened one eye, and saw him smiling, then opened the other one. What? He wasn’t mad.

”I’m so so sorry, I...I don’t know what came over me. You were just lying there and...” the words just dried up.

Cullen was still smiling, he could see she looked so shocked. “Honestly, I don’t mind.” he said.

The relief on her face as she said “Thank the Maker!” 

It occurred to him, two days ago neither of them would have thought of anything but being angry with each other. Now, she wanted to kiss him. And he really didn’t mind. In fact, the more he thought about it... “Krista?”

“Yes?”

“Did you want to try again?” He watched, as first her eyes opened wide, and then she began to smile.

“Yes, Cullen.” Maker, that smile. She then smirked and asked “Do you want pick another lock?”

He paused before replying “Why not.”

Krista moved over to Cullen and sat across his legs as she’d done before. He put his hands on her hips, and she reached up to put her arms around his neck. They moved their faces closer. She could smell his scent again. This time the feeling was stronger. Her body flooded with anticipation; her heart racing, her face flushing, her legs turned to jelly. Krista looked at his mouth, with that scar and was lost again. She pushed her face forward and kissed Cullen hard, pushing her tongue into his mouth. The feel of his tongue moving over hers sent the heat racing through her body, pooling in her groin. She pressed against him, just wanting him so much.

Cullen caught her scent and felt the same draw he’d felt the previous night, but this time much stronger. Then she kissed him hard, and he felt her tongue against his lips. His body responded involuntarily to her. He opened his mouth to take her in and moved his tongue to meet hers, gliding over it. He felt small shocks of lightening sparking through him. As she moved closer, he could feel himself getting hard, and he just wanted pin her down and take her. Maker, how was she doing this to him? His sheer want of her was in danger of engulfing him. He had to stop.

Krista felt Cullen pull away. They were both breathless.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realise...” he started. He looked embarrassed.

“I should...” she moved to get off him.

“OK” he replied. 

She lifted herself up and sat next to Cullen. They sat together, just staring ahead silently. Her thoughts were tumbling; she didn’t want to leave it like this, but what could she say. This man who made her feel whole again; she didn’t want to lose him now. Why had she come on so strong and put him off? Maker, this was a mess. The tension started to bubble up inside her, and her stomach churned. There was only one thing to do.

Cullen sat there, wondering what on earth he could do. He didn’t know what to say to her, she looked so embarrassed. How could he have nearly lost control like that and ruined it? She made him feel so alive again and when she smiled...he felt so much...love for her. His thoughts were broken when he felt her get up, and watched as she walked to the edge of the stream. He guessed what was going to happen. 

But nothing did, she just stood there. He waited, but still nothing. Something was wrong. He got up, walked up to her and put his hand on her shoulder. “Krista?”

Krista turned and looked at Cullen. The scream had been replaced by tears, tears which had come and gone, but she could see him looking at the tracks running down her face. His face was full of worry. She couldn’t remember when she hurt as much as she did now. She’d realised something when she’d been standing there, and it was all too late. She felt strangely distant.

“Krista, what’s wrong?” he asked. 

She stood there looking at his face with that scar, and then said, “I’ve realised that I love you, just when I’ve lost you. Isn’t that ironic?”

Cullen was completely thrown by her statement. She loved him? She’d lost him? His mind raced trying to understand. Then it dawned on him, they’d totally misunderstood each other. He moved closer, and pulled her to him. “I love you too.” he said, and kissed her head. He could hear the confusion in her voice when she spoke.

“Wh...what?”

He had to smile. “You know what our problem is? We don’t talk to each other.” he said. 

He felt her moving slightly and then heard her laughing gently. “I think I’ve heard that somewhere before.” Her voice sounded brighter. He put his hand under her chin to lift up her head. She was smiling.

“Tell me again.” he said.

“I love you.” she answered, her eyes bright now.

“I love you too.” He leant down and kissed her gently and held her for a while.

Cullen realised they needed to go back soon. “Damn, we have to go back.” he said.

“I know.” Krista replied. He leant his forehead against hers. She patted his chest “You need to get your gear back on first.” They broke the embrace and he started to put his breastplate back on. 

Krista picked up his coat, and stood there looking at it, turning it around. “You know your coat, Cullen...” she started.

“What about my coat?” he turned to look at her.

“I used to hate your coat.” she said. 

“Why?” he asked.

She looked at Cullen and stroked the mane. “Remember when you used to tell me off?”

Cullen looked puzzled. “Yes?”.

“Well, the mane always looked like some animal that had fallen asleep across your shoulders, and when you started waving your arms about it moved. I did wonder when it would leap off your shoulders and bite me.” Krista giggled.

Cullen spluttered and started laughing. “Seriously?”

“Well...perhaps not seriously. My mind used to wander when I stopped listening to you.” she replied.

“You did what?” he laughed and dragged her to him. “Did you listen to anything I said?” he asked.

Krista smiled and stroked his scar, “Not much. But I wouldn’t miss anything you said now, if that’s any consolation. And...I like your coat better too.”

Cullen shook his head. “I suppose I should be grateful for small mercies.” 

Cullen suddenly remembered the bottle in his saddle bag. “I need to get my coat on. There’s a bottle in the saddlebag, can you get it for me.”

Krista pulled on her coat, and went to grab the bottle. When she saw it she started laughing.

Cullen grinned “You did want to try it, remember.”

She uncorked the bottle, took a swig and began to cough. “That is....unbelievably awful.” She held the bottle to Cullen.

He took a swig and coughed. “Maker’s breath! It is dreadful. Do you mind if I empty it and just keep the bottle?” She shook her head. He emptied the bottle, and they both watched as the grass started to sizzle. They looked up at each other and laughed.

Cullen motioned to the horses “Shall we?” Krista nodded.

They rode back to Haven and took the horses back to the stable. Krista looked around, and seeing it was clear, dragged Cullen by the mane down to kiss her. As they broke, they looked at each other and suddenly realised.

“Lipstick!” went two voices in unison. They cleaned each other’s faces.

Krista smirked and stood up on her toes, whispering in Cullen’s ear.

“Krista Trevelyan, are you trying to seduce me?” Cullen asked, smirking.

“Well, Cullen Rutherford, if you have to ask, I’m obviously not trying hard enough.” She laughed.

“Tonight then.” he said, still smirking.

Bull saw them leaving the stables together and smiled. They’d both been so focused on being angry, they couldn’t see what was underneath. Cullen had been so easy to push to fetch her that time. Bull hadn’t bargained on the bandits, but knew it wouldn’t have been a problem for them. And he’d won his bet.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The best laid plans often go awry.
> 
> Contains NSFW and PTSD

The day had been too long she thought. After this morning, the thought of Cullen trailed her like a shadow. She wanted to smell him, she wanted to kiss him again, she wanted to release the heat pooled inside her. She laughed. He’d called her reckless. Maker, she wanted to be more than reckless with him. Krista was normally controlled around men she was attracted to; she learnt to be through experience. Her hand absentmindedly touched the scar over her right breast. This was the first time in so long she’d felt able to let go. And she wanted to, with him.

Maker, she hoped he didn’t change his mind. She knew about him, but really didn’t know him. Up until yesterday, there had only been their anger at each other, yet now she loved him? It was both frightening and exhilarating. He made her tender and hot, at the same time. Her fingers ran over her lips, evoking the sensations and the taste when she kissed him. She closed her eyes, picturing herself sitting astride him. Her mind began to follow the path of what would have happened, had he not stopped her. A knock at the door broke into her thoughts.

Cullen walked over the training ground towards Krista’s cabin. He had forgone his usual armour and coat, for just a shirt, pants and boots. He’d laughed to himself when he looked at his coat sitting on the bedroll. It would leap off and bite her indeed! Maker, this woman was something else. Her smile had haunted his thoughts all day. Not only her smile, he thought smirking. The way she made him feel less broken, more human, and wanted, and especially wanted. 

He’d seen her earlier talking to Bull, at the other side of the training ground. At first he was tempted to go over, then decided just to watch her. Before, Cullen would have avoided looking at her because she annoyed him, but now he wanted to look at her. The way she stood, she had a low centre of gravity, not uncommon in archers. Krista could never be described as delicate, she was built strongly, but her movements were all agile, flowing. She didn’t walk as much as prowl, like a cat. Cullen arrived at her door and knocked.

Cullen! “Come in” she shouted.

When he came in, she smiled at him broadly. This was the first time she’d seen him out of his armour, and he looked amazing. A tingle ran down her spine, to add to the heat already built up inside her. He moved to kiss her, but she stopped him.

“One moment.” she said, pulling out a small stool and standing on it. “Ready now.” Krista saw him shake his head, and said “What? Your neck is bad enough already without you bending down to kiss me all the time.” 

Cullen laughed. He put the bottle down and took hold of her hips; she folded her arms around his neck. As he kissed her, Krista pushed herself against him. He could feel her breasts through his shirt, pushing against his chest. He moved his arm up her back to check. She wasn’t wearing a breastband. What else wasn’t she wearing he thought. Just thinking about that provoked a response in him. He kissed her harder and she let out a faint mewl. That didn’t help either. The same feeling of pure desire overtook him.

Krista felt Cullen move his hands over her bottom and pull her against him. She moaned when she felt how hard he was. She laced her fingers into his hair and heard a low growl. It reverberated through her mouth like an echo. I want you, I need you, I’m yours, anything you want, burned in her thoughts. Krista then heard the door burst open. They both froze.

“Krista darling, I’ve come to whisk...ah oops.” Dorian paused and looked at Cullen “Hello Cullen.”

Krista broke the kiss and glared at Dorian. Cullen was blushing now, and she guessed she probably wasn’t far off the deep shade of red running across his face. 

Dorian was smiling broadly. “Well then, I can see you’re both occupied, so I shan’t keep you. Please continue, and may I suggest you lock the door. Looking at the two of you, I suspect I could have interrupted something far more...intimate.” The last word was heavily emphasised. Krista groaned. She watched Dorian close the door smiling still. 

Cullen looked at Krista. “Maker’s breath!” he said, and watched as she burst out laughing. He had to smile. Dorian was right; they should have locked the door. “Shall I?” he asked.

“Please, if you would.” She was smiling now. Cullen went and locked the door. Both of them were a little embarrassed. “Maybe we ought to eat? I see you bought a bottle.” Krista picked up the bottle, peering at the label. “Cullen! You bought whisky, how did you know?” She looked at him grinning.

“To be honest, I didn’t. I just picked up a bottle at the tavern.” He rubbed his neck.

“Ah, well. I guess you like it too then. Works for me.” she replied, almost sounding like Bull. He knew she spent most of her time with Bull and Dorian.

Cullen watched as she bent down looking in the basket on the floor. As she did, her lower back bared and he could see part of a tattoo. It made him curious as to how much more of it there was. There were a lot of things about Krista he was curious about. He got some information regarding her from Leliana, but that didn’t tell him who she was. Well, he’d just have to find out, and he wanted to start with how far that tattoo stretched. Dorian’s interruption had stemmed his ardour, but not cooled it completely.

“Glasses! Finally!” Krista announced. She filled both glasses, and handed one to Cullen.

“What shall we drink to?” he asked.

“Your turn to make the toast, I sort of did the last one. Even though the drink itself was atrocious.” She smiled.

She watched Cullen as he thought for while, before saying “May we kiss those we please, and please those we kiss.” 

Krista flushed. The thought of him pleasing her, Maker. She thought she’d burn up there and then; like she’d been caught in one of Dorian’s fire glyphs. Cullen lifted his glass, watching the flush blooming on her upper body, her nipples pushing against the flimsy material of her shirt. He’d hit something there he thought. Krista lifted her glass and they drank. He noticed she‘d emptied the glass. He’d heard she could take her drink, but...Maker.

“So...there was an implication of food?” he asked.

When she replied, her voice was a little shaky “There was indeed.” She pulled out bread and meats from the basket and put them on the table. They both grabbed some and she filled both glasses.

“You don’t have any chairs?” he asked.

“No...it’s either the floor or...the bed. Take your pick.” Her voice was more normal now. They both sat down on the bed to eat.

Krista had calmed some now, but the combination of his toast and the whisky had made her legs feel unsteady. She shuffled up to the top of the bed, flicked off her shoes and stretched her legs out. Cullen sat back leaning against the chest of drawers at the foot of the bed. 

“We both know how we feel about each other, but we don’t actually know much about each other.” She paused. “So...I thought we could play a question game?” she ventured.

Cullen looked at her “Go on.”

Krista continued ““We each take it on turn to ask a question about each other, no limits. But each of us gets to pass if we don’t want to answer now, so there’s no pressure. You get to start.”

“Sounds fair”, he replied. He knew what his first question would be. “Ok, my first question is...how many tattoos have you got and what are they?”

“That’s two questions, you get one now and one after I’ve asked my mine” She winked at him. “I have three tattoos. The one you can see on my hand. And two more." 

“My turn now,” Krista said. “Why does Varric call you Curly?”

Cullen groaned “I was hoping you wouldn’t ask me that one.”

“You can pass if you want.”

Cullen sighed, “No...it’s fine. My hair doesn’t naturally stay like this.” He gestured to his hair. ”It needs coaxing... a bit.” 

Krista moved her head to one side to get a better view. “You style it?” she asked.

“That’s another question” he smiled.

“Rats, so it is”.

Cullen smiled, “So? Tattoos?”

“Sorry, yes I have two more, a swallow near my left clavicle and a black cat design over my back.”

“Really? All over? Can I see it?” 

Cullen was staring intently at her. The eagerness with which he asked caused a shiver to smack into her spine. “I think it was my turn to ask a question, Cullen” Krista smiled.

“Indeed it was. My apologies.”

“You style your hair?” she asked.

“As I said, it needs coaxing...yes” he looked a bit embarrassed.

“You asked about my cat.”

“I did.” he was staring again and she could see his breath had quickened.

“Cullen, I can show you my cat...if really you want to see it...” She knew she was teasing him now.

“Show me.” His voice was almost a command.

Krista got up and turned around, and heard Cullen get up and move behind her. The smell of him was almost overpowering. She dragged her shirt over her head and held it over her breasts. She heard him gasp as he saw it.

“Sweet Maker! It practically covers your back, it’s incredible...” He stopped, and she waited. “I’d like to touch it.” Cullen was almost growling. 

There were way too many sensations whirling around inside her. Her heart trying to hammer its way out of her chest; her spine like someone had pressed a lightning bolt against it; and an almost painful ache adding to the heat and wetness that had been building up inside her, for what seemed hours now.

“Go ahead.” Her voice was almost rasping. 

Krista felt his finger following the lines of her tattoo. It was made up of many lines spread out over most of her back, and Cullen seemed to be touching every single one of them. Every line he traced was like a flame running over her skin. Any form of control was slipping away, line by line, trace by trace. Every touch now made her tremble. Moans fell from her lips. Her knees threatened to buckle under her. Her shirt was twisted around her arms. 

Cullen could feel and hear Krista melting, falling apart before him. Yet there was this insane need to keep making her moan, even though he was already so hard it had started to hurt. She suddenly began to fold at the knees. He grabbed her hips to steady her and she fell against him with a loud groan.

“Cullen...please...”

He kissed her neck. “Please what?” he asked, his voice husky.

“Please...fuck...me” she replied, her voice breaking.

With that he picked her up and laid her down on the bed. He unwrapped the shirt she’d twisted around her arms, and then took off her pants. He pulled off his own clothes and moved between her legs. Her hands reached up and pulled his head down, dragging his mouth to hers. He kissed her, then broke away. She closed her eyes. He buried himself deep into her. Then he couldn’t stop. His need for her; his want of her; the smell of her; the way she moaned when he touched her. He was pounding into her, fast and hard. The pressure in his head built higher, he could barely think. 

At first she was gasping; then he could feel her panting getting more ragged, and she began to moan loudly. He responded by moving faster. Her hands were now clutching at the bedclothes. And then “please don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop...” the words flew out of her mouth, she arched up and screamed. He felt her grip on him, vice-like, and the rhythmic ripple of her muscles. It pushed him over the edge. He couldn’t hold on and let go inside her, groaning as he came. Krista lay on the bed shuddering, his ears were ringing. He pulled out and lay on the bed next to her gasping for breath.

Maker’s breath! People were definitely going to hear that. He was now concerned someone might think she was being attacked in her cabin. He could just imagine the gossip if one of guards broke down the door and found them. As if on cue, there was a wrapping on the door and Josephine’s voice called out “Krista, are you alright?” Cullen froze. 

Krista was still an unholy mess, but conscious enough to be aware of Josephine’s concerned request. Her voice was weak, but she managed to answer. “It’s OK Josie, just another bad dream. I’m fine. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome” came the reply and footsteps walked away. Krista opened her eyes and looked at Cullen. He was totally still. “Cullen?”

He turned to her “I think my heart just stopped.”

“Don’t worry, they’re used to me screaming, I get nightmares. But they always come to check if I’m Ok.” She touched her hand to his face.

“Thank the Maker...sorry...I mean...” he stopped. “You have nightmares?”

“Often” Krista replied “I have since I fell out of the Fade.”

Cullen looked at her, and suddenly realised, she had headaches; she suffered from tension; she had nightmares. Maker, it was like looking in a mirror. He hesitated, seeing the jagged scar over her right breast. It looked like the sort of scar left to mend on its own. She obviously hadn’t been to a healer. She saw him looking at it, but didn’t try to hide it.

“How do you...how do you deal with them?” he asked looking at her. The old fear had seized him now, trying to haul him back into the dark pit he had fought to escape from.

Krista could see the anguish in his face now. “Cullen, come here.” she said softly. She wrapped her arms around him and drew him to her. “I scream, remember.”

She lay there holding onto him, stroking his head. She didn’t know what was wrong, but felt it was something deep and terrible. It showed in his eyes. He said nothing and she didn’t question. It started to get colder and she got them both under the bedclothes. She was still holding him and stroking his head, when he fell asleep in her arms. She carefully leant over and took the dagger from under his pillow, and put it under hers. Krista watched Cullen for a while, until sleep finally overtook her as well.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monsters from the id.*
> 
> *quote from Forbidden Planet (1956)
> 
>  
> 
> Contains NSFW and PTSD

Krista became dimly aware of movement next to her. She opened her eyes. Cullen. He was writhing around, moaning in his sleep. The only words she could make out were “leave me”. Maker, was he having a nightmare? This woke her up. She had to be careful here, but her arms were still folded around him, and cramped up now. Shit, how am I going do this? If he woke up too suddenly, it could be a problem. The memory of Dorian trying to wake her up, and finding a knife at his throat was all too vivid.

Cullen moved slightly. Krista tried to pull herself away, but she was too slow. The movement roused him, he was up and his hands were round her throat before she could get away. Fuck! With his hands over her windpipe, she couldn’t call out. She grabbed at his arms, but he was too strong. There was only one other way, she kneed him in the balls. When he let go, she was off the bed, grabbing her dagger and rolling onto the floor away from him. Krista turned to face him with her blade raised. The blow looked like it might have roused him from whatever nightmare fugue he was in, she hoped. He was blinking, now doubled up with his hands cupped around his groin.

It was over, the dream was over. Why did his balls hurt though? Cullen looked up to see Krista crouched on the floor, panting, holding her blade up. Even half asleep still, he worked out what had happened. What he’d tried to kill wasn’t the demon, it was her. He went to move towards her.

“Wait!” her tone was fierce, insistent. He stopped dead. “Who am I?”

“Krista.”

“Where are you?”

Cullen was confused for a moment then answered “Haven.”

She lowered her blade and got up. “Just wanted to make sure you were awake.”

He watched as she put her dagger back under the pillow. “You sleep with a dagger under your pillow?” he asked.

“Old habits” she replied.

Cullen saw the red handprints on her neck. He took hold of her arm; there was a brief flash of a flinch. “Krista, forgive me...I” he began, but she interrupted.

“You were having a nightmare, I know. I’m familiar with how this works, remember.”

Cullen couldn’t understand how her tone was so matter of fact. “Maker’s breath! I tried to kill you.” he said, his voice now raised.

“I don’t think it was me you meant to kill.” Cullen sensed there lay a question under the statement. He ignored it.

How can you be so calm?” he said incredulously.

“You’re not the first person who’s tried to kill me. And judging by the way this Inquisition is going you won’t be the last.” This time he heard her voice slightly waver, but her face was impassive, blocking emotion from leaking out.

“What made you like this? What happened to you?” he asked. He could recognise when someone was feigning courage, he did it enough himself.

Krista looked at Cullen “What happened to you?” she snapped back.

She was on the defensive now, but saw her sharp reply hit too deep. Cullen looked away. She knew she shouldn’t have done it, it was a low blow. Whatever happened to him was bad enough, now he felt guilty for what he’d done to her. When she spoke, her tone was soft, soothing.

“Cullen, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have jumped down your throat like that. And there is nothing to forgive. You didn’t try to kill me. I was just...in the way.” Cullen took her hand and squeezed it.

We both have our secrets, she thought. Cullen was right when he said they didn’t talk to each other. Sometimes it was easier not to, especially between two people who were damaged enough already. Normally, people courted each other first; then came love and sex; then anger and fighting. They were working backwards. But neither of them was normal. Now she’d calmed down a bit, Krista became aware of the soreness in her neck and throat. Her hand went up to touch her neck. Cullen saw her.

“Let me have a look?” he asked hesitantly.

“OK” she answered.

He took hold of her chin, gently moving her face so he could get a better view. “It’s going to bruise you know. You should let the healers look at that. You can get something to bring the bruise out. The pain goes sooner too.”

Krista had to smile. “What?” she heard him ask. 

“And how shall I say I got it?” She was grinning now, the realisation dawning on his face. “Should I say this was a result of a passionate night of sex with the Commander? Wouldn’t they wonder what sexual habits our Commander had?”

He was rubbing his neck now, and she heard “Maker’s breath!” “Actually, you have to admit though, even that would sound better than the Commander tried to strangle the Herald. What would people say?” she paused, “I heal fairly quickly, I’ll just need to wear a scarf until the bruises go down.” Krista could see he got the picture.

Cullen knew she was right; handprints on the neck would be a dead giveaway. He wasn’t exactly hiding when he came to her cabin last night. But this couldn’t happen again. He had to be sure she would be safe from him when he had another nightmare. He remembered how she’d asked him without actually voicing the question. Cullen wasn’t ready to tell her, not yet. And she wasn’t ready to talk to him. They were more similar than either of them had realised. At this point he didn’t know if it was a good thing or bad thing. Whatever happened, their relationship would not be a simple one.

“Krista...I don’t want this to happen again.” Cullen saw her looking at him, he could tell she was wondering where this was going, he could see a barrier beginning to go up. “We need to work something out, so you’re safe.”

She relaxed, then replied. “You’re right. But it works both ways you know. You could in as much danger from me, for the same reasons.” 

Krista recounted the story of what happened with Dorian. When she mentioned he was sleeping in her bed, she saw Cullen’s face, his jaw set, and realised what he was thinking. Shit, he didn’t know. “Cullen, before you blow a vein out, Dorian is not into women. Heck, he’d happily bang you though.” She’d never seen surprise and relief so beautifully mixed up on someone’s face before. “Don’t worry. You have me all to yourself.” 

She stroked his arm with back of her hand and saw him shudder slightly. A tingle ran down her spine, and she knew where this would go. How had a conversation about safety suddenly changed to this? Now it was in her head and it wouldn’t go. Krista shuffled her way back onto the bed, she had remembered something.

As she laid back, she stretched out and gave a deep sigh. Cullen was watching her now. “Anyway how could I deny anything to the man who saved my life?” She started stroking his leg with her foot. This opened up her legs slightly, and she could see where his glance went when she did that. “Don’t you remember?” 

Cullen moved closer, lifting her leg onto his and started to stroke her calf. “Remind me” he said his voice deeper.

“Back at the Temple of Scared Ashes. One of the rifts was pouring out demons before I arrived, and you and the soldiers were fighting them.”

“I remember” Cullen moved closer, to between her knees.

Krista had to move the other leg slightly behind his back, effectively making her open her legs wider. He was now stroking the inside of her thigh. She felt the heat rising inside her, the wetness building. Maker, at this rate she’d lose concentration before finishing the story.

“Well,” she started with a squeak, but then adjusted her voice. “There was a demon that had me trapped. I was backing up, backing up. It was almost on me and then it was gone. And you were standing there in your lion head helm.” Krista was struggling now. He’d moved again and was now sitting between her thighs, caressing her stomach. She could feel him hard against her leg. Her words came out breathlessly “You saved my life. So what would you ask of me?”

“Anything I desire?” his voice was husky. Cullen saw her head fall back, and a moan escape from her lips. Another trigger word? He remembered how she reacted to ‘please those we kiss’. “Well, I’d need to think about that. You’ll have to wait and see.”

Another moan. He shifted and began to move his way up her body, touching, kissing and licking her, watching as she responded to his touch; the little shivers, the gasps, the moans. He kissed his way up to her breasts and noticed the jagged scar again. He knew she loved to stroke the scar above his lip. He hesitated, but remembered she’d never tried to hide it. He started to draw his finger along the line of the scar.

Krista immediately realised where he was. Please Cullen, not there, not there. She knew she had to stop him. “Cullen, please stop.” But her voice was still breathless and it came out all wrong. He was still moving over her scar. She sat up now panicking, knocking him back. She shouted at him. “Not there! Not there!”

“Krista?” she could see by his face he realised something was wrong. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have.” 

Her body was still full of sensations from his touches, now mixed with panic and fear. It was horrible. She didn’t want his love mixed in with...her guilt, her shame. She wanted to run, she wanted to hide, she wanted him to go away. Not that, not with him, Maker not with him. Like the corpses in the Fallow Mire, this should have stayed dead and buried. She tried to claw back control, but every time she reached for it, it fluttered away.

She didn’t realise she was now sitting in a foetal position, rocking. She didn’t see Cullen’s eyes open wide and the look of concern on his face. She didn’t see him come and sit next to her. When she felt his arms around her and heard him say “Forgive me”, the dam burst and her tears flooded out. 

Whatever memory Cullen had triggered, he knew it was very, very bad. Someone who could calmly deal with nearly being strangled would not be embarrassed by a scar. Maker, it was so hard to see her afraid. But Cullen knew what fear like this was. Only last night it had haunted him again. There was a story behind it he needed to know, and had to ask. They weren’t just two damaged people here. He was the Commander of the Inquisition, and she was the Herald of Andraste. Tomorrow they’d be going to try and close the Breach and she had to be ready. He had to do exactly what he shouldn’t.

Krista, forgive me, he thought. He waited until her tears had eased. He could see she was distant, and this may be the best chance he had to get an answer.

“Krista, what does the scar mean?” he asked gently. At first he wasn’t sure if she’d heard him, but then she turned to face him.

“A memory, a warning, an accusation, shame, fear, hate, anger, death, murder...a memento.” She was still looking at him, and then it sank in what she’d admitted. She gasped putting her hand over her mouth. “Why would you ask? You, of all people.”

“Because you are the Herald and tomorrow you have to be ready. There is more at stake here than you and me.” He hated himself for saying it. He hated himself for causing it. He hated himself for hurting her.

Krista looked at Cullen. How could he, how could HE do this? Anger, hurt, fear, shame were all running through her. She needed to get out, she needed to be anywhere else, she needed to regain control. She needed to scream. “I need to get away, I need to scream.” She moved roughly out of his arms and started to get dressed.

“I’m coming with you,” he said.

“Please yourself” she answered.

She saw him get off the bed and get dressed. She opened the door. It was still early outside and chilly. Everything felt cold, hard, unreal. She felt Cullen put her coat over her shoulders, she put it on.

“Can I get my coat?” she heard him ask.

“Yes” she answered.

She waited for Cullen. Eventually they rode off to the spot they gone to the day before. She was barely holding on anymore. The memories of yesterday came back to her, and she pushed back on them. 

Krista walked to the river and screamed, and screamed and screamed and screamed. Tears were rolling down her face. She was a mess of emotions, and she wanted them all out, every single one of them. She didn’t want to feel anything. Finally there was no more; she was numb, spent and dizzy, and collapsed onto her knees. She could feel her head spinning, and started to fall. Someone scooped her up. Cullen.

“You’re a bastard” she said. She heard “I know” just before she passed out.

Cullen saw her falling and ran to catch her. He heard her say “You’re a bastard.” Her tone was flat.

“I know” he answered.

He shifted her now limp body so she was sitting on his knees and held her. He kissed her forehead “I’m sorry” he said, his voice breaking. He held onto her until she came round. She was still shaky, so he put her onto his horse with him, and they rode back to Haven. Neither of them spoke. He took her back to her cabin and put her to bed.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haven is destroyed. But where there is still a will...

Krista woke up and opened her eyes. Was she...oww...no, she was definitely alive. Pain kicked in as a reminder. She rolled over and sat up carefully. The pain in her left shoulder flared. She looked at it. Dislocated. Fuck, bad start. Gently she checked over her legs and torso as best she could, no broken bones at least. Her head was thumping, and as she staggered to her feet, a wave of nausea came over her. She threw up. Wonderful, she thought cynically.

Looking around, she saw a path ahead. Hoping it was a way out, she started walking. Eventually she came to an opening, and then the biting wind hit her. Maker, as if she wasn’t cold enough already. Walking was much harder in the snow, and she didn’t know where she was going. She tried to hold her shoulder as steady as she could, but it meant she couldn’t balance properly. She fell. But when she looked up she saw a fire pit ahead of her. Markers? Please Maker, let them be markers.

The cold was driving into her core and she was shivering constantly. Krista trudged on. Two more fire pits. She could feel it was getting harder to move, every step was like climbing through quicksand. She was dizzy, and her sight was getting fuzzy. She suspected only the pain was keeping her conscious now. She reached an outcrop, and could see lights a little way ahead. Her shivering had stopped, and she felt sleepy. Please let this be the Inquisition, I can’t go on. Her legs gave way, and she sank to her knees. She just wanted to go to sleep; the pain wasn’t so bad now. 

Voices, there were voices getting louder. Cullen. She could hear him, and then someone caught her as she fell. She felt the mane. “Cullen...”

“Ssh, you’re safe now.”

Krista managed “don’t let it bite me.” before passing out. 

Cullen had to smile. Don’t let it bite me? It was funny, but it was also bad. She was confused, cold, and he could see her shoulder looked wrong. He wrapped her in his coat, and carried her to the camp. He watched as the healers and her mage companions gathered round. Covers were place over of the front of the tent. They would have to strip her to get rid of the cold, wet clothes, and it wouldn’t be done for a naked Herald to be on view. 

Cullen pulled out the note in his pocket, the one she tucked into his hand before they’d gone off to cause one last slide, and face the Elder One. From the look in her eyes, she didn’t think she would survive. It was her leaving gift to him.

“Read it when you give the signal” she whispered to him.

He did as she asked. He’d lost count of the times he’d re-read it though. He was staring at it again when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Boss will pull through, she’s obstinate. You should know that.”

Cullen looked round, Bull was smiling at him. “I know she is.” he replied, but he couldn’t quite manage a smile.

“Cullen, let me give you a piece of advice. Be there when she wakes up.”

Cullen then realised Bull knew about the two of them. “How did you...Maker, is it that obvious?” He rubbed his neck.

“Only if you know what to see.” Bull replied and walked away, still smiling.

When Cullen turned back, he saw Dorian coming out of the tent. He had to catch him. “How is she?”

Dorian sighed. “Dislocated shoulder, hypothermia, and concussion. Could have been worse. Luckily she’s a obstinate woman, doesn’t give up easily. We just need to stabilise her temperature, and then put the shoulder back.”

Cullen smiled “You’re the second person to say she’s obstinate.”

Dorian put his hand on Cullen’s arm. “She won’t give up when her heart is set on something.” Cullen went to speak, but Dorian shushed him. “Go, get some rest. I’ll wake you when we’re finished.”

Cullen reluctantly went and found a cot and lay down. He was asleep before his train of thought finished. The next thing he knew Dorian was shaking him.

“OK, your turn. The handsome prince has to be there when she wakes up, doesn’t he?” he said teasing.

“Maker’s breath!” Cullen rubbed his neck. “Thank you.”

Dorian bowed “My pleasure.”

When Cullen got to the tent, it was open now. He found a stool and sat next to the bed. Her cheeks had colour in them now and her breathing was normal. He took her hand and waited.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

__

Cullen standing at the war table watching as they finalise the plans. “Herald, a moment.” He says. Everyone else leaves, she is waiting. He comes to her. He is wary. “Forgive me.” he says.

__

She replies. She is gentle “We’ll talk later.” She leaves.

__

At the temple she draws on the magic. She is pushing up, up into the Breach, mark and magic sparking, flashing, glimmering inside and out. Folding the tears in, sealing the wound. Blowback, then cheers of joy, relief, success. It is done. 

__

Celebration, drinking, dancing, happiness, liberation. It is over. 

__

It is not over. Under attack, they are trapped. Fear, panic, terror. “Cullen, give me a plan, anything” Red blood, red crystals litter the soft white snow. They are fighting for their lives, fighting to protect. Trebuchets, landslides, a victory.

__

A dragon, flying, burning, killing. Screaming, so much screaming. They retreat. “The Elder One only wants the Herald” says the boy. Cole, he came to help. A path out, one last landslide.

__

The people can escape, she has no way out. Wait for the signal, keep their attention. Cullen watching her “Perhaps you will surprise it, find a way.” There is no way.

__

She needs to stop his pain, another wound to be closed, to heal. A note written, stuffed into his hand. “Read it when you give the signal.” she says.

__

Corypheus, full of death, darkness, anger, hate, corrupted and wrong.

__

She is a thief. She laughs inside. The signal, she sets off the trebuchet. She is running, she is falling. Darkness.

__

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Krista sat up with a gasp.

“Krista, lie down. Your shoulder.”

Cullen. He let go of her hand, and helped her lie down. She saw him hesitate to take her hand again, so she reached out to him, and then he took it. 

“You were dreaming.” he said gently.

“Haven...I was dreaming about Haven.” She rubbed her eyes.

“How do you feel?” he asked, concerned.

"Like shit.” she replied smiling.

Cullen let out a laugh. “Some things never change.” He was smiling at her.

“Some things do” she replied, briefly looking down.

“Did you read my note?” she knew he would have, but she asked anyway.

“Yes. Several times actually, just to check I was reading it right.”

Krista laughed. She then looked at him seriously “I meant it then, and I still mean it now. I forgive you.” She squeezed his hand. “Everything has changed now, not just us.” 

She paused, thinking how to say it. “I understand why you pushed me, but it hurt...a lot.” She saw Cullen’s face, full of remorse.

“I know and I am sorry, you know that.” he said.

“I know you are” she replied, squeezing his hand again. “We recognise things in each other, but we don’t really know each other and...” she couldn’t find the words now. There was too much to say, and she couldn’t focus clearly. “Cullen, what I’m trying to say, badly, is, can we start again?” She knew by his expression, he wasn’t going to refuse.

“I’d like that.” Cullen was smiling broadly.

“Am I allowed to kiss you now?” he asked.

“Yes” she replied. As he leant over, she suddenly remembered. “No, wait...I threw up.” her face dropped.

Cullen leant closer “As if I would care.” he said and kissed her.

This kiss was different, soft, gentle and warm. This time her fingers and toes tickled and tingled. Cullen broke the kiss, but didn’t move away. Krista looked up at him. “We have a lot to talk about.” she said.

“We do indeed.” he replied. “But first you need to rest.”

Krista grinned at him. “I’m not the only one.”

Cullen smiled quizzically. “Do I look that bad then?”

“You look like shit, Rutherford. But I still love you.”

He laughed loudly “And I love you too.”

He kissed her again and then left. She watched him walk away, then closed her eyes and fell asleep again.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Herald is now the Inquisitor. Cullen and Krista talk, and Krista makes an admission.
> 
>  
> 
> NSFW in parts

Krista opened the door to Cullen’s office. She saw Rylen with him, and from what she heard they were discussing the new recruits.

“Ah Inquisitor” Cullen said turning to acknowledge her.

”I got your message Commander, but I can come back later if you’re busy”. She hovered at the door.

“No, it’s fine. Rylen and I were just finishing our discussion. Please come in.”

Krista went and leant against the wall waiting for him. A few minutes later they were alone. 

She waited for the cue from him. Depending on what he called her, she’d know whether this was Inquisition business or personal. They’d agreed to try and keep the two separate as much as possible. It was only a few days since she’d been lured into becoming Inquisitor. Cullen disagreed with her wording, he said they’d asked. “Yes Cullen, you all ‘asked’ when you had me standing there in front of everyone. How the fuck was I able to say no?” she’d shouted. He’d stood and watched, arms crossed, as she paced around his office fuming. Once she’d calmed down, they’d talked about how they could manage their roles, and their relationship, now she was Inquisitor. 

What Cullen wanted to tell her affected both the Inquisition, and their relationship. He didn’t know which box to start with first, or to even try and separate them. She was waiting for an indication from him, he could see.

He hesitated, rubbing his neck, and then said “What I need to tell you affects both us and the Inquisition.”

“I’m listening.” her voice was calm and encouraging, but she stayed leaning against the wall. He saw her stretching her left shoulder against the wall, and guessed it was troubling her.

He told her that he had stopped taking lyrium months ago, when he joined the Inquisition. The least of the dangers were the withdrawal symptoms. The worst were insanity or death. He outlined the events in Kirkwall, telling her he didn’t want to remain bound to the Order. Cassandra would watch him. As a Seeker, she would be able to recognise the signs should his ability to lead be compromised, and he would be replaced should it be required. 

He’d barely stopped talking, when she was at his side. “How bad is the pain?” she asked. Her face was still calm, but he heard her voice quiver slightly.

“I can endure it.” He tried to make his tone as stoic as he could, but he knew she’d seen through it. She’d already had glimpses of what he endured.

“Whatever you need, I’ll always support you.” she replied gently, putting her hand on his arm.

“Thank you.” He smiled gratefully. He had no doubts she would. “Speaking of pain; how’s your shoulder?” he asked.

“The pain I can deal with, but the itching is driving me mad. I can’t wait for this sling to be off. I’m stuck in Skyhold. I won’t be able to use my bow my at least another two weeks. My muscles will atrophy.” Krista could see Cullen was trying not to laugh. “What?” she asked.

“You’re bored already aren’t you? Ten days out of action, and you’re already missing being out in the field.” He shook his head, smiling.

Krista knew she was getting more fidgety the longer she was stuck, supposedly resting, and she was getting grumpy. “Not to mention the paperwork, the reports. Where do they all come from?” she complained.

“Welcome to my world.” Cullen grinned at her.

Krista shuffled herself onto his desk, and swung her legs absentmindedly. “I’m really not used to all this you know. I’ve been on my own for a while now, and suddenly I’m responsible for all these people. Before, back in Haven, I was just a symbol, now I’m a figurehead and leader as well. Sweet Andraste! I think I’ll need a trip out soon, or to hit something, or maybe both.”

She sighed in frustration. “It’s not the same throwing blades at practice dummies.” The words were barely out of her mouth when she realised. Oh shit, she was in trouble now. She’d been told not to do any training for at least two weeks. 

“You’ve been throwing blades?” Cullen asked his voice now rising.

“Maybe...a little.” He caught the wince as she admitted it.

“Maker’s breath Krista! They tell you not to for a reason. You can put your shoulder out again if you’re not careful. Being stuck in Skyhold would be the least of your worries.” His annoyance showed. “How long?” he asked, knowing full well he wouldn’t like the answer.

“Not long” she replied evasively.

He raised his voice a notch more. “How...long?”

“A couple of days... well it’s nearly two weeks now.“ her voice had now taken on a defiant tone.

“Andraste preserve me! You are impossible!” He rubbed his forehead in frustration.

“Cullen...” he interrupted her.

“What!” he snapped.

“You’re really hot when you’re angry” she said. She was smiling at him and winked.

“I’m what?” He was thrown off balance for a moment. Krista was still smiling, and he processed what was happening. His annoyance subsided. “I thought I was an arse when I was angry.” he teased.

“Maybe before. Not now.” He watched as she sighed and bit her lip. He knew he was being deliberately distracted, so he’d drop the subject. But he wasn’t going to give up that easily. He had his own tactics with Krista. This one he’d sussed on their trek to Skyhold.

Krista watched as Cullen came to her, he had that slight smile on, the one that made his mouth go up at the corner. She was a sucker for that smile. It made her feel slightly unsteady. He put his arms either side of her on the desk, and bent down, bringing his face close to hers.

“How about we make a deal? You promise me no more throwing blades for the next few days, and I’ll come and stay with you tonight.”

Krista put her hand out, “You have a deal.”

As he shook her hand and smiled more broadly, it dawned on her. She was definitely a sucker for that smile, and this time baited, caught and reeled in. She didn’t mind, the bait was worth it. They’d had no real physical contact since their first night together.

I’m not finished with you yet, she thought. Krista pushed her face forward slightly. Cullen didn’t move, so she kissed him. She knew that his office was normally full of people, trooping in and out with messages and reports. She knew they had agreed to not to be public with their relationship, although she guessed it wasn’t exactly a secret by now. She knew someone could walk in at any point. But when he responded, sliding his hands around her back to support her when he leant her backwards, she didn’t care. The memory of him tracing his fingers over her tattoo wormed its way into her head, and a slight gasp flew out.

Cullen felt the gasp from Krista, and suddenly realised this could get out of control, he could lose control, if he didn’t stop now. He broke the kiss. Her eyes were still closed and mouth slightly open. He pulled her forward, releasing his hold on her back. She opened her eyes.

“We can’t, not here, not now” he said, his voice unsteady.

“I know” she replied, equally unsteady. “I should go.”

He let her go, and helped her off the desk, bringing down a handful of reports with her. He reached down to pick them up, and as she turned, he slapped her bottom to get her to move. 

A flash of heat hit her as she felt his hand slap her bottom, and the resulting ‘oww’ that came out sounded more like pleasure than discomfort. What the...where the heck did that come from? She became aware of the slight flush forming on her face. I should definitely go now.

She turned to Cullen “Later then?” she asked. She’d not quite got control of her voice. He had a surprised smile on his face.

“Later.” he replied. Krista tried to make as dignified an exit as she could. On her way out she saw another messenger heading for his office. She let out a deep exhale of breath. Oh Maker!

She looked at the clock. Damn she was supposed to be meeting Varric and his mystery friend. Krista realised she gone out of the wrong door. She could either go back through Cullen’s office, or go around through the courtyards. She chose the latter and by the time she arrived, she’d gathered her composure.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Krista got back to her room, she took two chairs and put them out on the balcony overlooking the mountains. She rested her hand on the railing and looked out. The sun was beginning to set now. Krista pulled the chairs together, sat on one, rested her legs on the other, and watched the sunset.

She was still on the balcony when Cullen arrived. She heard his footsteps coming up the stairs. “Did you lock the door?” she called out.

“Damn, I forgot.”

The footsteps went back down the stairs, and then came back up again. Krista pushed her chair backwards to see him, but ended up tipping over. She did her best to fall on her right side, but felt a judder go through her left shoulder.

“Maker’s breath! Are you hurt?” Cullen rushed over.

“Shit, shit, shit.” the pain now hit, and she grimaced.

She saw Cullen realise she was hurt. “I’ll get Solas.” And he dashed off.

Oh for fuck’s sake, she thought. The pain was bad enough, but the realisation that their plans were screwed made it worse. It wasn’t long before Cullen was back with Solas. She was still sitting on the floor.

Solas knelt next to her. “Inquisitor, try and remain still. Tell me how you shoulder feels.”

Krista described the where the pain was. Solas listened. He then told her he would have to examine her, and it would hurt. Cullen watched as Solas felt around her shoulder. He saw Krista, her face clenched, trying to not to cry out, but when Solas touched the spot she’d described at the front, she whimpered.

Solas spoke. “You are very lucky inquisitor, there is no damage done. But you have aggravated a ligament here. I’ll give you some relief for the pain. But...you must do nothing strenuous for at a few hours until it settles.”

Cullen saw Solas look back at him as well. He rubbed his neck. Sweet Maker! Was there anyone who didn’t know about them? “Of course” he managed to get out. 

Cullen watched as Solas moved his hand over her shoulder, and Krista’s face relaxed. She smiled. “Thank you Solas.”

“My pleasure, Inquisitor. Please try and be more careful in the future.” He gave a slight nod and left.

Cullen looked at Krista, he knew she would be disappointed, and annoyed with herself. He bent down and helped her onto her feet.

“Cullen, I’m so sorry...I...”

“Don’t be. Anyway, it gives us a chance to talk.” He kissed the top of her head.

“Will you stay with me anyway?” she asked.

“Of course I will,” he replied.

“Does it feel better now?”

“Less shitty.” she grinned at him.

“You’re definitely back to normal.” he said with a laugh.

They moved over to the sofa and sat down. Cullen went and got her a pillow to lean while Krista tried to take her boots off, badly. She saw Cullen watching her, he knew not to dive in and help. He’d learnt that about her on the way to Skyhold. She decided to give up and ask for his help. He took her boots off, and when he sat down, lifted her feet onto his lap. Krista could see he was thinking, and watched as he stroked her ankle with his thumb. It felt soothing. 

“I was thinking” he began, “Maybe we could try our question game again, same rules. But...explore more.” Cullen rubbed his neck “This sounded much better in my head.”

Krista understood. “I know what you mean. Let’s see where we go. You start”. She wanted to gauge where Cullen was going to go with his questions first, before asking hers.

“I know you don’t want to depend on anyone, why?” he asked.

Krista thought a moment, where to start with this one. “I’ve always been like that since a young child. With seven siblings, you either fight for attention, or do your own thing. I did the latter. Cara, one of my older sisters was the only one I was really close to. She was a Templar, at the Ostwick circle. When she left home, there wasn’t much else left. When I turned 18, my parents decided I needed to make a good match. I disagreed. I left.”

“You ran away?” Cullen asked.

“Running away implies sneaking off suddenly in the middle of night. My leaving was planned. When the time was right, I walked out of the house one morning and never went back. A rucksack, my picks, my blades, some money, and the clothes on my back. My only regret was I couldn’t take my bow. Would have been a dead giveaway, you see. That was five years ago. I’ve been on my own ever since. Well, until after the Conclave, that is.” Krista paused. She imagined questions were arising in Cullen’s mind. “Cullen you can ask if you want. It’s fine. I can always pass if I don’t want to say now.” 

“Why were you at the Conclave?” Cullen asked.

“A chance to meet up with Cara.” Krista answered. “She was the only who knew I was leaving. We kept in touch as best we could. I was in Ferelden at the time, and got news she would be attending the Conclave. I did so want to see her again, someone who knew me before...I missed being able to talk openly. As you may have guessed, I didn’t use my own name in all those years. The Conclave was the first time I did again. It was a risk, but I needed access.” He saw her stop and look at him.

Cullen was hesitant, not sure at first if he should ask, but then decided to. “Five years, what did you do in that time?” He knew from Leliana that all information about Krista ended when she had left home. Now he knew why; and why her sudden re-appearance at the Conclave. She was silent for a few moments. He thought she was going to pass. When she finally answered, it took him completely by surprise.

“I was a thief.” 

Cullen saw her looking at him, smiling. The kind of smile someone gives when they get caught doing something they shouldn’t, but doesn’t feel guilty. “I specialised in...hard to get things.” She gave a little cynical laugh. “Corypheus said I’d stolen the Anchor. Well, that was quite ironic, don’t you think. I’d only gone to the Conclave to meet my sister.”

Krista watched Cullen’s face for a response. She could only see surprise right now. She wasn’t ashamed of what she did, and she wasn’t going to apologise for it. But what he thought of her now, she couldn’t be sure. Krista pushed for a response. “So Cullen. Are we still good? Or do we use titles from now on?” She really wanted him to say yes to the first question. She really hoped he would. She waited. 

“Krista, do you need to ask?” Her face had been impassive, but he could see the relief when he answered her. He wasn’t shocked, but was surprised. But he should have realised Krista wasn’t your usual anything. She had proven herself with the inquisition, and that was all that mattered. He knew he was biased anyway, because he loved her. 

He was curious about one thing though, he had to ask. “Did you have a nickname, a moniker?”

“Yes.” She was smiling. “You have both halves of the puzzle now, Cullen. I leave you to put them together.” Both halves of the puzzle? What did that mean? He obviously looked baffled, because she laughed. “It’ll come to you, don’t worry. And when it does, you will be the only one to know.” That he understood. She was opening a door, letting him in. She trusted him. “I think it must be my turn by now. You’ve heard enough about me, surely.” Krista looked at Cullen expectantly. 

“What would you like to know?” he asked.

“Why did you want to be a Templar?” she asked.

“I wanted to help people, protect those in need.” he replied. She saw him pause and look at her, and then continued. “Growing up, we had all been taught that compassion, generosity of spirit, helping other people, were good things. I could think of no better way to help, and pestered the Templars at the Chantry in Honnleath to allow me to become a Templar. At first they humoured me, but I didn’t give up. After five years of my ‘enthusiasm’ the Knight-Captain spoke to my parents, and they agreed to send me for training.” 

“How old were you?” Krista asked.

“I was 13 when I left home. But as you probably know from your sister, they train and educate you first.”Krista nodded. “You don’t take on full responsibilities until you’re 18.”

“Normally, Templars are based locally. How did you end up in Kirkwall?” she asked, and then saw the flash of discomfort pass across Cullen’s face. She knew she’d touched a nerve.

“I was based originally at the Circle Tower in Ferelden. There were...the Tower experienced its own problems during the Blight. I was transferred to Kirkwall afterwards.” He stopped. “I’d rather not talk about it, not yet.” 

“I understand.” Krista said reassuringly. She wondered, was this the source of the dreams? She needed to move on to something else. “You mentioned your family. Siblings?”

Cullen knew she was moving him to another subject, and was grateful. His family were good memories. “Three siblings; Mia, Branson and Rosalie. I don’t keep in touch as I should, but Mia always manages to track me down.” 

He laughed. “She is persistent, and lectures me often for not writing. I was closest to her growing up. Like you and Cara I would guess. When we were younger she would always beat me at chess, and gloat when she did. I practiced with Branson for weeks to improve. The day I beat her, you should have seen her face. It was a picture.” Cullen found himself grinning. “They moved to South Reach after the Blight. I haven’t seen them in ten years.” He suddenly felt wistful.

“You should visit them.” Krista suggested.

“After all this is over, I think I will.” Cullen replied.

Cullen fell silent. Krista could see his was lost in his thoughts. She looked round at the fire. Something in the flickering of the flames started to make her feel sleepy. Before she knew it her eyes started to close. She felt Cullen tap her foot.

“I think the side effect of Solas’ pain relief is kicking in now.” He was smiling at her.

“Something is; that’s for sure.” she joked sleepily, yawning. 

“Let’s get you to bed.” He moved her feet off and got up, reaching out to help her up. Krista automatically started to get undressed. But she was tired now and she fumbled. “Cullen...” she asked looking at him.

He knew. “Of course I will.” he replied.

He helped her undress, and put her to bed. She watched as he laid pillows between them, and then undressed and got in on the other side to her. Their ‘defensive wall’ she thought smiling. Krista fell asleep.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Cullen woke, he was briefly disorientated. Where was he? Then he remembered; Krista’s room. He pulled himself up and looked over. She was still asleep. Her breathing was peaceful. He took a chance, and removed the pillows. The movement roused her and she was blinking, coming to.

“Good morning.” he said smiling.

“Hey you.” she replied smiling back.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

“Better than yesterday” she said, laughing. 

Cullen reached over, and moved a strand of hair from over her eyes. As he touched her forehead, he saw her eyes close and mouth open slightly. He leant over carefully and kissed her. The hunger with which she took him into her mouth was unhurried, but still insistent. He put his hand on her hip, and she let out a low moan. It had been a while since they’d slept together, and all that repressed need for her began to bubble up. He was afraid it would overtake him, and he didn’t want to hurt her.

Cullen broke the kiss and leant his forehead on hers. “I want to, but your shoulder...” his voice soft.

“I want to as well...I miss you.” she sighed. Right then, the only thing she wanted, no, needed, was to feel him again. She watched as that little smile came out.

“I have an idea.”

There was that stomach flip again. “Cullen, smile at me like that, and I’ll do anything you ask.”

“Anything I desire?” he asked.

“Anything.” Her voice practically a plea now. 

“Close your eyes.” he replied.

Krista closed her eyes. She felt him carefully move her so she was lying slightly across the bed, and put a pillow against her left shoulder.

“Lift your legs," he instructed.

She obeyed. Then she felt him move, so he was against her. They formed a T shape, and she began to understand. He took hold of her calves, lowering them over him, and opening her legs slightly. What should have been just a mechanical act became a choreography of anticipation. 

Krista felt him position himself, and thought he was going to push into her. But he didn’t, he remained there. Instead he began to leisurely stroke across her stomach, just low enough to tease. She gasped. His fingers on her skin always made it feel like it burned. The moans came again, unbidden as before. The knowledge that he was just there, waiting for... what? The tension in her built up, she could feel the heat inside her expanding, the ache becoming stronger. The longer it went on, she thought she was going to lose her mind. 

“Cullen...” her voice barely a whisper now.

“Wait” his voice practically a command.

“I can’t...Maker, I think I’m...”And then she felt him push into her. A loud groan fell from her lips. His strokes were languid, rough and deep all at the same time. She thought he was still caressing her stomach as well, but she wasn’t sure any more. Krista was slowly being demolished piece by piece. 

There was nothing but the sensations inside her, the build up, the need for release, and then she felt fingers pressing and stroking between her legs. The relief, the release flooded through her. Her muscles clenched and a scream escaped. Only then could she feel the spasms inside her as Cullen came. Both of them were breathing heavily and neither moved for a few minutes. 

Eventually he moved and lay next to her, idly resting his hand on her stomach. He kissed her.

“Maker I missed you.” he said.

“Same here” Krista replied.

“Cullen...” she started.

“What?” he asked.

“I’m totally fucked.” she joked.

“Maker’s breath!” he started laughing. Krista joined in.

Cullen suddenly remembered. “What time is it? We’ve got a War Council meeting.”

“Oh shit!” Krista exclaimed.

There was a mad dash to get dressed, not helped by Cullen having to aid Krista. They made it to the War Room. Krista could see Leliana and Josie looking at her, while Cullen moved to his usual spot on the other side of the table. She knew her face was still flushed.

Krista smiled “I apologise for our lateness. Something came up, and the Commander and I needed to deal with it.”

She heard a strangled cough come from Cullen. She didn’t dare look at him. Maker, I’m going to pay for this later, she thought. Leliana turned to look at Cullen, then looked back at Krista, and smiled knowingly. Josie’s face was partially hidden behind her clipboard, but Krista could see she was trying to suppress a fit of giggles.

Leliana spoke “Of course, Inquisitor. I do understand. Shall we start the meeting? We have quite a few items to get through.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Following Crestwood - an argument, a dragon slaying celebration and a song
> 
>  
> 
> thanks to mohawke and MeiHuaO4 for their stories re inspiration for the dragon celebration.  
> special thanks to a good friend re masks

Krista was thankful to be back home, back in Skyhold. She’d been a nomad for so long; it felt strange to call somewhere home. But it was as close to putting down roots as it could be for her. All she wanted right now was a bath and to sleep. Crestwood had been exhausting. They’d gone there to deal with the undead that were plaguing the village, and to meet up with Hawke and Stroud. On top of that, they’d found and dispatched Red Templars, wyverns and a dragon, and closed a number of rifts. Tomorrow they were off to the Western Approach. The news from Stroud about the Wardens gathering there was disturbing. 

Recovering from the injury to her shoulder meant she hadn’t been able to train much, and wasn’t as fit as she should have been. Krista knew she was slower. Having to rely on blades rather than her bow, made her less effective in battle. It had been evident when they were fighting the dragon. She’d not been able to dodge a kick from its hind leg, and had been knocked back, tumbling over the ground. Luckily she’d managed to tuck into a roll, and prevent further damage to her shoulder. However, she now sported some vivid bruises, not to mention a glorious black eye. 

Bull was still on a high from the dragon slaying all the way home and wanted to celebrate. Tonight she’d said, we’ll do it tonight. Krista put in a request for hot water to be bought up and dragged herself up to her room. She collapsed onto the couch while her bath was prepared. When it was ready, she pulled off her clothes, dropping them where she stood, and eased herself into the tub. It felt divine. She put a cloth over her eyes, closed them and let her mind drift. 

It wasn’t long before she heard familiar footsteps coming up the stairs, slightly louder than normal familiar footsteps. Then she heard Cullen’s voice “Inquisitor”, the tone terse, clipped. Uh-oh, she thought, that doesn’t sound good. It bought back memories of scoldings back in Haven. Andraste’s knickers! Not this again. No, if he’s mad at me, let him be mad at me, not hide behind titles.

“Sorry Cullen, the Inquisitor isn’t here at the moment, but I am, if you have something to say.” Her irritation showed more than she intended it to.

Cullen was already angry with her. He’d told her to be careful, and she’d not listened. Her tone and her words pushed him over the top. “What were you thinking? Barely out of recuperation, and you’re taking on anything and everything that comes along! You know you weren’t fit enough. What in the Maker’s name is wrong with you?”

He rubbed his forehead. The headaches had been more frequent and he hadn’t been sleeping well. And now this. His head was pounding worse than usual. “You already had the keep, why didn’t wait for some of our forces to arrive?”

There was a brief silence, and then he saw Krista get up from the bath and grab a towel. He saw the bruises before she covered herself. He saw the black eye as she came toward him. Maker’s breath! Then he saw the anger in her eyes, and her hands clenching.

“What would have had me say to the people dying, being injured while we sat on our hands waiting? Hmph? Didn’t you make me Inquisitor to make the hard decisions, to take the responsibility and the risks? Why do you think I took the strongest team with me? Why are you angry Cullen? Is it because I didn’t obey your commands? I am not a child, and you are not my keeper!”

Cullen watched as she turned away, took off her towel and got back in the bath. “Evidently, but you’re necessarily an adult either. You are too reckless, Krista.” He looked at her, but her face was turned away. This was no good, he had to leave. This was too much like how they’d been back in Haven. After everything they’d been through, and this is what they throw at each other. He couldn’t cope with the arguing on top of everything else, not right now. Cullen left, and made his way back to his office. 

As Krista heard Cullen close the door, she let go. Tears of anger and sorrow came out, and she sat there sobbing. After everything, have we gone back to this? Suddenly the room felt claustrophobic. She needed to get out of there, out of Skyhold, even if only for an hour. There was a War Council meeting scheduled for later, but she couldn’t face him like this. She got dressed, headed to the stables and rode out.

Cullen was staring out of the window in his office; he couldn’t concentrate on anything just yet. He saw Krista riding off and she knew what she was doing. Maker’s breath! What were they doing to each other? He needed to release the tension. He went to look for Bull, to ask him to spar with him. He didn’t trust himself with anyone weaker.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Krista made her way to the tavern for the celebration. She definitely wanted to get wasted. There was a need to blot out the hurt, at least for one night. Tomorrow she’d deal with the hangover and the pain. Hopefully Bull would have procured some exceedingly strong drink.

The War Council meeting had been tricky. Even though she’d screamed out what she could, seeing Cullen stirred up her emotions again. They had been perfectly civil and businesslike, but it was all false. Somehow it was worse than before, because now they could hurt each other. Neither of them would look each other in the eye. Krista saw Leliana glance at them, but said nothing.

The ‘Usual Suspects’ were already in the tavern; she was the last to arrive. Krista supposed they looked an odd grouping to most. But heck, the Inquisition wasn’t exactly conventional. Normally it was Varric who handed out nicknames, but Cassandra had quite inadvertently provided this one. The irony wasn’t lost on Krista and Varric. 

Bull, Dorian, Varric, Sera and Krem were drinking, along with some of the Chargers. It looked like they’d already had a few. Only Harding was missing, but she was out scouting. Krista went over to them. Donning a cheerful mask was harder this time, but she pulled out her best shot at it. 

“So, Bull. What treat do you have for us today then?” she asked, in anticipation, and parked herself on the empty chair at the end at the table. He often found strange, strong drinks which were sometimes excellent, sometimes revolting.

“Maraas Lok” he said smiling.

“What does that mean?” she asked. “It means drink.” Bull handed her a tankard.

Krista could see everyone looking at her. What were they all waiting for? She took a gulp, and thought she’d poured burning shards down her throat. When the coughing eventually stopped, a strange croaky voice came out of her mouth “Maker’s breath! What is that?” By this point, they were roaring with laughter. 

“Positively evil, isn’t it?” Dorian smiled in sympathy.

Sera was wiping the tears from her eyes “They had bets on what you’d say too. You’ve been spending too much time with General Uptight. Sound like him now.”

Krista needed another drink. “Bull, some more of that ‘stuff’ please.” she asked, holding out her tankard.

“Will do Boss.” he replied, pouring in more.

She swigged it back quickly, hoping it would miss the vulnerable parts in her mouth. It didn’t seem so bad this time, and the coughing was less than before.

Bull laughed. “Yes, the second cup’s easier. Most of the nerves in your throat are dead after the first one.”

Bull was now talking about the dragon they had killed. Krista vaguely heard something about fires burning, the ground shaking and dragons being sacred. Although her head was beginning to swim now, her mood was better than earlier. This stuff was powerful. Then she heard the phrase that Bull had shouted out during their battle with the dragon. 

“What does that mean?” she asked.

“Taarsidath-an halsaam? Closest translation would be. ‘I will bring myself sexual pleasure later while thinking about this with great respect’.”

Varric looked at Bull bemused “You shouted that when it was attacking you? Andraste’s tits!”

“I know, right!” he answered. Gales of laughter ensued. 

Krista wanted more of this whatever it was. She waved her tankard in front of Bull. “Same gain, if you so kind” Her words came out slow and slurry. Ooh, this stuff was strong. Bull poured her yet more, and down it went. There was a happy smile on her face now.

Dorian looked at her “Darling, are you drunk?”

“Just an eeensy weeensey bit” she said, laying her head on the bench and giggling. Her head was fuzzy. She wanted Maryden to sing that song she liked, what was it called?

She didn’t hear Dorian whisper to Bull “Did you...?” “Yes.” he replied. She didn’t notice Bull prod Sera, and nod at her. She didn’t see Sera leave. 

Krista was still trying to remember. What was the song? Her head was so full of fluffy bits. It was too hard to think. Then it came to her. “RISE!” Krista shouted standing up, and then came crashing back down. They all looked at her, and started laughing again. “Song...please?” 

She saw Varric going to talk to Maryden. When Maryden started to sing, Krista joined in, if somewhat dragging at the words. Even drunk, she could hold a note.

♫ Find me, still searching, For someone to lead me, Can you guide me to the revolt inside me  
Promise surviving the Breach, Promise surviving the Breach in the sky ♫

Krista didn’t see Sera come in with Cullen just before the second verse began. What she did see were Cullen’s boots standing next to her. Still singing, she looked up at him.

Cullen had reluctantly gone with Sera to the tavern. Apparently Krista had a little too much to drink. She was asking for him, and they thought it would be best if he took her to her room. Maker’s breath! Earlier during the War Council it had been difficult enough between them, and the thought of seeing her again was troubling. He rubbed his neck, while Sera persisted. He gave in. Do it this once Cullen, he thought. As he walked in to the tavern he could hear Krista singing along with Maryden. He knew this song. She sang or hummed it sometimes.

As he went around the corner, he saw her with her head on the bench and went up to her. Krista was definitely drunk. As she was singing “♫ Templar igniting, fire inside me ♫” she looked up. “Cullen!” She was smiling at him, that smile. He remembered the first time he’d seen it, how it made him feel. Krista tried to get up, but stumbled. Cullen caught her. Maker, was he going to spend his life catching this woman when she fell. “You...smell...good” she whispered a little too loudly. 

Maker’s breath, he had to get her out of here. Cullen looked across at the group. “I’ll take the Inquisitor to her room.” When he picked her up, she put her arms around his neck and buried her face in the mane on his coat.

“No...biting...now” she giggled.

Cullen blushed slightly, and decided to make a swift exit.

Bull waited until they had left. “Cole?” he enquired.

“Here” Cole replied suddenly appearing.

Sera jumped “That thing is still wrong” she muttered.

“Thank you” said Bull.

“They’re better now. I’m glad.” replied Cole and vanished.

“Ah, teamwork. Thank you all.” Bull said looking round, smiling.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after. Cullen and Krista make up, and then again.
> 
> Mainly from Cullen's POV
> 
>  NSFW

Cullen sat on the balcony looking out over the mountains. He’d woken up early, restless, and saw Krista was still asleep. There were still some unread reports he’d bought back from his room the previous night. He’d slung on his shirt and pants, moved a chair onto the balcony, and started to go through them. But every time he looked up, the draw of the mountains was stronger. He gave up and stared out at them. His mind drifted, wandered, thoughts and memories passing through, the complete opposite of the mental focus he’d learned as a Templar. 

Sounds from inside snapped his mind back, he looked around. Krista was shuffling her legs and making small grunting noises. Then she settled again. Dreams, he thought, both of us with dreams hounding us. He prayed their demons didn’t destroy them both. But he never wanted to be without her. And that was part of the problem. She would always be in danger, and he couldn’t protect her. When she got hurt, it stirred up the fear in him that when she left on a mission, she wouldn’t come back. He wanted her to be careful, so she would always come back to him. 

He heard her moving again, this time thrashing around. Cullen was about to go to her when he remembered, Dorian and the knife. He stopped and waited. The noises got louder, and then she screamed, sitting bolt upright, holding her knife in front of her. Maker, she was still sleeping with a knife under her pillow? And that scream, it made his blood curdle. Krista was blinking, trying to work out where she was. Another thing he automatically recognised. So many similarities, he thought. 

Cullen watched as she stared at him, then closed her eyes and stared again. Then, she leapt out of bed, dropping her knife, and ran to him, flinging her arms around him. “I love you, I love you, I love you...never, ever leave me again.” the panic and fear evident in the words rushing out of her.

“Hey, it’s OK, I’m here.” he said reassuringly, putting his arms around her. What in the Maker’s name had she been dreaming of? He felt her starting to shake, and realised she was crying. Cullen picked her up and took her inside. He sat on the bed with Krista on his lap, clinging onto him, still sobbing. Unsure what to say, he began to stroke her hair and rock her gently. 

After a while, Cullen heard her breath normalise, and she stopped shaking. When he spoke, his voice was soft. “Krista, talk to me. Tell me what you saw.”

She lifted up her head to look at him. “You were lost, dead, I don’t know...and it was my fault. We were angry. You walked away. You didn’t see them but I could. I shouted, you were too far away, I couldn’t reach you. They took you, I couldn’t stop them.” She paused, rubbing her forehead. “The images are hazy now, but the fear that you were in danger, gone, I still feel it now.” He heard her hesitate before saying “Cullen, the thought of losing you...I...I can’t.” 

“Ssh” he said gently. “You will never lose me.” Cullen knew he needed to talk to her. “I’m sorry I was angry yesterday. Every time you leave, I know there is a chance you won’t come back, that I won’t see you, hold you or kiss you again. The only reason I want you to be careful is because I’m afraid of losing you.”

Krista put her hand on his cheek. “I realise that now, and I’m sorry too. But you know the demands on me won’t stop, people are desperate for help. And I have to help them.”

“I know.“ Cullen replied. But it still hurts, he thought.

“Cullen, tell me.”

Of course she saw. “It still hurts.” he finally admitted.

Krista kissed him. As she broke away they looked at each other. He pulled her to him, and she wrapped her arms round his neck. He kissed her, hard, needing, desperate, almost to breathlessness. He needed her, all of her, every bit of her. He pulled away, 

“Krista...I” he began.

”Yes Cullen” she replied.

She moved, and he helped her up. Before he could get up, she took hold of his shirt, and lifted it up, over his head.

“Lie back and close your eyes” she whispered.

He obeyed. He could feel her undoing the buttons on his pants and then taking them off slowly. The bed dipped as she got on it, and he felt her thighs on his as she sat down. She shuffled forward, and he could feel her calves either side of his hips. He reached up and found her hips, knowing the effect it would have on her. She gasped, took hold of him and lowered herself slowly down. They both moaned. In this position, she somehow felt tighter, the whole thing more intense. He didn’t know if it was the mood, the position, or both. 

Krista began to lift herself up, and then down again, at first slowly and gradually moving faster. She was clenching her muscles to drag on him when she lifted up. “Maker!” fell from his lips. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, the blood rushing to his head and he was breathing hard. Her were moans getting louder blending in with the sensations from her movements. It intensified the longer she continued. He didn’t know if was more intense because he was only feeling and hearing now. There was nothing but them, melting, blending into each other. Then he knew he was getting closer, and she stopped.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Nothing...I’m not done with you...yet.” she replied, her voice hoarse and breathless. The slight twitches told him she was not far off either. He didn’t want to wait. He shifted his position slightly, and heard a moan “Oh Maker, what did you do?” And again, another moan, this time longer. He squeezed her hips, another moan. He loved hearing her moan. 

She started again, this time much faster. He sensed she couldn’t stop, and he didn’t want her to. As she came down on him, he began to push to meet her. He badly needed release now, but tried to hold on for her. He knew he would not last out much longer, and then he felt her gripping him as she came, he heard her scream. As soon as she clenched it took him over, and he came with a load groan, the relief welcome. He could feel the spasms abating now. Cullen opened his eyes.

Krista was leaning forward, hands on her thighs, getting her breath back. “Maker...what did...you do?” she asked looking at him.

“I simply gave you an alternative.” he answered. Cullen then gave her the smile, and felt an involuntary clench of her muscles, as she let out a slight groan. So this is what happens he thought. Good to know.

“I need...to lie down. Need some help here...please.” Together they lifted her up, and she flopped down next to him. They lay there together for a while.

“Cullen, I really don’t like fighting with you. But I do love the making up.” she gave a little laugh. Krista turned to face him.“Let’s just do the making up.”

Cullen smiled “I would like that.” he replied. It was then he noticed the bruises again and her black eye. They looked painful. “You look like you’ve been in bar brawl” he said.

She burst out laughing. “I’ve had less bruises from a bar brawl than that bloody dragon gave me.” 

Cullen looked at her, there was so much he wanted to know, but he settled for a quizzical stare. 

Krista smiled and said “You hang around in enough dives, and you will stumble into one, trust me. Kirkwall was the worst.”

When had she been in Kirkwall he wondered? He was reluctant to press her, she would clamp down and change the subject if he tried too hard. He let it go; another time, he thought.

“I’m thirsty now, where’s the water?” Cullen watched as Krista got up and padded around until she found the bottle, taking a long gulp. She bought it over and passed it to him; then flopped back onto the bed, this time onto her front. The cat tattoo now had blotches of purple, blue and yellow scattered across it. 

She propped herself onto her elbow and smiled. “Cullen, you do realise you have bed hair now. It’s sort of loose and curly at the back. Is that what it looks like when you don’t style it?” As he went to try and smooth it down, she grabbed his hand. “Don’t, I like it. It makes you look a little wild.”

Cullen laughed “Andraste preserve me. Do you like me a little wild then?”

“Always.” she replied smiling.

He thought for a minute. “How wild is a little wild?” he asked. Krista’s eyes opened wider.

“I...I don’t know...I...” she stuttered and stopped.

“Krista Trevelyan, lost for words, never thought I’d see the day.” Cullen smirked and slapped her smartly on the bottom. There it was again, that same ‘oww’ and a deep flush came over her face. “That’s what I thought.” he said knowingly. Just enough to lose some control, he thought. He took a chance.

He moved to grab a couple of pillows, and saw her watching him, unsure what was happening. He lifted her up slightly and tucked the pillows under her, raising her bottom up. He opened up her legs and knelt between then. Krista was looking back, still watching; her breathing a little quicker now. She went to speak “Cullen...” was all she got out before he gave her another smack. This time she let out a yelp and shuddered. “Oh Maker!” he heard. Her tone was a mixture of surprise and pleasure. She turned back, and let her upper body down onto the bed.

Cullen knew then she’d relinquished control to him. She trusted him. He slid two fingers inside her, and heard the moan. She was already so wet. He smacked her again. She clenched, and the moan came stronger and longer. He’d taken a chance on her reaction, but hadn’t thought about his. He was already hard again, but the ferocity of his want of her took him by surprise. He sat up, and took out his fingers, then guided himself into her. This time she let out a low guttural scream. Cullen didn’t hold back, he thrust hard into her over, and over, and over again. He was groaning, she was moaning, it was almost primitive the sounds coming from both of them. 

He felt he was close to coming. Maker, so soon. He reached one hand between her legs and started to rub her. The response was almost immediate. She clenched much harder this time, almost painful, and he came. She screamed again and he grunted, still pulsing inside her. Maker, he had to lie down, he was exhausted. He kissed her back and pulled out, collapsing next to her.

“Well...shit.” Krista was still panting. “How did you...?”

Cullen laughed “Lucky guess, and a good memory.” He felt her shuffle over, and he lifted his arm as she cuddled up to him. He wrapped his arm round her, and kissed her head.

Krista stroked her finger over his chest. “I didn’t know...until that day in your office.” she said.

Cullen turned to look at her, she was smiling at him. Maker, he loved her smile. “I love you.” he said softly.

“I love you too.” she replied just as softly. 

“I have to go soon, and you have to get ready.” Cullen told her. “The Western Approach awaits you.”

“I know” Krista sighed. “From Harding’s report it sounds a wasteland. And I really don’t like what we’ve heard about the Wardens.”

Cullen propped himself up and stared at her “Krista...please try and be careful.” He didn’t like what they’d heard about the Wardens either.

“Cullen, I promise” she stroked his face. “A kiss before leaving?” Krista asked.

Cullen slid his hand around the back of her neck, lifted her up and kissed her. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Later that day, Krista, along with Bull, Dorian and Cole were on their way to the Western Approach. Krista was still a little sore, and shifted position a few times on her horse. She really didn’t mind though, it was a nice soreness and she replayed the events of the morning in her mind.

It wasn’t until Dorian said “Someone looks happy.” that she realised she was smiling.

“Someone is.” she replied grinning broadly now. 

“How did he know? It stings, but do it again....ohh Maker.” Cole stopped.

“Cole no! Stop looking.” Krista tried to shush him, blushing.

“You shouldn’t be embarrassed. Dorian and Bull often...” Cole started, but before he could continue, three voices shouted in unison “No!” Cole fell silent.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post Adamant Pt 1 - Krista learns the reason for Cullen's dreams. Inquisitor's POV
> 
> This chapter converges more with the canon in the game.
> 
> PTSD

Krista dragged off her boots and flung herself on the bed. She was so, so tired. Adamant had been disturbing enough, Wardens, blood magic, demons and Corypheus’ dragon. But the Fade, that was another level of traumatic. If she hadn’t pushed herself through the training before they left, it probably would have been too much. After what they found at the Western Approach, she knew she wasn’t ready. She was out of condition after resting her shoulder, and not focused enough. While her advisors prepared for the assault on Adamant, she would use the time to train.

If she was honest with herself, she’d idled along in the role of Inquisitor, afraid to fully accept it. That would no longer do, she had to grasp the responsibilities; she had to BE the Inquisitor. Oddly enough, her fear lessened when she finally accepted that, when she finally took control. She enlisted Cassandra’s help to improve her fitness and mental focus. When she wasn’t with Cassandra, she did archery practice. That was when Sera found her, and the contests between them started. Sera’s style was different from hers, and Krista learnt new tricks, improving her own technique.

The focus on training meant reports inevitably piled up. She issued instructions that unless the report was confidential, they should be delivered verbally while she was training. Apart from snatched moments here and there, she and Cullen saw little of each other. He was busy getting the Inquisition forces ready. Krista smiled when she remembered Josie’s reaction, when he had told them he would be calibrating the trebuchets for the nth time. “Again? And how many times will you be doing that?” she asked.

But she knew it had taken a toll on him. He’d looked tired and ragged on the way back. Cullen had been busy collating the names of the dead, so the Inquisition could provide compensation for their families. All their soldiers were volunteers, and it was a point of honour that the families did not suffer more than the loss of their loved ones. She would find him later, right now she needed to rest, to sleep if she could. But there was still a vestige of the anger she felt in the Fade. 

The Nightmare demon had taunted them all, and they’d all seen different things in the little fears that attacked them. Of course she saw spiders, but she also saw him. The reminder of what she was capable of, of what she had done when she was out of control. The thing she’d buried and ignored, until Cullen drew up the festering sore inside. Until then, she didn’t realise how much his actions had helped her. It had purged some of the poison she carried. Instead of freezing in fear, it infuriated her. That fury got her through. 

You need to focus on sleep, she thought. Deal with the rest later. Exhaustion finally overcame her.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Krista became aware of someone calling her. She opened her eyes. Cassandra. “Oh good you’re awake” she said.

Krista yawned “Hello to you too Cassandra.”

Cassandra was staring at her “Inquisitor, you look dreadful”. 

Krista gave a little laugh “Thank you Cassandra, I love you too.” Other people found Cassandra brash, but Krista liked her immensely, and valued her directness.

Cassandra snorted. ”The Inquisitor is hilarious as usual. Actually, I need to discuss an urgent matter with you...”

Before she could continue, Krista interrupted her, “Cassandra, I understand your concerns about letting the Wardens to help the Inquisition, but the decision is made.”

“That’s not why I’m here, this is about Cullen.” 

Krista’s heart jolted. “What’s happened?” 

Cassandra’s face showed her annoyance. “He has asked to be replaced as Commander of the Inquisition. I disagree, but he is being stubborn. He won’t listen to me.” She paused for a moment “He made a promise to himself that he would no longer take lyrium, but thinks he cannot fulfil his role as he should without it. It’s not something to be taken lightly, but I know he can do it. I knew that when we met in Kirkwall.” Cassandra’s tone now became insistent. “You need to talk to him, he may listen to you.” 

“OK, I’ll go and talk with him.” Krista replied, worried now. She didn’t realise it had got this bad.

Cassandra went to leave, but Krista called after her “Cassandra”. She turned back. “Yes Inquisitor?”

“Thank you for telling me.” Cassandra nodded in reply.

When Krista went to get up, she felt dizzy and her stomach was clawing at her. When was the last time she ate? She couldn’t remember. She needed food first, and then would go and speak with him. Passing out in the middle of a conversation would be bad. The Inquisition couldn’t lose their Commander; Krista couldn’t lose Cullen.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Because she stopped by the kitchens to grab some food, Krista didn’t take her usual route to Cullen’s office. She went up the back stairs to the battlements, then to the side door of his office. Pausing to take a deep breath first, she opened the door. The next thing Krista knew, a blur had smacked her across her left arm, then ricocheted off, hitting the wall on her right. 

“Maker’s breath!” two voices went in unison.

“Forgive me! I didn’t hear you.” Cullen rushed over to her.

“Oww” Krista went to grab her arm and then saw the blood. “Maker, you have a swing on you.”

“I’m so sorry...I didn’t mean to...I wouldn’t...” Cullen rolled up her sleeve, “It’s not too deep. Here, I’ve got alcohol and bandages”.

They went over to his desk, and Krista lifted herself onto the desk with her good arm. Cullen cleaned up the blood on her arm, and pressed a bandage on the cut it to stem the bleeding. He then wrapped a clean bandage around her arm. Normally she might have joked about it, but she could see from his face now was not the time. There were dark circles under his eyes, and he was having trouble staying in control.

“Cullen” she asked gently, “Please tell me why you asked to step down.”

He hesitated, the pain showing in his face “You remember when I said I wasn’t ready to talk about the Circle Tower in Ferelden?” Krista nodded. 

Cullen moved away, walking to the window and back as he spoke. The image of an animal pacing in a cage came to her. He told of her of the blood magic, the abominations, the slaughter of his friends and how he was tortured. How they’d then sent him to Kirkwall, where there was even more death, and the madness of his Knight-Commander. How he wanted to leave that life behind, stop taking the lyrium, regain some control. Krista then realised; Adamant, the demons, the blood sacrifices...Sweet Maker...it was a trigger. She remembered his dreams.

“And then when I heard you fell into the Fade...Maker...the thought of losing you on top of everything else.” Cullen was shouting, his voice angry. “Look at me, how can I fulfil my duties like this! I should be taking it!” He slammed his fist into the bookcase. “I should be taking it.” his voice now quieter.

Krista got off the desk and went over to him. She put her hand on his chest. His heart was racing, hammering away. She asked softly “Is this what you really want?” 

“No...” Cullen paused, uncertain. “But if I cannot endure this...” Fear was now bleeding in, replacing the anger. 

Krista looked him in the eyes and spoke, her tone reassuring. ”I know you can. I promised I would support you. Anything you need, it’s yours.”

The tautness in him eased, and his face relaxed. He sighed. “Alright.” He paused. “Give me some time?” She felt his heartbeat starting to slow down.

Krista smiled at him. “Whenever you’re ready.” She prayed it was enough to change his mind. Looking down as she left, she saw Cullen’s lyrium box and contents strewn across the floor. Krista was now the one that was angry. When she finally got her hands on that Corypheus asshole, she was going to tear him a new one.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post Adamant Pt II - Physical exertion all round
> 
> NSFW

Krista woke with a start, and sat upright, holding her knife. Adamant, the Fade had invaded her dreams. She’d gone to bed angry, and now, after her dream, she’d woken up even more so. Angry. It was a inadequate adjective to express what she was feeling right now; to describe the volcano ready to erupt inside her. 

She needed to see Cullen, to see how he was; but not in the mood she was in now, she needed to be calm. Krista needed an outlet before she blew out a blood vessel. She really needed to hit something. Bull or Cassandra she thought. She needed to spar with one of them.

Coincidently she found them together by the tavern, with Dorian standing watching them, bemused. Cassandra was hitting Bull with a stick. Some form of Ben-Hassrath training to conquer his fear of demons. Krista had an idea. “Hey Bull. You want to be hit, and I really need to hit something. I need to work off my anger. But how about we make it interesting? A match. I’ll hit you, but you also try to hit me. Don’t worry I’m good at dodging.”

“Not normally how it works, but I’ll give it a go” he replied. Krista could see he looked intrigued.

“Open ground, wooden sticks, no stealth and no rage” she proposed.

“Ok” he answered.

They began. First blow went to Krista, slap against Bull’s stomach. He let her get the shot in, and felt the full force of it. He wanted to be hit hard and she obliged. Blow after blow she landed, but caught a few back, mainly glancing ones. She’d fought enough with Bull to know she was much faster. If she could stay out of his way, they could both get what they wanted. What she didn’t factor in was that he wasn’t wielding a lump of metal this time, only a wooden stick. It didn’t hit as hard, but he was faster. 

By this point, there was a crowd gathered around, waiting to see which one of them would go down first. Neither Bull nor Krista were ready for that. He was as invested as her, in the strength versus agility battle this had developed into. It became a dance, or a fancy brawl, depending on how you looked at it. Both of them drawing on their skills, experience and raw cunning. The first time he caught her full on, he stopped, but Krista waved him on. 

Cullen could hear a commotion down in the courtyard. He went out onto the battlements to see what was going on. He could see Bull down in the courtyard with...Maker’s breath....Krista? He shot down to the courtyard, and began to push his way through the crowd. As he got toward the front, a hand grabbed him. Dorian. “What in the Maker’s name...”he began.

“Ssh, just watch. It’s quite entertaining.” Dorian smiled.

Cullen watched as Krista dodged, flipped, and rolled her way out of trouble time and time again. She had managed to hit Bull several times. He knew most of Bull’s experience of Krista’s fighting skills was when she used a bow. But he could see Bull adapting to her melee style very quickly. Bull began to pre-empt her moves, and landed a few blows. He saw Krista change her tactics to counter Bull. What was that word she used? Hot. Watching her, Cullen thought she was definitely hot.

A friendly rivalry, between the Chargers cheering for Bull, and the Inquisition soldiers cheering for their Inquisitor, added to the atmosphere. Cullen realised this was actually a good morale booster after the losses at Adamant. He looked around. There were soldiers on the battlements, people hanging out of windows now, all watching. Varric was standing in front of the Great Hall, with people going up to him. He probably had a book going already. Cullen smiled. 

Krista looked at Bull. She was grinning, he was grinning back. She knew they both were a little tired now. They’d both got what they’d needed from this match. The question now was, who would give in first. She rolled to get out of his way, but Bull caught the back of her legs, bringing her down. She saw his stick poised ready to start to come down in a sweep. If she moved left or right he might catch her. She rolled forward and hit his calves. As he started drop, she managed to roll away, and get up. She turned and caught him across the shoulders. Bull raised his hand up to signal enough. A cheer went through the crowd.

Both of them were panting now. Krista could taste the blood in her mouth from the last blow she’d caught, but the adrenaline was still pumping through her. Moving over to him, she leant down, hands on her thighs, to face him. “I know you let me win, Bull.” she smiled. 

“Morale, Boss, morale.” he said smiling broadly. She cupped his cheeks and kissed him. Another cheer went up.

There was a tap on her shoulder and Krista turned to see Dorian. “If you’ve finished with my amatus, the Commander requests your presence in his office.” 

“Cullen was here? Shit! Is he mad?” she asked, looking at Dorian, who was smiling. 

“After a fashion, you could say.” Dorian laughed. 

“What does that mean? Dorian?” she asked. Shit, he could be cryptic sometimes.

“I was simply asked to deliver the message” Dorian smirked. “Now go, shoo” he waved his hand at her.

Krista raced up the stairs to the battlements and along to Cullen’s office. She opened the door and poked her head round. “I got the message. Is it safe to come in?” she was still a little breathless.

Cullen looked at her, “Come in and lock the door.”

Krista did as he asked, and watched him. He didn’t look annoyed; in fact his face was unreadable. Now she was confused. “So...you’re obviously not mad at me? Are you?” she asked.

Cullen was trying not to smile, she looked so puzzled. She was expecting a lecture, that wasn’t what he had in mind. “Upstairs now” He deliberately made it sound like a command. Krista’s eyebrows shot up. “Unless you want to undress down here?” She was now staring at him, eyes wide. He held up the bottle of alcohol and bandages. “You have cuts and probably splinters, we need to get them fixed.”

“Ohh, ok.” Cullen saw her move to the ladder, then shoot a glance at him before climbing up. Cullen followed her. Maker, he didn’t know how long he could hold his face still like this. “Take off your clothes and get on the bed” again making it sound like a command.

“All of them?” she asked. When she looked at him, he could see her trying to sift through the possibilities of what was happening. She was suspicious.

“All of them” he said. As she turned around to undress, he allowed himself a smile. She was so funny, he knew he couldn’t keep it up for much longer. 

When she’d finished, and asked him “Do you want me on my back or my front?”, he almost lost it there and then. 

He cleared his throat before answering. “On your front.” 

Krista cocked her head slightly; there was a waver in Cullen’s voice. She smiled. Is this a wind up? OK then, let’s play, she thought. She got on the bed, and felt him sit next to her. She felt the alcohol cool on her back as he wiped over her cuts. Most of the blows were only glancing ones, but she knew there would be scrapes. 

“There are a couple of splinters, I need to pull them out.” his voice was steady.

“OK, go ahead” she answered. When he put his hands on her back, she let out a tiny moan, just enough, she thought. She knew that would shake him slightly. There was a slight hitch in his breath. She tried not to giggle. There was very little pain as he pulled them out, but she deliberately owwed a little. 

“Turn over.” There was another waver in his voice.

Krista turned onto her back. When she looked at Cullen, it destroyed her composure completely. She couldn’t mistake the desire in his face. He was staring at her, up and down her body... and there she was naked on his bed, with him in his armour. Somehow, that thought made it more overwhelming. 

He’d almost lost it twice, but regained control. Cullen couldn’t stop looking at her. He remembered seeing her heading off into Adamant, stronger than he recalled seeing her before. When she came to him last night, he’d felt a wave of reassurance and hope as she put her hand on his chest. And seeing her fight with Bull, there was a confidence, almost a defiance, to her. Not a shell or veneer like before, but something that went much deeper. And Maker, it was alluring, she almost glowed with it. She was different. When he woke up that morning he was different. He wanted her, craved her.

Scenarios started running through Krista’s head. Her skin tingled, her heart raced, her limbs reduced to jelly. Her nipples were painfully hard; wet and hot didn’t even begin to describe what was happening below. And he was just sitting there, just sitting there, staring at her. The waiting, wondering what was going to happen was too much.”Cullen, please...” 

Cullen gave Krista the smile. “Was there something you needed?” He watched as her head tipped back, her eyes closed and she clutched her legs together, moaning. He hadn’t been sure he could even push her to this point. He didn’t know if he could be able to hold out whilst pushing her. He was seriously hard himself. How close she was, he couldn’t guess, but now was the time to find out. As soon as he touched her legs, her eyes flicked open. As he opened her legs and moved his head between them, she was watching. 

“Oh Maker, YES!” Her voice was breaking. Her head fell back

Krista felt Cullen part her lips with one hand, and push his fingers into her with the other. Then, he was licking, flicking, sucking, pressing and Maker knows what else with his tongue. “Oh shit!” flew out of her mouth. And noises, incoherent noises, in tune with the incoherent state of her brain. It seemed to go on, and on and on. She didn’t want him to stop, and she wanted him to make her come, both at the same time. She thought she was dying. 

When he started to move his fingers in and out of her, along with the movement of his tongue, she felt the tension speeding up. It hurt, it hurt so wonderfully now. And then release. She screamed, her muscles clenching, heat flooding in, the pain easing, the shivers flowing over her skin. She actually started to shake as the spasms hit her.

Cullen felt Krista start to shake and moved, taking her into his arms. She looked dazed. He smiled. But Maker, the scream was loud this time. If they’d tried to be discrete before, it was definitely no secret now. He kissed her. “You are loud, you know” he said still smiling.

“What? Oh...sorry. I didn’t realise. I was...otherwise preoccupied.” Krista smiled. 

“Yes, I guessed that.” Cullen leant down to kiss her. She felt her moaning. Maker, was she still...? He pulled back “Krista?” 

She stared into his eyes, “Do you want me to return the favour, Cullen?” she asked smiling.

Cullen moved to take off his armour, but Krista put her arm out. 

“Leave it on? Please. Lie down” she was grinning. 

He watched as she sat up, and patted the bed. He lay down and watched she started to undo the buttons on his pants. He was still hard, and the anticipation as she moved her hand inside and took hold of him, was too much now. When she bent down and took him into her mouth, he fell back onto the bed with a groan. 

Krista held him at the base, as she moved her mouth up and down, sometimes licking, sometimes sucking, sometimes biting gently. She brought him to the brink with her mouth, then squeezed with her hand to hold him from coming, and then started again with her mouth. She seemed to sense every time he was close. He couldn’t hold back the moans, the gasps. Cullen felt the blood pounding in his head, his heart hammering. 

Maker, the way she worked on him, what she was doing to him. Beads of sweat were running down his face. He wanted to watch, but he wasn’t sure he was even seeing clearly now. He didn’t know how much more of this he could take. He put his hand on her head, “I need to come.” his voice faltered. Cullen felt her began to suck hard on him, and as she raised her head up, her teeth dragged up the shaft over the tip. He shuddered, letting out a loud groan as he came. It was explosive, and the relief immediate. She held her mouth on him until the spasms stopped. Then she flopped down beside him. 

“Maker’s breath! I thought my head was going to explode, I can barely think straight.” His voice was still shaky. 

“Welcome to my world” Krista said, laughing now. She then became more serious, “You seem better today” the tone as much a question as a statement. She looked at Cullen.

He turned his head “I am” he said. He paused for a moment. “I know I pushed myself too hard. Sometimes I feel like I’m back there, and well, Adamant was an unpleasant reminder. I’ve never really spoken about it before, and I didn’t like the person it made me. But now I can put some distance between myself and what happened.” Cullen stroked her face with the back of his hand. “What about you? You seem different.”

Krista glanced down, “Cullen, I took your advice, I grew up.” He went to speak, but she stopped him. “You were right. I have spent so long as a nomad, with just myself to consider. I’d convinced myself that all this was just transitory. It was an excuse for the fear I felt if I took on the responsibility. It may still be transitory, but when I finally decided to be the Inquisitor, I didn’t feel powerless or afraid of the role anymore.” 

Cullen knew he wanted to ask her now. “Krista, we have some business in Ferelden, I’d like you to come with me” he waited for her response. 

“Oh, what sort of business?” she asked. 

“I’d rather tell you there...” he paused.

Krista smiled. “Ok. Yes, I’ll come with you.” 

Cullen kissed her. “I’ll make the arrangements then.”

Krista stroked her fingers over Cullen’s breastplate. “Cullen, do you have some time?” she asked languidly.

“Is there something on your mind?” his reply inviting.

“Take off your clothes, and I’ll show you.” She winked at him, smiling.

Cullen got up and started to undress. He didn’t need to be asked twice.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honnleath Pt I - Krista finally reveals how she got the scar - Inquisitor's POV
> 
> PTSD
> 
> WARNING: Some descriptions of past relationship abuse, violence and killing

As they walked down the path, Krista could hear water lapping. They came out into a clearing, ahead was a small lake.

“Cullen, this is beautiful” she breathed.

He smiled at her. “I hoped you’d like it. I grew up not far from here. It was always quiet.”

Krista sat down near the edge of the lake, and Cullen sat next to her. It was quiet. Other than the water, the only sounds were faint birdsong, and a slight breeze ruffling through the trees. She picked a blade of grass and put it in the side of her mouth, letting it hang down. It was a simple, childlike thing, and she liked the feeling it produced. 

Krista went to speak, but saw Cullen had his eyes closed, and looked deep in thought. His face was calm, relaxed. It was good to see him like that, so she didn’t disturb him. Instead, she lay back on the grass and closed her eyes. They both had enough to contend with. The luxury of doing nothing was a priceless one. She could hear the water lapping, and was wondering if she could go for a swim, when she felt a kiss and opened her eyes.

“Hello, I didn’t bring you here to sleep.” Cullen was smiling.

“I wasn’t sleeping, just thinking. This place has a serene feel.” She took the piece of grass and tickled Cullen’s face with it. “It almost makes me feel as good as you do.”

“And how good do I make you feel?” That smile again. 

“Is that in, or out, of bed?” Krista grinned. 

“Maker’s breath! You are impossible.” Cullen shook his head.

Krista laughed, “Well, you shouldn’t use unfair tactics when asking me things like that.” She pointed her finger at him. Then looking back at the lake, she asked “Cullen, do people swim in the lake?”

“They used to, but not in this part. Mostly they swam from the other bank.” he replied, indicating away to the right. He then saw where this was going. “You’re not going to...?”

Krista smiled. “You know, I think I might.” She started to undress, and was just about to remove her smalls when Cullen intervened.

“Maker’s breath! What if someone comes? Finds the Inquisitor naked in the water?” He looked more than a little concerned.

“Ah good point! The hand sort of gives it away.” Krista saw Cullen relax. She grabbed her scarf and wrapped it around her left hand. “There, problem solved” She grinned and stripped off her smalls.

Cullen rubbed his neck. “Andraste preserve me!”

Krista ran laughing into the water, then yelped as she felt how cold the water was. She dipped down quickly, but it didn’t help. Maker, she wasn’t going to last long here. Cullen was laughing at her, shaking his head. It really was too much now; she beat a retreat and dropped down next to Cullen, shivering now. 

“Are you cold enough?” he was still laughing.

Krista’s teeth started to chatter. “Not yet, give it time.” Cullen took off his coat, and put it over her shoulders. She slid her arms though the open armholes and tucked it close. “Much better, thank you. But some more heat would be nice.” She grinned at him. Cullen pulled her to him and put his arms around her. “Do you remember the last time I was naked, with you in your armour?” 

“In great detail, believe me. It’s difficult not to remember it right now.” He rubbed her arms to warm them up.

Cullen’s coat felt surprisingly warm, and with him holding her, the shivering abated. She leant her head into the mane, it tickled her cheek. And of course it smelt of him. That smell still made her heart race, but now she also associated it with love and trust. 

“Right now, I can pretend it’s just the two of us together. We’re not the Commander and the Inquisitor, we’re just Cullen and Krista” she sighed contentedly.

“Is that what you want, for the two of us to be together? I know we’ve never really spoken about the future, getting through the present can be hard enough.” Cullen asked. 

She sensed from his voice this was more than a question, he was asking about a commitment. There was nothing she wanted more, than to be with him. And she also knew, right then, she had to tell him before they took that step. If her secret changed things between them, better now than later.

“Cullen, I want to be with you, always.” Krista turned to face him, and stroked his cheek. “But there is something I want to tell you, that you need to know. It’s about this, how I got it.” She patted the scar over her breast. “And I don’t know how you will feel about me when you find out.”

Krista moved away from him, so they were sitting side by side. She didn’t want to see his face. This was going to hard enough, and she was so very scared. She took a deep breath and began.

“It wasn’t long after I’d left home, when I met him, Mikhel. He was confident, good-looking, charming...too charming. And dangerous, but I didn’t find that out until later. I wasn’t exactly sheltered, but I wasn’t experienced either. Well, he was clever, knew how to play me...I really thought he loved me. He’s the one that got me started on my path to being a thief, after he saw how good I was with locks. He set up jobs, nothing big. I did them; he took the money and gave me a cut. 

I was income, controlled income. Only I didn’t see it, didn’t see the shackles slowly being applied, not at first. It wasn’t until I started to question, that the fear tactic was bought into play. It was like...being put into a pot of water, and then the heat turned up slowly. You don’t feel what is happening straight away. But there were still good times, so I wrote off the bad things as aberrations.” 

Krista was slightly shaking now, not sure if was cold, or fear, or both. Maker this was harder than she thought it would be. Cullen moved as if to hold her, but she stopped him. “NO, not yet. I...I need to get this out before you...” Her eyes began to prick with tears at his need to comfort her. She swallowed hard, fighting back the tears. “Just hear me out first, please.” He sat back.

“Well, one night he got back early and started going through my things. Probably looking for money again, he had a gambling habit. Normally I would have let him take it; I knew what happened if I said no. 

But I was afraid he would find the letter from Cara. I hadn’t had a chance to read it yet, and had stuffed it into a pocket in my backpack. When I got her letters, I normally read and burned them. I’d told him I had no family. If he found that letter, I knew what would happen. As soon as I went to stop him, he knew I was hiding something. The punch dazed me, and he got hold of the letter.” 

She had to pause. This was something she hadn’t ever wanted to revisit, and she had to tell it the man she loved.

“The thing he spotted in Cara’s letter...was the mention of a reward for my return. Cara wanted to warn me that people would be looking for me. My parents are quite wealthy, so it was fairly substantial. It was then I found out what I meant, or didn’t mean to him. 

He wanted to turn me in for the reward. I tried pleading, didn’t he love me? But he laughed, called me a gullible whore and well...other things. I got angry. All the things I accepted, because I thought he loved me...the rage and frustration welled up, and I went for him. I didn’t get far, he was way stronger. He had me pinned down on the floor...punching me. Then he ripped open my shirt. I...I thought he was going to...but he cut me, a reminder to behave.” 

Krista paused, the tears now rolling down her face, her knees hunched up to her chest.

“I was still boiling with rage, but had the sense to know I was in a dangerous position. I kept still, and he thought he’d won. He went to get off me. I took the chance. I punched him hard in the groin, leapt on him grabbing the blade out of my boot, and slit his throat.” 

“Krista...” Cullen began, but she interrupted.

Krista was shouting “Cullen, my life wasn’t in danger. I was worth money alive, if not unharmed. But I was in a blind rage, out of control. I wanted to punish him for everything he put me through, and his betrayal. I killed him and it was murder.”

All the pent up emotions of guilt, shame, regret now poured out. They mixed in with the dread and despair that Cullen now knew her secret, and that she would lose him. The tears became uncontrollable sobbing and she felt physically sick, with her head thumping. Krista leant her head on her knees, and started rocking. Suddenly there was a fierce pain in her chest, she couldn’t breathe and was getting dizzy. Everything started to go dark, and she passed out.

When Krista came to, she found herself on Cullen’s lap, with him holding her. 

Cullen looked concerned “It seems my job has become catching you when you fall.” 

“Thank you.” Her voice was hoarse. “Maker knows what you must feel about me now.” She was still scared.

Cullen sighed and looked into the distance “Krista, I’ve made choices, decisions, or simply not questioned enough. Things that led to people dying. You don’t think I regret that.” He paused. “I’m hardly in a position to judge you for killing a man who abused you.”

You’re not judging me, but do you still love me, she thought, but didn’t dare ask. She didn’t want to hear a no; right now that would destroy her. The tears started to fall again, but they came silently. She turned her head so he wouldn’t see them, not realising that they fell onto his hand, which was still wrapped around her shoulder. 

“Look at me, Krista.” His tone was insistent, but gentle.

“I can’t. I’m terrified you don’t love me anymore.” Maker! She’d said it, she hadn’t meant to. But it was so hard holding back the fear.

“Maker’s breath!” She felt Cullen take hold of her chin and turn her to face him. He leant down and kissed her. It was soft, gentle and warm just like the kiss he’d given her after Haven. That one meant comfort, this one meant hope. When he broke away, he left a small smile on Krista’s face. 

“I love you, I will always love you.” Cullen’s voice was soft, reassuring.

Krista smiled more “I love you too, always.” She paused for a moment. “You asked the wrong question earlier, Cullen. The right question should be ‘what have you given me’.” 

“Ok, what have I given you?” Cullen looked intrigued.

“You’ve given me my life back.” Krista looked right into his eyes, so he would know she meant it, every word. “Please kiss me again.” Cullen obliged. 

This one became something more, slowly building intensity. Krista shifted to sit astride him, with her legs wrapped behind him, and fingers laced in his hair. Cullen pulled her closer, gripping his hands on her hips. They realised this was rapidly escalating. They stopped, both breathing heavily.

“We need to take this somewhere else. Back to the lodgings.” Cullen’s voice was husky.

“Yes...Ok. Maker, where did that come from?” Krista asked weakly.

“One strong emotion can lead to another. But you need to get dressed. Looking at you in my coat, I might change my mind.” His voice had the same tone as before.

Krista took off his coat and gave it back to Cullen, then got dressed. It was starting to get dark now. They rode back to the lodgings and went straight to their room.

They continued from where they left off, with Krista wearing Cullen’s coat for the second time that day.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honnleath Pt II - the morning after. Cullen gives Krista a coin, Krista shows him some tricks with it
> 
> Cullen's POV

Cullen woke up before it was light. He looked over the wall of pillows to see Krista still asleep. She looked more peaceful now. Twice she’d woken in the night, agitated, confused, looking for her knife. Twice he’d waited for her to realise where she was, so he could calm her down, and get her back to sleep. He’d seen her slip the knife under her pillow, and waited until she was asleep before removing it. After what happened, he didn’t want to risk an accident.

What would this do to her? Especially now; she’d gained so much confidence when she’d embraced her role as Inquisitor. Cullen wished he’d never asked the question now. He hated hearing what had happened to her. And seeing her break down like that scared him. It felt worse than the time he touched that damn scar. But she was right in wanting to tell him, before they decided to commit to each other. 

Krista could never be described as fragile, but yesterday she was exactly that. When they’d returned from the lake, they both wanted each other so much. But it was different this time, it was him wanting to give her the reassurance and comfort she’d needed. Cullen wanted to heal her, the way Krista had wanted to heal him.

What she’d experienced was torture, no different from what he’d suffered at Kinloch Hold. The way Cullen felt back then, if he’d got free, he would have slaughtered everyone he’d found. The Warden had stopped him from that, just by being there and talking to him. He’d still been angry, but that conversation had abated the immediate rage. All Krista had, was herself to rely on. 

Now they had each other. Cullen heard Krista stirring and looked over. She was waking up, normally this time. “Good morning” he said smiling at her. “You should sleep more, you had a restless night.”

“Hey you.” She was still rubbing her eyes, coming to. “So should you.” Krista looked at the pillow wall. “Commander, can you take a trebuchet to this wall, please.”

Cullen laughed loudly. “It would be my pleasure, Inquisitor.” and proceeded to throw the pillows aside. He watched as she shuffled her way to him. Cullen lay back, put his arm around her, and she laid her arm across his chest. He needed to ask her, it was worrying him. “How are you feeling?” 

Krista sighed. “Open, raw, tired, but relieved. It feels like...a wound that’s been drained, and needs to heal. But I’m glad that I told you. Our tranquil day got a little messed up, I’m sorry.” 

“Not as sorry as I am for causing this. This was the second time too.” his voice betraying the guilt he felt.

Krista sat up and looked sternly at him. “Don’t ever be sorry for this, or before. You did me a huge favour. Last time got me through Adamant and the Fade. This time it means I can start to move on.”

“OK. I’m just relieved...that you seem yourself today. I was worried how you would be.” He was still concerned.

“I’m a survivor, remember.” Krista kissed him. “And I still have you.” 

Cullen remembered the coin, the one he‘d planned to give to her yesterday. He moved off the bed, telling Krista “Give me a moment” and then retrieved it from his pocket. He sat down on the edge of the bed, coin in hand. 

“What’s that?” she asked, peering at it.

“Branson gave me this, the day I left for Templar training. He told me it was for luck, but it just happened to be in his pocket” Cullen let out a laugh. ”The Order frowns on such things, our faith should be enough. But I’ve carried it with me ever since. I like to think it brought me luck. I should have died in Ferelden or Kirkwall, take your pick.” 

Cullen looked at Krista, took her hand and placed the coin into it, pressing her fingers over it. “I want you to have this. Who knows what you have yet to face. It can’t hurt.”

Krista opened her hand to look at the coin, and then back at Cullen. “Thank you.” He could see she wanted to say more.

“Tell me” Cullen said.

“I’m a little scared of losing it, to be honest. Would you mind if I had it made into a necklace, so I could wear it?” Krista asked, looking at him. 

“Maker’s breath, do you need to ask?” he smiled, putting his hand briefly to her cheek. 

“I suppose not...” she stared at the coin, moving it around in her hand. 

Cullen watched as she took the coin, and laid it on the lower part of the first finger on her right hand. “I haven’t done this for a while, so I’m a bit rusty. But this coin is just the right size.” She flipped the coin over each finger, until she reached her little finger, but when she tried to flip it under, it dropped. 

“Shit” he heard, and she started again. What was she doing? This time she flipped the coin over her fingers, and then flipped it underneath each finger in turn. Then back up to where she started, and on again. She continued flipping the coin.

“Where did you learn to do that?” he asked amazed.

“It’s an old conjurer’s technique, to help build dexterity in your hands. Something you can do anywhere, anytime. Once you get the hang of it, it’s easy, and fun.” Her voice now became teasing. ”I would teach you, but you have warrior’s hands. They’re built more for strength and power.” Krista winked at him.

Cullen laughed “Are you suggesting I’m not capable?” he asked.

“No-one could ever accuse you of not being capable, Cullen. I just don’t know if your capabilities stretch to coin rolls.” She laughed lightly.

Cullen wasn’t going to back off on this challenge. “Show me how.” he said. 

Cullen listened as Krista explained the technique, and showed him more slowly how she did it. When he tried at first, the coin kept falling off or slipping through his fingers. Maker’s breath came out more than a few times. Then he finally managed to get it over three fingers.

“See, all it takes is a bit of practice. I knew you could do it.” She said smiling. “Keep at it. Eventually you’ll be able to do it without having to concentrate much.”

Cullen had to admit it was absorbing. He still had to get past three fingers, but getting to that point now felt easier. “You are full of surprises, you know. How do you find out about all these things?” he asked.

Krista smiled; a quiet smile. “I’ve travelled a lot, and been lucky to meet some interesting and unusual people. Being a nomad isn’t all bad.”

“Do you miss it?” Cullen asked.

“I miss being able to just take off sometimes, but the life overall, not now. It worked for me at that point, it was a necessity. But because you don’t put down roots, you never get to really know people, you just brush over the surface of their lives. Though it does teach you how to read people, what to notice, what to avoid.” She looked at Cullen. “Somehow that failed miserably in the beginning with you.” 

Cullen stopped his practicing, and flicked the coin up, then catching it as it fell. “We really didn’t get off to a good start, did we? I’ve thought about it, and I wonder if there was always something there, but we just went down the wrong path. I know that no-one else got to me the way you did.” 

Krista smirked at him “I certainly didn’t wind up anyone else the way I did you. You just got under my skin.”

“I see.” Cullen threw up the coin, but this time Krista leant forward and caught it.

“Mine I think.” She flicked her hand, and when she showed her palm, the coin was gone.

“What the...?” Cullen began.

Krista reached behind his ear and produced the coin. “For you, Commander.” She smiled handing back the coin.

“How did you do that?” Cullen was looking at the coin, then at her.

“You can’t tell me you’ve never seen sleight of hand before? Seriously? Where have you been?” Krista was looking at him surprised.

“I’ve not travelled as you have. Show me how you did that?” Now he was curious, but his tone had more than a hint of enticement.

“Perhaps another time.” she said saucily and went to get off the bed. 

Cullen wasn’t going to let her off the hook that easily. He pulled her back down on the bed by her hips, and leant across her. “Show me how you did that.” his voice commanding. 

“I love it when you use that voice, have I ever mentioned that?” Krista sighed, closing her eyes.

“Are you trying to distract me again?” he laughed.

“Shit, you know me too well now. Alright. Maker’s breath! So demanding.” she smirked at him.

Cullen looked at her, gave her the smile and breathed “You have no idea.” He could see her trying to process whether he meant it, or was simply teasing. 

Krista called his bluff. “Show me then.” She dragged his mouth to hers, gently biting his lip, and then sliding her tongue into his mouth.

Cullen pulled away. “Perhaps another time.” he said, grinning. 

Krista was laughing. “Good comeback. By the way, what time can we get breakfast, I’m ravenous.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wicked Grace and after
> 
> NSFW with humour and dirty talk. Some convergence with the game
> 
> Thanks to HQuinn for pointing me to Training Exercise by sea. Go read it, it's brilliant!

Krista went looking for Cullen, but he wasn’t in his office. Strange she thought, he’s normally there this time of the evening. She was getting fed up with the plans for Halamshiral and needed to vent.

Earlier in the day she’d had a minor battle of wills with Josie over what they should wear. Josie had wanted the men in dress uniform and the women in dresses. There was no way they were going to put her in a dress, Krista thought. She’d had enough of being forced into the wretched things as a child. Krista repeatedly refused, and eventually Josie gave in. It was agreed everyone would wear dress uniform. 

Heading back to her room, she ran into Varric in the Great Hall. A bunch of them had got together to play Wicked Grace in the tavern, and he’d come looking for her to join them. She found Cullen there.

Varric had obviously been busy, recruiting players. Cassandra, Dorian, Bull, Cole, Blackwall and Josie were also there. An empty seat had been left for her between Dorian sitting on one side, and Cullen, sitting around the corner of the table. Krista plonked herself down, and enthusiastically took gulps from the tankard in front of her. Hearing a noise under the table, she found Sera sprawled out. She looked like she’d already had a few drinks. 

Stories were exchanged and drinks were flowing as they played. Krista could see Varric taking mental notes, and just knew some of the stories would end up in his books. Even Cullen looked more relaxed, there was less of the seriousness he usually showed in public. Krista wondered how much he’d had to drink. 

Josie kept winning, hand after hand. “And the dealer takes everything. I win again!” she announced looking pleased.

Krista looked at the huge pot in front of Josie, and realised she never fully appreciated until now how crafty she was. The “I haven’t played for ages” ploy was an utter con. They were all being fleeced. Krista thought she’d better bow out now, while she still had some semblance of wits about her. 

And then she heard Cullen. “Deal again. I’ve figured out your tells Lady Ambassador.” 

“Commander, everyone knows a lady has no tells.” Josie smiled sweetly.

“Then let’s see if your good fortune lasts one more hand.” He settled in ready to defeat her.

Varric tried to gently dissuade him, but to no avail. Krista knew Cullen wouldn’t back down from a challenge. She had a nagging feeling this was not going to end well. 

Once his money was gone, he bet with what he was wearing. Off came his armour piece by piece, but still he went on. As his clothes followed suit, she felt the wetness kick in with a vengeance. It wasn’t until Dorian nudged her gently, and tapped his chin, that she realised her mouth was hanging open. She quickly snapped it shut.

Finally went his smalls, landing on a strut under the table near her. Cullen was now naked, butt naked in the tavern. And the dirty thoughts that went through her head; Maker, she couldn’t stop staring at him now. 

“Never bet against an Antivan, Commander.” Josie quipped, smiling.

Varric was laughing, “I tried to warn you Curly.”

Cullen was stock still, staring straight ahead. She suddenly remembered a conversation back in Haven. When everyone stood up, turning their backs to allow him to escape, she took the chance. Krista grabbed his smalls, trying desperately not to look forward as she bent down. There was more than a chance she’d embarrass them both if she did. Krista quickly stuffed them into her pocket and turned away. There was no way she wasn’t going to find him, but there were a couple of things she had to do first. 

Krista went to leave, then remembered Sera and looked under the table. She was sleeping. ‘General Uptight’, that’s what Sera called Cullen. Poor Sera, she’d be so miffed she missed it all.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

By the time she got to Cullen’s office, the others had bought his armour and clothes back. Krista knew Josie wouldn’t hang on to those. They were piled up next to the door. But there was no sign of Cullen.

“Cullen?” she called out. 

“I’m up here” came the reply” give me a minute.”

Krista quickly took off her clothes and tucked them out of sight. “Commander, is there anything I should know?” she shouted teasingly. 

He shouted back “Urgh, I’m never playing cards again. I don’t know how Varric talked me into that. I still can’t find my...never mind”. 

Krista stifled a laugh. She heard him start to come down the ladder, and quickly hauled herself onto his desk. She stealthed.

As Cullen reached the bottom of the ladder, he heard Krista giggle, then speak.

“That’s too bad” she paused “Watching you lose made me want to play cards more often...” 

When Cullen looked around he couldn’t see her at first, but then noticed a slight haze around the front of his desk. “Yes, I did notice you watching” he said, walking toward the shimmering form. There was a slight gasp. He’d seen the expression on her face back in the tavern, her mouth open and the flush on her chest, and surmised what was running through in her head. He’d never concentrated so hard on keeping control. And he just knew she’d come looking for him.

He tried to guess where her hips would be, and reached forward. There you are he thought, and then realised she was sitting there, stealthed and naked. Krista moaned when he gripped them harder. He wanted to see her. “Did you want to fuck me then, when you were watching me?” he asked, with a lustful tone. He heard a louder gasp and she unstealthed. 

“What the...? Who are you, and what have you done with Cullen?” Her eyes were wide and her mouth open, looking stunned.

He’d never really talked to her quite like that before. Cullen knew it would fluster her, and he wasn’t going to stop now. Cullen pressed himself between her legs, and started kissing her neck. She was moaning now. “I heard you shuffling in your seat.” he said breathing against her neck. “Tell me how wet you are now” came out as an order. 

“Oh Maker” she groaned. “Very...” was all she managed.

When he moved one hand and slid it up the inside her thigh, she shuddered. He paused there. “Do you want me to fuck you, right here on this desk. Is that what you want?” Cullen undid the buttons on his pants and pulled his cock out. Maker, he wanted to fuck her right then, but kept control. 

Krista eyes were now half closed, and “yes” came out, barely a whisper.

“Ask properly and I might.” another order, he moved his hand forward and pushed two fingers inside, and felt her clench. He could feel how wet she was. Krista whimpered.

“Sweet Maker!” she gasped. “Please fuck me already. Fuck me senseless.” She fell back onto the desk.

Cullen took out his fingers, dragged her to the edge of the desk. Resting her legs on his shoulders, he pushed himself into her, as deep as he could. Krista groaned or screamed, he couldn’t tell what it was, but it was loud. The noises she made really turned him on, he couldn’t hear enough of them. He pulled himself almost out of her, and then buried himself back into her, hard again. Another moan, scream, whatever it was. 

“Cullen...” he heard. “Please stop teas...Ohh”

He slammed into her again before she could finish. And again, and just kept going. All he could hear were her gasps, moans, and then grunting. Maker was she grunting now too? He felt her start pushing back when he pushed into her.

“Tell me what you want” he was almost breathless now. Cullen could sense it wouldn’t be long, but he was determined to try and hang on. Concentrate man, he thought. He then saw Krista’s hands move down, parting her lips, and then she started to stroke herself, but fast. He hesitated, transfixed on what she was doing. Maker’s breath!

“Cullen...faster...please” she demanded.

He obeyed. He thought his heart was going to leap out of his chest it was thumping so hard. Maker, this was too much now, he definitely couldn’t hold....and then she was clenching on him, hard, and he came with her. He heard Krista scream “Oh Cullen”.

He felt her spasms as well as his own. He stood there for a moment, but then realised he needed to sit down before his legs gave out. Cullen pulled out of her, lifted Krista’s legs down, and sat on the desk next to her. She was still lying on the desk, her legs dangling limply over the side, and her hand on her head. 

Cullen leant over and kissed her. “How are you doing?” he asked, still a little short of breath.

Krista laughed. “Well shit. I knew you had a wicked tongue Rutherford, but I never realised you had such a dirty mouth as well. You should use it more often.” She groaned. “Uhh, I can’t move now.”

Suddenly there were voices outside, and someone moving towards the door. “Did you lock the doors?” Cullen whispered.

Krista froze “Shit, I forgot” she said.

“Stealth, I’ll hold them.” Cullen quickly adjusted himself and pulled his shirt down.

“I can’t, I’ve no stamina left” she replied her voice panicky.

“Hide then.” He moved to the door, and turned to see her shuffling to the back of the desk. She managed to drop down over the desk, but with one of his reports stuck to her bottom. He heard “For fucks sake”, and couldn’t suppress a laugh. 

The door opened. It was one of the messengers. When he saw Cullen there, he remained in the doorway. “Commander, the report you requested. You wanted it delivered without delay.” He handed Cullen the report. 

“Thank you” Cullen replied. 

He’d managed to put on a straight face, but then there was a muffled squeal from where Krista was hiding. Maker’s breath! He saw the man look towards the noise, and knew he had to get him out. “That will be all” he said as firmly as he could muster. The messenger left and Cullen locked the door. 

“You can come out now.” he said, smiling. “What were you doing back there?”

Krista stood up clutching the report. “This fucking thing was welded to my arse thanks to you.” she waved the report at him.

Cullen couldn’t resist teasing her. “You should train more, build up your stamina. You could have stealthed then.” He laughed. 

He saw her duck down again, and then one of the pillows from his chair came flying at him. “You’re a shit Rutherford!” she yelled at him.

Cullen dodged, and then couldn’t stop laughing. He saw a smile break out on her face, and soon she joined in. The laughter eventually eased. He watched her as she walked over to him. Maker, he thought she was the beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

“Can you stay” he asked, pulling her to him.

“For a bit. We’ve an early start tomorrow, on a mission for you this time. Emerald Graves.” Krista leant her head on his chest, and started to stroke his bottom. “What did you have in mind?”

“Get up that ladder and I’ll show you” he said. As she moved away, he slapped her bottom smartly. “Faster” he ordered. 

Krista moaned, and then turned to face him smiling, the flush already on her. “You’re a wicked man, Commander.” 

“Why thank you, Inquisitor. You know I take my service to you very seriously” he gave her the smile.

“Andraste preserve me!” he heard, Krista’s voice faltering as she started up the ladder.

Cullen smirked, checked the other doors, and followed her to his loft.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning, he saw Krista off. She was taking Bull, Dorian and Cole with her. He knew Krista felt that they worked well together as a unit. 

Before she left she whispered in his ear “I’ll be thinking of you as I try to get comfortable on my horse, then probably curse you later.” 

Cullen laughed. He then kissed her “Be safe” he said. 

As she left, she called out “I hope you find your missing...whatever it was.”

He needed a walk and it was a beautiful, cool, crisp morning. He decided to take the long way round back to his office, via the top courtyard. As he got up there he found a few soldiers standing by the notice board, pointing and laughing. He went over to see.

And there, Cullen saw his smalls pinned to the noticeboard. He rubbed his neck. Maker’s breath! “Back to your duties” he ordered. When the coast was clear, he pulled them down, and stuffed them into his pocket. He was definitely going to have words with the Inquisitor on her return.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Visit 1/3 - Krista gets bad news, her parents are coming to Skyhold

Krista sat at her desk. Shit, she really hated writing reports. And this one was very, very late. Even Cullen was now nagging her for this one. He was fed up with Josie reminding him to remind her.

Orlesians and their ‘Game’. At least they had managed to foil Corypheus’s plot to throw Orlais into chaos. Florianne had been publicly exposed, and she’d persuaded Celene, Gaspard and Briala to work together in the interests of Orlais. Hah, persuaded, more like blackmailed. It was a shaky alliance, but she hoped it would last at least long enough to take down Corypheus.

By that point she’d had enough of the whole state of affairs, and slipped away onto one of the balconies. If she didn’t get away, she would punch someone. One of those nobles who pestered Cullen would have been the first target on her list, or probably all of them. But that would have left Josie to sort out the mess, and poor Josie had been stressed enough about the whole thing anyway. Sera was right, they should have just thrown in some bees and slammed the doors. 

But Cullen in his dress uniform was almost too irresistible. After he’d danced with her, it had taken all her will not to haul him off somewhere. Krista felt for her necklace, which held his coin, and sat there playing with it. Daydreaming about Cullen held much more appeal than boring reports. Footsteps coming up the stairs interrupted her thoughts. 

“Inquisitor, do you have a moment?” asked Josie.

“I’m doing the report right now, Josie, you’ll have it today, I swear.” she put on her most convincing voice.

“It was actually something else I wished to discuss with you.” Krista thought she looked a little hesitant. 

“Oh Maker. Please don’t tell me I actually screwed something up at Halamshiral after all?” Krista had prayed all that was behind them.

“Not at all, Inquisitor. Halamshiral was a success. This is something else.” Josie paused. “Your parents will be arriving here the day after tomorrow” she announced.

Krista started spinning the coin fiercely now. She could see Josie looking at her. They all knew she’d had no contact with them since she’d left home. Only Cullen knew the whole story. 

“Both of them?” Krista asked, the long forgotten knot in the pit of her stomach now reawakening. 

“Yes Inquisitor, along with a couple of their staff.” Josie answered watching Krista. The coin spun faster.

“Thanks Josie. There’s something I need to do. If anyone needs to know where I am....I’ve...I’ve gone to see a man about a nug.” Shit, shit, shit, after all this time she thought. 

“Inquisitor?” Josie looked totally confused.

“Sorry Josie. I’ll be back in a few hours. Maybe we can discuss this further then?” She asked.

“Of course, Inquisitor.” With that Josie left.

Not a whisper since she’d been made Inquisitor, and suddenly they wanted to see her. She had her suspicions as to why they were coming now. Krista needed Cullen right now, and went to find him.

Cullen was in discussion with some of the soldiers when he saw Krista arrive by the walkway door. She nodded and stood against the wall waiting for him to finish. He could see by the way she was fidgeting with her necklace, she was agitated. After some minutes, he dismissed the soldiers and she came over to him.

“Can you spare some time...please.” her voice belied the plea in her eyes.

“For you, always” he replied. Something was wrong, he could see it.

“We need to go scare a nug...if there even are nugs around here.” The joke was only half-hearted.

What was going on? She hadn’t needed to scream since Crestwood. Cullen followed her to the stables, and they rode out of Skyhold. Finally they got far enough. He watched as she went through the same routine. Because they were in the mountains, it echoed around...loudly. Cullen waited for her. After a while, she walked back to him and put her arms around him. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her head.

“Better?” He asked.

“Some, not as much as I’d hoped. Thank you for coming with me” she replied.

“Will you tell me now what’s wrong” he asked, a note of concern in his voice.

“My parents are coming to Skyhold” she sounded weary.

He wasn’t expecting this. “Why now? They’ve never contacted you all this time.” he asked, surprised.

“Exactly” He heard a little curt laugh as she looked up at him. “Cullen, I suspect they’re coming here to try and marry me off again. We did save Celene after all, political connections you see. The Trevelyans have been doing it for years; they have links to so many houses across Thedas. And now I’m very eligible.”

“Maker’s breath!” Cullen’s hand went automatically to rub his neck.

Krista sighed “My parents aren’t bad people, but this is what happens, generation after generation. It’s expected that the Trevelyan children join the Chantry, or become Templars, or make marriage connections. Fulfil their familial duties. It’s just the way it’s always been done. It wasn’t the way I wanted to live my life though.” 

“What are you going to do?” he asked. He now felt really uneasy about the whole thing. 

“That is what I need to work out. At the moment, I have no idea” she replied.

Cullen saw her eyebrows furrowing. She reached up and stroked his lips, and ran her finger over the scar above his lip. Then she smiled. He knew she had a thing about his scar and couldn’t help but smile back. 

“Never, ever forget that I love you. You’re the one I want to be with. You make me happy. And I always want to fuck the shit out of you” she said poking his chest with her finger. Cullen laughed.

“You know I feel the same. I’m just curious where you are going with this.” Cullen stroked her face.

“I just want you to remember what I’ve said” Krista sighed. “Don’t be honourable, not this time.” 

They rode back to Skyhold. Cullen watched as she went back up to the Great Hall. This was her ground; he had to leave this one up to her to figure something out. Sweet Maker! He really didn’t like the sound of all this. They’d come through so much together, and he didn’t want to lose her now. Sometimes he wished it was just the two of them, not the Inquisitor and Commander, but that wasn’t possible, not while they still had Corypheus to deal with.

Krista had seen Cullen’s face before they started back; she could see he was uneasy. She didn’t blame him; she wasn’t exactly feeling good about the situation. Right now she needed to talk to Josie about arrangements. Krista made her way to her office. Rocky was right. Stupid noble crap, she thought. Afterwards she would look for Dorian.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Krista found Dorian up in the Library, pulling at books on the shelves. 

“What are you doing Dorian?”

“You have remarkably little on early Tevinter history.” His hand alighted on a small book and he yanked it out.

“Maleficar Imperio? Trite propaganda!” Dorian threw the book over his shoulder and she watched it fly over the railing, into Solas’s rotunda below, landing with a thud. She prayed it hadn’t landed onto his paints.

“But if you want twenty volumes on whether Divine Galatea took a shit on Sunday, this is evidently the place to find it!”

“Dorian!” she hissed at him. 

“What?” She’d got his attention.

“I need to talk to you, it’s important”, she said, looking around. 

”Ooo...is it a secret?” he smirked

“Yes, sort of, can we talk somewhere more private?” After discussing arrangements with Josie, she was feeling irritated again. The one person who would understand her predicament would be Dorian. Krista was closer to him than she had been to her own brothers, and he knew some of her story, but not all of it.

“We can go to my room, but it may cause tongues to wag.” he suggested. She often thought that he was more concerned about how their relationship was viewed than she was.

“Dorian, quite honestly, right now, fuck their tongues.” she said with more than a hint of anger, and a tad too loudly

“Oh Inquisitor, does your beloved know you possess such a profane mouth. Well, if anyone would I suppose it would be him. But this, in public, is quite extreme, even for you.” he whispered, actually giggling now. 

Maker’s breath she thought. She socked him on the arm. “Your room, now!”

“Of course, my darling” he smirked and off they went.

Once they arrived she plonked herself on his bed and he sat next to her. “So, tell me what prompted your evident irritation.” he asked. “Please don’t tell me you’ve fought with your strapping Templar again. Actually, no you wouldn’t be angry, more pitifully pining if I recall the last time.”

Krista glared at him “My parents are coming here, and I strongly suspect they’re planning another marriage alliance.”

“Ahh...fuck. But why would....of course, Halamshiral.” he said now serious.

“Clever boy, I thought you’d get it. This time I can’t just disappear, I have too many responsibilities. And as much as I would love to impart the wise words of my greatest friend, and tell them to shove it up their wit’s end, sadly that’s not an option.” Krista lifted up her legs, moving them to sit cross legged on Dorian’s bed.

“Why isn’t it?” Dorian asked. “If I remember correctly, Orlais is what, the third or fourth royal house you’ve helped out now. Both Orlais and Ferelden owe you personally. Nevarra and Tevinter with the Venatori on their border. 

“I used family connections with the border issue, through my cousin.” Krista replied. “I’ve requested nothing from my parents. I even stopped Josie contacting them early on. They still have a lot of contacts they can hold over my head if they wanted to, contacts that are useful to Josie.” Krista was now picking at a loose thread on her pants.

“I despair of you sometimes. At the Winter Palace, I watched you twist a whole empire around your little finger. You’ve faced down a darkspawn magister, and his dragon, stopped a demon army, and came back from the Fade, twice. You are not a child any more, and well capable of facing down your parents too. Maker’s breath!” He sounded dismayed. 

Krista giggled and Dorian looked at her sternly. “I’m sorry Dorian, I can’t help it. I know you’re right. But you do sound a bit like Cullen now with the Maker’s breath.”

“Speaking of the dashing Commander, have you told him?” He had a slight smile now.

“I have” she replied. “I think it makes him nervous. He doesn’t deal with politics too well.” That was an understatement, she thought. 

“Yes, I do remember him at the Winter Palace. The poor man resembled prey circled by a pack of wolves.” Dorian got up. “Come on, let’s go and see Bull and get, what was that word you used? Ah yes, wasted. Tomorrow we prepare.” 

Krista hesitated, but Dorian insisted “Don’t worry, Inquisitor. We can always get the Commander to come to your rescue again. I’m sure he doesn’t mind carrying you to bed, judging from the noises we hear coming from his quarters when you’re in residence.” 

A pillow flew towards Dorian, which caught him as he turned. ”You’re a shit, Pavus. And don’t call me Inquisitor.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Visit 2/3 - The Trevelyans arrive, Cullen plays chess and finds his courage, Krista surprises them all

Cullen was sitting at his desk trying to focus on the reports in front of him, some of which he’d begun reading, then lost concentration, and put back down again. He couldn’t even remember which ones he’d started, and which were yet unread. All he could think of was that Krista’s parents were due to arrive. 

At some point, he knew he would have to see them; she would be presenting her advisors to them later. Josie had arranged a whole timetable for the visit, and wanted to put on a show to greet them. Thankfully Krista had managed to reduce the scale of it. She explained they would consider a grand display too ostentatious. He’d already made sure to arrange an honour guard to accompany Krista when she greeted them. In fact, they were probably more ready than he was right now. Cullen was dreading staring into the faces of the people who may try to take Krista away from him.

Apart from a meeting yesterday morning with her advisors to finalise details of the timetable, he’d barely seen her. She’d explained that she needed to discuss possible strategies with Josie and Leliana, ones that included him, and they needed to talk frankly. Because of that, she didn’t feel it would fair for him to be there. Cullen didn’t object; he didn’t want to hear them. But what he did notice was that she barely came out of her room most of the day. 

Only in the evening did he see her, when she came to his office. The first thing she did was stand behind him, and put her hands on his neck, checking for tension. Off came the armour, and she was massaging his neck and shoulders. It had felt good, as it always did. He missed it when she was away, he had more headaches. But overall, less than he’d ever had, not to mention the reduction in the frequency of his dreams. There was no doubt; they were good for each other. Suddenly Cullen’s door flew open, and Dorian and Bull burst in. 

“Don’t mind us Commander, we just here to drag you away to cheer on our poor Krista. She needs moral support for her family reunion, so we decided we could hang over the battlements like gawking bystanders.” Dorian was indicating for him to get up.

“I’m afraid I have all these reports to get through before the meeting later.” Cullen bluffed.

Bull stepped forward. “Yes Cullen, we can see how busy you are, sitting back in your chair, with that hang dog expression on your face. Remember, you should size up your enemy before taking them on, which I gather you will be doing later”.

Cullen exhaled loudly “Krista sent you, didn’t she?” he asked.

Dorian smiled “Not in so many words, but I think she’d like to see you, at least while she greets them. Help stiffen her spine, and make her remember what she’s fighting for.” His voice was now gentle.

Cullen knew Dorian was right. “Alright then, lead on.” 

They took up a position not far from Cullen’s door on the battlements and waited. It wasn’t long before the carriage arrived. Word went up, then Krista came out of the door of the Great Hall and stood waiting on the steps. 

Three voices spoke at once, “Fasta Vass”, “Vashedan” and “Fuck...” Dorian and Bull turned to look at Cullen, and then each other before looking back. 

Cullen couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Krista...in a dress. A dark red dress that followed her curves down, and then flared out from her hips. “Please tell me, are both of you seeing this? Or am I dreaming?” 

“That is definitely a dress, a very well fitted one, not to mention imposing.” Dorian was just as incredulous. 

Bull simply said “Boss is ready for battle, the dress is her amour. Watch how she’s holding herself.” 

They were both right, Cullen thought. The woman standing there was the Inquisitor, with all the power and meaning that came with it. He couldn’t imagine that woman would ever hoist herself onto a desk, let alone shuffle over it with a report stuck to her arse. Krista was looking around and spotted the three of them. Just for a moment, the illusion broke and she waved, holding up her necklace. Cullen smiled, even with all the trappings, she kept that on. Maker, he did love her. 

“Are the nobs here yet?” said a voice brightly next to them. Sera had arrived now. 

“Yes, but look over there” Bull said indicating the door to the Great Hall.

Sera turned “Andraste’s tits! Is that...?” she then let out a loud wolf whistle. “I’d give her...”

“Sera!” Bull said sharply. 

Sera muttered something, then looked round “Where’s Varric?”

“Inside, waiting to take notes” said Cole appearing.

Sera spat “Shite, too fucking creepy” she said and moved as far away as she could from Cole.

Cullen smiled, Krista certainly did inspire loyalty. He had no doubt they all were there for her. He looked up again, and he thought he could see her smile. 

From this vantage point they couldn’t see into the lower courtyard clearly. It wasn’t until the party came into the upper courtyard, that they got a look at the Trevelyans. Cullen guessed that the first two were Krista’s parents. They were older than he imagined, until he remembered she was the youngest of eight. 

Her father was tall, and held himself ramrod straight. Her mother was more Krista’s height and moved elegantly. They were definitely nobility Cullen thought. Following them was a young man clutching a board much like Josephine’s, and what looked like a small satchel containing papers. The last person he couldn’t see properly, obviously female, but her cloak covered her head and body. 

None of them spoke; they were transfixed on what was happening below. The party ascended the steps past the honour guard, finally reaching Krista, who had now been joined by Josephine. Cullen watched as Krista greeted her parents, it was very formal. He thought how different it was from how he had been with his parents. It looked like the young man was unknown to her, she nodded and the young man bowed. The last member of the party took off her hood, and he could see she was an elderly Elven woman. And no-one could doubt the warm embrace Krista gave her. 

Bull spoke. “Cullen, whoever she is, that is the person who means most to the Boss. She stopped being the Inquisitor for a moment, just for her. But what she‘s here to do I can’t say.”

Cullen’s heart sank, had they bought someone who they thought could shatter Krista’s resolve? Maker, this day was going from bad to worse. He didn’t want to go back his office; there was no chance of him reading anything now. But he needed some form of distraction. 

“Dorian, would you care for a game of chess?” he asked. He knew Dorian cheated, but he didn’t care. He nearly always beat him anyway.

“It would be my pleasure, Commander.” Dorian looked at Bull who smiled and nodded, and off they went. 

It occurred to Cullen, he’d never played chess with Krista. Whatever happened, he would remedy that.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Krista had finally managed to offload her parents. Her father, along with his secretary, was now sitting with Varric, asking endless questions about his books and Hawke. Josie was regaling her mother with tales of Halamshiral. She really owed Varric and Josie for that. Krista finally had Nana to herself and wanted to show her Skyhold.

“Mir len, after so long, this is how I see you again?” Nana asked.

“I’m so, so sorry I didn’t tell you before I left, but I didn’t want you to get into trouble with Mama and Papa. But Cara kept you informed?” Krista had always felt bad for leaving without a goodbye to Nana; she had brought her up and been there her whole life until she left home. To Krista she was her mother, not her nanny. The only thing she’d had ever hidden from Nana was her plans to leave.

“She did. But I suspect you didn’t tell Cara everything, did you?” she looked at Krista.

“No, I couldn’t put it into the letters, we had to be careful. I knew they were still looking for me. For a while at least.” Krista held Nana’s hand. “Some of it was bad Nana. I did something I’m ashamed of. But some was good too. And now, well. I bet Papa can’t quite believe I’m Inquisitor.” 

“Indeed, he was in shock for three days. I want to know all these good and bad things. But later, now show me your home” She smiled. 

“Ma nuvenin” Krista replied. “I’ll take you to the garden, we grow herbs there. I know you’d like to see that.”

As they entered the garden, Krista saw Cullen with Dorian, playing chess. The smile started without her realising. She turned to Nana, “I want you to meet the two people who mean most to me here. The one with the dark hair is Dorian, my closest friend, and the other one is Cullen, he’s...” Krista hesitated, what could she call him. She couldn’t find a word to describe what they had.

“I think what you’re looking for is not just the man you love, but something more. Kitty, I see your face when you look at him. You would give him everything, wouldn’t you? Even your life?”

“Yes Nana, even that. He gave me everything back, how could I do no less?” Krista felt her heart swell as she looked at Cullen, and then felt a pat on her wrist.

“So are you going to introduce me than, lethallan?” Nana was smiling at her.

It would be my pleasure, hahren.” Krista took Nana over to the chess table. Cullen and Dorian were concentrating and didn’t see them at first. “Gentleman, could we disturb your game for a moment? I’d like you both to meet Nana Mihris, who raised me and to whom I owe so much.”

Cullen and Dorian practically leapt up from the table. 

Krista saw Dorian recover first. He stepped forward and took Nana’s hand to kiss it. “It is a delight to meet you.” He gushed smiling at her.

Krista heard Nana laugh “He’s a smooth one isn’t he?” she said.

Dorian started laughing “You are a very astute lady, Nana Mihris, and very direct.”

Nana turned to Cullen, who had snapped to attention and gave a bow. Krista saw Nana looking at him. “You’re a Templar aren’t you? I know. Kitty’s sister was one too.”

Maker, she’d not just used her nickname? She had, and in front of Cullen. Shit! She would have words with Nana about this. This was deliberate.

“I was, not any more. Now I command the Inquisition forces for the Inquisitor.” Krista could see he was nervous. She saw him glance at her, so she smiled and winked. When he saw her he smiled back, and relaxed. 

“Ahh, there he is. I can see why now, Kitty. Young man, come here, let me look at you.” Nana motioned Cullen to come closer, and he took a few steps forward. “Beautiful eyes, I can see why she loves you.”

Krista could see Cullen starting to blush now, and Dorian was stifling a giggle at Cullen’s embarrassment. 

“So Commander, you play chess. Would you be interested in a game with an old lady? That is if this handsome young man doesn’t mind me butting in?” Nana asked, glancing at Dorian

Oh Maker’s breath, Krista thought. She knew Nana used to be excellent at chess. But she’d heard Cullen was good too.

Dorian bowed “Please, I would enjoy watching both of you.”

“I would be honoured.” Cullen said politely, gesturing to the table.

Krista knew Nana was up to something. She grabbed Cullen’s arm and stood up on her toes to whisper in his ear. “Play like you’ve never played before. She’s good.” He gave a slight nod. They sat down and Cullen reset the board. Dorian found a couple of chairs, and he and Krista sat down to watch. 

Dorian leant over and whispered, “Kitty, eh?”

Krista whispered back menacingly, “Tell anyone else, and I will hurt you, badly. I promise. And I’ll tell him the same.” She pointed towards Cullen. Not to mention the words she would have for Nana.

Krista could see them both concentrating, and the moves sometimes fast, sometimes slower. She turned to Dorian. “What’s happening?”

“It’s very even at the moment. I certainly wouldn’t want to play against her. She doesn’t do conventional moves.” He looked round. “You don’t play?” he asked.

“Never had the patience. Nana tried, but she couldn’t keep me out of the trees or off the roofs for long enough.” Krista was still watching the game.

“Why does that not surprise me?” Dorian snickered. “I have to know something.” He asked.

“What’s that?” she replied, only half listening.

“The dress...you nearly shocked poor Cullen half to death. First time I’ve heard him say the word fuck. Didn’t know if was shock, or what he wanted to do to you when he saw it.” Dorian could see she wasn’t paying full attention.

“Probably the latter...wait...what? No, I meant...oh fuck you.” She slapped Dorian on the arm.

“Kitty, quiet. Cullen and I are playing.” Nana’s voice was slightly stern.

“Sorry Nana.” Krista was contrite.

“I don’t know, mir len.” Nana tutted. “Cullen, do you have problems keeping her under control?” 

“Not so much now. It’s just finding the right method.” Cullen was smirking.

Krista’s mouth opened, but no sounds came out. Had Cullen actually insinuated...? Maker, he had. She felt heat rush into her face. 

“Your face matches your dress, darling.” Dorian giggled and put his hand under her jaw, to push her mouth shut.

Nana started “I’m glad to hear it, Cullen. Always a wilful child and...”

“Obstinate” went Nana and Cullen in unison.

Krista wanted to find somewhere to crawl into. She was dying from embarrassment. Dorian was still giggling behind his hand.

“You do know her” Nana smiled at Cullen. “Tell me something though. What would you give for her?”

When he answered it was immediate, no hesitation. “My life.”

In that second Krista went from embarrassment to almost tears. She swallowed hard.

“Cullen, I believe you have checkmate in two moves. I have everything I wished to know. Thank you for the game.” Nana moved over to where Cullen was sitting, and whispered in his ear. 

“I promise. Thank you.” he said smiling broadly.

“Promise what? You two are up to something. Nana, why is he thanking you?” Krista was now suspicious. 

Nana walked past her and waited. When Krista got up and went to go and join her, she found herself turned round. Cullen pulled her to him and kissed her. She automatically put her hands around his neck and kissed back. 

When he broke away, he stroked her cheek.”I love you.” he said

“I love you too.” Krista replied, stroking his scar. It then dawned on her. Cullen had never kissed her in public like that, and now her parents were at Skyhold too. “Cullen...” she began “Why now?”

“I stopped being afraid of losing you” he said confidently.

For the second time, her mouth opened, and nothing came. She felt someone tug her by her hand and looked around. Nana. And she was smiling. 

“Come Kitty, let’s get you cleaned up, and let your young man get dressed for the presentation.”

“Nana, what did you do to him?” she asked when they were out of earshot.

“Just a little prod, nothing more. You also needed to know how hard he would fight for you. I approve Kitty, he’s a good man. She paused “Handsome and athletic too. How is he in bed?” she asked

“Maker’s breath, Nana!” Krista paused. “Pretty amazing actually.” She sighed.

They went off to Krista’s room.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Visit 3/3 - Cullen and Krista find some peace, an alliance is concluded
> 
> NSFW

As soon as everyone retired, Krista slipped out and went to Cullen’s office. It was late and she noticed his lights were out. She carefully opened the door and called out quietly “Cullen?” 

“Up here” he answered. Good, he was still awake. Now she just had negotiate the ladder in her dress. This was going to be awkward. She stood and looked at for a moment, then grabbed the skirt and hoisted it catching part of the fabric in her mouth.

“What are you doing down there?” Cullen called out.

Krista tried to answer but it came out as “uckin ess...on o” 

“What?” she heard him shout back. She groaned.

She made her way up the ladder and finally managed to scramble over the top. She opened her mouth and the dress dropped down. “I said...fucking dress, one mo.” Krista moved forward toward the bed.

“So...Kitty?” said Cullen mockingly.

She stopped at the edge of the bed. “Oh, for fucks sake.” She growled and clenched her fists. “I’m never going to live this down.” Krista then put her hands on her hips and donned a stern look at Cullen “I’ll tell you what I told Dorian. Breathe a word of this and I will hurt you, badly.”

Cullen laughed and moved towards her, sitting on the edge of the bed, with the sheet barely covering him. She felt her resolve to be annoyed wobble a bit. Then he pushed his hand underneath the hem of her dress, and slid it to just below her hips. “Underhand tactics, Rutherford.” she said, just a little more distracted. 

“So what would you do then, Kitty?” he teased. 

As Krista went to turn, he pulled her onto the bed. Maker, the heat was now pooling in her. But she was determined to give him a run for his money. She saw an opening, and tickled him. She’d only recently found his ticklish spots. He let go and she jumped up, which wasn’t easy in the dress.

“So now who’s using underhand tactics?” he laughed.

“Well, you left me no choice. I can’t move properly in this thing.” She lifted up the skirt and let go in a sign of frustration.

“Take it off then.” Cullen replied, giving her the smile.

Maker, she was a sucker for that smile. Her legs were now unsteady. She straightened up as best she could. “Only if you stop calling me Kitty” she smiled back.

Cullen put his hands up “I promise. Now please come over here and sit down” he patted the bed. 

Krista sat on the edge of the bed next to him. “I need your help in undoing the lacing at the back.” She felt Cullen undo the top knot and slide out the lacing. As he continued, she could feel his breath on her as the dress opened up. Then she heard “Huh?” and giggled. “No Cullen, that technically is called a corset, and right now the damn thing is killing me.”

“I do know what a corset is.” he said indignantly. “I’ve just never seen you with so many layers. Maker’s breath!”

“I’m the fool wearing them, how do think I feel? I can’t even bend down to take off my boots.” Krista stood up and wriggled out of the dress.

She looked back at Cullen, who was now staring at her with his mouth slightly open. “What’s wrong?” she asked looking down. “Has it split or something? Oh Maker, I hope not, it’s borrowed.”

“That’s not exactly what I was looking at. You just look different in the corset and boots. I’m not sure I can even explain it...” his voice sounded unsteady, and he reached back to rub his neck.

Krista looked at him and noticed the raised sheet above his...Oh I see, she thought. Krista was no stranger to Cullen’s erections, but this one looked much fiercer, much earlier. She looked at what she was wearing, a normal corset, granted it pushed in and up quite well, perhaps too well, and the boots did have heels and were longer than her normal sort. She had to ask.

“Cullen? Is it the outfit that’s getting you so worked up?” she asked.

He cleared his throat. “It’s you in the outfit. Maker I don’t know why, but I’m barely hanging onto control here. I just want to throw you on the bed and fuck you with the outfit on.” 

Krista eyebrows shot up. “Oh...I see.” The thought that looking at her made him feel like that, bought a rush of heat to her. She suspected he wouldn’t last long, but she was curious know what would happen. The more she thought about, she knew she wanted to find out. “Ok then” she said, walking towards him.

It all happened so fast. He pulled down her smalls down to her ankles and then hauled her up onto bed on her knees, and yanked them off. Her legs were moved apart, and he practically rammed into her. She gasped in surprise. 

Maker, he ‘d never taken her so fiercely before. She knew from how he felt, he would come first, but also that he wanted her so much. It hurt more than usual, but she didn’t want him to stop. And he didn’t. And the noises, they were from somewhere deep inside, not like the ones he usually made. She closed her eyes and just concentrated on the sensations. She was doing this for him, but that didn’t detract from the fact that it made her feel so good. And then he came, thrusting so hard, she had to hold steady or they’d both have gone crashing onto the bed, with him landing on her.

And he screamed so loud, she’d never heard him like that before. It was then she began to realise there was something else going on. Krista felt him pull out, and then land on the bed next to her. He was breathing really heavily. She waited for his breath to settle a bit and then asked the question. 

“Cullen, do you understand what was happening just now?” she kept her voice soft.

He rubbed his thumb across his forehead. “I think I do now.” he thought for a moment and then spoke again. “When I saw you standing there dressed like that, you looked like pure desire, but good. It didn’t feel wrong to want you like that, to completely let go. But I didn’t want to hurt you, and I was worried I might. The minute you said Ok, I couldn’t control it any longer. Whatever emotions were inside me just came tumbling out.” 

“How do feel now?” she asked.

“Lighter” Cullen turned to look at her. “Thank you.”

Krista smiled “That’s what friends are for.” 

“We’re friends now?” he asked.

“ I certainly hope so” she replied “I certainly wouldn’t want to spend the rest of my life with someone who wasn’t my friend, as well as my lover.”

“Good point” Cullen smiled.

“And as my friend, please could you help me off with this corset now?” she asked, huffing

“It would be my pleasure” Cullen replied.

Krista finally managed to breathe out and move properly, and proceeded to take off her boots. She flopped on the bed next to Cullen. She had been thinking while taking off her boots. This could be a very bad idea, but she wanted to try. The fact she wanted to try felt positive.

“Cullen, I need your help.” Krista looked over at him.

“Maker’s breath, I’m so sorry, I just got so caught up. I came but you didn’t.” He lent up on his elbow. “Tell me what you want.”

Krista took a deep breath. “I want you to touch my scar.” She saw Cullen’s eyes widen.

“I...I’m not sure that’s a good idea. And now with your parents here, what if it goes wrong like before.” He looked really concerned.

She could see his hand resting on his hip and grabbed it, placing it on the scar before he could stop her. He tried to pull away, but she held on. Nothing, she felt nothing. 

“Krista, please talk to me. You’re making me worry now.” His voice had a slight panicky tone.

“There’s nothing, I don’t feel anything. I need you to try something for me. Trust me?” she asked.

“I do, but I’m still a little worried.” he answered “Tell me what you want me to do.”

“Kiss my breast, then kiss the scar, please?” She could see his face drop, she knew he was fearful for her. “Please just try for me. I need to see what happens. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with you avoiding touching me anywhere near there.”

Krista saw his head move down to her breast and she felt him take her nipple into his mouth, sucking, licking and gently biting on it. Maker that felt so good, she started to feel the heat build up in her groin. He then felt him start to move upwards and it still felt good. The scar always felt tender, because it had healed badly, so when his tongue got there, she flinched slightly. Cullen stopped. “Don’t stop, carry on”. Maker, there was no anguish just pleasure. Just the feel of his tongue on her skin, and on her scar.

He went past it, kissing and licking his way up to her neck, then across her chin and finally laying his mouth over hers. Her hands practically flew up to his head and she raked her fingers into his hair. Right then, all she wanted was to kiss him. She’d wanted to feel normal, not like part of her body was wrong, and she finally she could. She felt Cullen break away. Of course, he wanted to check on her.

“I’m good, and I don’t want you to stop.” She smiled at him and saw the relief in his face. Maker, she loved this man. “Where were we then?” she asked. Cullen smiled at her and gently took her hand and placed it between her legs. 

“I want to watch this time”. He said and then gave her the smile, the one where the corner of his mouth went up making his scar almost wrinkle. 

She was a sucker for that smile. She took a deep breath and began. Krista then felt his tongue on her breast and could see he was looking down at the same time. She closed her eyes, drawing in all the sensations, her fingers, his tongue, her body heating up, her spine tingling, her skin slightly prickling and the ache inside her. All building up, more and more and more and more, the moans now pouring forth from her, and now his fingers inside her and then release, as she came. And screamed.

Krista opened her eyes, to see Cullen looking at her. He kissed her. “You’re still loud, you know” he said when he broke away. 

“That makes two of us this time” she grinned. She stroked his scar. “Thank you” she said.

“What I said today, I meant it you know, I would give you my life.” Cullen stroked her chin and neck.

“I know, and I feel the same” Krista stroked his lips.

“I know you do, Nana Mihris told me” he grinned.

“Did she now? What else did she say though? I know there was something else.” Krista narrowed her eyes. 

“Ah, all will be revealed at the appropriate time. You trust me don’t you?“ he was grinning broadly now.

“Always. Even you’re a cryptic shit, Rutherford.” Krista squealed as Cullen grabbed her sides. She wished he’d never found her ticklish spots. She tried to grab for his, but he pinned her arms down. They were both laughing.

Cullen then looked at her, and Krista looked at him, and they kissed slowly and softly, and then harder and deeper.

Krista finally got back to her room just before dawn. Luckily she’d managed to avoid anyone on the way back, which was probably just as well as she ended up carrying the corset. Maker, she was sore and her stomach hurt from all the laughing. But she was happier than she’d been in a long time. 

And more than ready to take on negotiations with her parents.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cullen sat in his office working. He knew Krista would be coming soon, she’d seen off her parents earlier. He knew the only one she would miss was Nana Mihris. She tried to spend as much time with her as she could.

He’d heard earlier that negotiations had gone well. It seemed like everyone had got something from the deal, even though he knew from Leliana compromises had been made. He wasn’t worried anymore. The only thing he’d wanted, he already had. The rest Krista and Josie had sorted out.

As if on cue, a familiar figure came through the door. “Hey you” Krista called out.

“I heard the outcome was good. And you look pleased.” He said.

“ I think discussions were fruitful. Josie is a brilliant negotiator. The inquisition has an alliance with House Trevelyan, they have access to Inquisition diplomatic ties, allowing them to build their own alliances. And we have access to their contacts and allies. I will formally relinquish my title after we defeat Corypheus. Everyone came away with something.” 

“Are you OK with losing your title?” Cullen asked.

“Absolutely, I don’t need it, and they won’t pester me for marriage alliances anymore. I’m only keeping it for appearances sake until we complete our mission. In reality, I’m no longer a noble.” Krista sighed “I was never a very good one anyway, I’ve much preferred being out of that life.”

Cullen watched as she came and sat on his desk in front of him. He sat back in his chair. She sat watching at him, then smiled, and he knew what was coming.

“Commander, do you have some time?” 

“Inquisitor, is there something on your mind?” 

“Commander, I need to borrow you.”

“Inquisitor, give me a moment, then I’m yours.”

“Fuck that, Rutherford, I need you now”

Cullen couldn’t resist one last jibe. “Or what will you do, Kitty?”

He tried to move as she flew forward, but was too slow. They both ended up in a heap on his floor. Eventually they made it upstairs.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Krista has something to tell Cullen
> 
> (reworked chapter)

Krista was sitting up above the forge, hiding. She’d been here most of the day. Right now she didn’t feel able to talk to anyone. Nobody but Cassandra came up here, and she wasn’t back yet. Most of them were still on their way back from the Arbor Wilds. There was only her team, herself and Morrigan who came back through the Eluvian, and the skeleton force left at Skyhold. They had been back a few days now, and the rest of them would be back tomorrow. It would take the army a little longer to arrive.

It was late evening now, and the forge was quiet, and there was just the occasional voice outside from the guard patrols. The fire was still lit downstairs casting a warm glow. Krista was still trying to absorb the news she’d got that morning. She’d known something wasn’t right. Her headaches were back, and she began to get sickness with them. It was when she realised that she not had a bleed in eight weeks that she began to put the pieces together. She would often miss one, so it wasn’t until she missed a second one that it was fairly obvious. The healer had confirmed it that morning. She was pregnant.

Corypheus was still out there, and she would have to deal with him at some point. Not to mention what effect the Anchor might have. But she had no choice. She had the Anchor, although right now she’d have happily passed it to someone else.

She’d got through the Arbor Wilds, but had struggled. The battle against Samson had drained her, and she was grateful they came back through the eluvian and didn’t have to make the journey back.

And Cullen, she would need to talk to Cullen. Maker, he’d taken the brunt of it from her. He’d asked her to marry him and she’d turned him down. Not in desperation she’d said, she didn’t want him to marry her thinking she was going to die. But she hadn’t explained properly, and although he’d said nothing, she knew he’d been hurt. And all day she missed him not being there, not being able to crash into his office and have him just hold her.

In any other circumstance, she had no doubt he would be happy she was pregnant. But as it was now, she couldn’t imagine how he would feel. They’d almost got themselves in some form of balance, and now that was thrown to the winds.

Maker, this was a mess. And she couldn’t stop crying. 

Tired and fed up, she dragged herself back to her room. She lay on the bed still dressed and just flung a blanket over her. Exhaustion finally overtook her and she fell asleep.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cullen arrived back with Leliana, Josephine and Krista’s other companions. They’d got word that Krista, Morrigan and her team had escaped from the Temple through the eluvian. Routing the last vestiges of Corypheus’ army hadn’t been too much of a problem, and the Inquisition forces were now following on. They still had to deal with Corypheus, and right now there was no news on where he had retreated to. 

The biggest problem was Krista. He was worried everything had got too much for her. She’d really not been the same these last few weeks. And not just with him. He couldn’t blame her with all the pressure now on her. But that pressure wasn’t going to stop until Corypheus was gone.

When he asked her to marry him, he’d just assumed that she say yes. They had talked about always being together, and he assumed this would be a natural step. He was taken aback when she’d said no, not in desperation she wouldn’t. Maker, would anything ever go smoothly for them.

Cullen was debating whether to see her now or later on, when Cole appeared. He knew Krista trusted him, but having a spirit around still made him uncomfortable. 

“She’s very sad. About you and the other one.” Cole said and disappeared. 

As usual, Cullen could only understand part of what the cryptic comment meant. He guessed it was about Krista and set off to her quarters. As he turned into her room, he could see her asleep on the bed. Maker, it was late morning and she was still asleep? He went over to her and checked before sitting down next to her. He hadn’t felt the need to do that in a while, but now, Maker, he didn’t know anymore. 

As Cullen sat down, he heard her stirring. When she opened her eyes, he could see they were bloodshot, and when she lifted her arm from under the blanket, he could see she was dressed. Had she slept in her clothes?

“Cullen...you’re here...” she was waking up and rubbing her eyes. 

When he looked at her, the memory of Honnleath came to mind, she looked fragile. He had to find out what was going on with her, there was still Corypheus to deal with, and she had to be ready.

He sat back and opened his arms to let her in. “Come here” he said gently. 

He watched as she sat up, and then stopped, clutching her stomach and swallowed. She then leapt off the bed and ran into the alcove. He could hear her being sick. Cullen waited for her to come back. She was ashen now, and with her red eyes, she looked ailing. Now he was really worried. The thought that maybe she’d been infected with red lyrium came into his head. She crawled back onto the bed and shuffled into his waiting arms. 

“Krista, talk me, please. I know something’s wrong. You don’t look well” he asked concerned.

He heard a little laugh come from her. But her voice was hoarse when she spoke. “Well, Cullen. You tell me how a pregnant woman is supposed to look. I don’t have much prior experience of it myself.”

Cullen froze, did she say...? His mind was still trying to grasp what was happening, when he heard her again.

“Cullen Stanton Rutherford, lost for words, never thought I’d see the day.” She gave another little laugh.

“You’re...pregnant?” he asked, still stunned. Maker’s breath, this was the last thing he would have thought of.

“Yes, though I believe you had a hand in it too. Or maybe not a hand?” she joked.

That made him laugh, this was more like Krista. “So...when...how? How do you feel?” Cullen rubbed the back of his neck.

“I feel like shit, but at least I know why now. Not sure how far I am, possibly six weeks. As to how, well, I thought that would be obvious.” She sighed. “I’m just glad you’re back. I didn’t cope well yesterday when I found out.”

“What happened?” he asked gently.

“I sat in the forge most of the day, just crying. It was quiet with so many still not back. I thought it would be the best place to hide. So pathetic I know. The only person I wanted yesterday was still on his way back.” Krista held onto him. “I missed you.”

“I’m here now” Cullen kissed her head then asked “How do you feel about it? Children, I mean” he asked. They talked about children, but loosely. It was something in the future, not now.

“I assume you mean ours. To be honest scared, and worried they would turn out like me. I was difficult. I can’t imagine how I’d cope with me when I was younger. It’d be alright if they were like you.” She stroked Cullen’s hand.

Cullen couldn’t help, but laugh “How do know I was any better?”

“You wanted to help people. All I wanted to do was climb trees and roofs” Krista sighed. “How do you feel about it?”

Cullen lifted her head up. “You know I want to marry you. You’re the one I want to spend my life with. I would like to think children would be part of that life. ”

Krista looked at him.“I’m sorry I didn’t explain properly why I turned you down. I just wanted us to do all this when Corypheus was defeated, when there was hope. When we knew there was a future to look ahead to...” she paused, and smiled. “But then, when have we ever done things conventionally?” 

A cold hand wrenched at his gut. Corypheus. Andraste preserve me! The woman he loved, carrying their child, would have to go up against him. He could do nothing to change that, he couldn’t say no or take her somewhere safe. She was the only one who could, or there would be no future for them or anyone else. Cullen could not protect her from him. He looked at Krista watching him now.

“You’ve just realised, haven’t you?” she said, putting her hand on his cheek. “You know there is no other way. I have to do this. I’ve just had one day more to try and deal with it, albeit badly. I remember you saying to me months ago how I had to be ready because I was the Herald. Now you have to be because you’re the Commander of the Inquisition.”

Cullen leant into her hand. He’d been worried about her being ready, but it was him who wasn’t ready right now. She was right, he had to be. “Who else knows?” he asked.

“You, me and the healer” she replied.

“And Cole, he spoke to me before I came to see you.” Cullen said, now understanding what the other one meant.

“Of course he did” Krista smiled. “He always wants to help.”

“Do you want anyone else to know?” Cullen knew that this was her decision, as Inquisitor.

“Leliana and Josie should know. It’s only fair that they are aware. But no-one else right now. I need to think more about this first.” her voice was firmer now. She still looked unwell, but her resolve was back. “Can you speak to them about arranging a War Council meeting? For later though, when I hopefully feel a little better. And Morrigan has information they need to hear.”

“I will.” Cullen said, and then asked “When did you eat last?”

“Urgh, yesterday sometime. Almost everything smells too strong at the moment” she answered, wrinkling her nose. “I might give it a miss.”

“Not on my watch, you won’t. I’ll get you some plain broth.” Cullen was adamant.

“Why Commander, so forceful. Have I told you how I love it when you use that tone?” Krista teased.

“You may have mentioned it. Not that it always gets me anywhere.” he sighed.

“And there you were telling Nana you had me under control. Tut tut.” She was smiling broadly now. 

“Well, it was worth it just to see your face.” Cullen watched as Krista’s mouth opened in surprise. He smiled and dived out of the way as she grabbed a pillow.

“Now is that any way to treat the man who will be looking after you.” he said, moving back toward her as she put the pillow down.

“Shut up, Rutherford and kiss me” she said and then realised. “Maker, no, sorry, I threw up.” Krista put her hand up, and her face dropped.

“Oh for the love of...we’ve been down this road before if I recall. Come here.” Cullen leant over and kissed her. When he broke away, he felt her sigh.

“Ask me again when this is all over” she said softly, tracing her finger over his scar.

“You can be sure of it” he replied watching a smile break out on her face. As many times as you want me to, he thought.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post Shrine of Mythal and Pre Doom on the World
> 
> Cullen and Krista come to a decision. Krista goes to fight Corypheus. Converges with canon in the game
> 
> NSFW in part

Morrigan had been as good as her word, they now had a way to match Corypheus’ dragon. A trip to the Shrine of Mythal had not only provided that, but a meeting with Morrigan’s mother. Who apparently carried within her a vestige of the Elven goddess, Mythal. First finding Elves from the past, now Mythal. 

Krista wondered could it get any weirder. The Inquisition had been a long and strange road. Before this, her only concern was getting to where the next job was. Now she was responsible for thousands of people, and bringing down a darkspawn magister and his dragon. 

All the things they’d seen, been through, the people gathered around her, she could have never imagined this. Varric had suggested a title for his book about the Inquisition, ‘This Shit is Weird, the Inquisitor Trevelyan Story’. She liked the first bit a lot, considering her frequent use of the word shit. She may have actually used that exact phrase, probably. 

Krista wondered if her predecessor was as unprepared for it as she was. Probably not, she’d fallen into this quite literally. They’d got news recently of a scholar looking into the last known whereabouts of Inquisitor Ameridan. She imagined he was probably chosen, and much better equipped to deal with being Inquisitor. But this would have to wait until they’d defeated Corypheus. 

But where was Corypheus? He’d disappeared after the Temple of Mythal, and even thought they’d searched, there was no sign of him. Cullen wanted to find him first, before he had a chance to attack Skyhold. The waiting, the not knowing was causing him concern. But not as much as the thought of her going up against Corypheus. It would have been difficult for him before, but now, Krista knew he was struggling. 

He’d started to have dreams again, but this time about her dying along with their child, and it broke her heart to see him. But she knew that was a possibility, and she couldn’t lie to Cullen. He may have to face that eventuality. Krista had accepted that might happen, but she would fight like crazy to come back to him. 

Maker, he’d even got the holes in his roof and floor mended, because she liked his loft better than her room. And that was where she was about to head to. Cullen had promised her a nice, bland dinner.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Krista pushed the walkway door open, and saw Cullen sitting at his desk, with a messenger waiting nearby. He glanced up as she came in and smiled. 

“Good evening Inquisitor, I’ll be right with you” he said.

“Of course, Commander” she replied, leaning back against the wall near the door, waiting for him to finish. After a few minutes, the messenger left and he walked over to her, leaning one arm over her shoulder, against the wall.

“Ok, go for it, I know it makes you happy.” Krista grinned as Cullen rested his hand on her belly. 

“You do feel a little bigger, are you sure the timing is right?” he asked now circling his hand over her.

Krista looked at him. “How many pregnant women have you known?” she quipped.

“Maker’s breath! I was...never mind” he shook his head.

“As it happens I agree with you, it does seem to show more than I thought it would.” Krista put her hand over his. “But twins do run in my family.” Krista watched as his eyes opened wider.

“Why am I not surprised? Never one to do things by halves, are you Kitty?” he smiled. 

This had now become Cullen’s thing, calling her Kitty. Initially, it was just to get a rise out of her, but now she didn’t mind so much anymore.

“Never let be said that a Trevelyan didn’t give her all, Rutherford” she smiled back.

“Oh I’m certainly aware you do that” his hand moved from her belly to slip around her waist, as he pulled her to him and kissed her, a slow passionate kiss. She reached up and snaked her fingers through his hair.

For some reason the thought of her being pregnant seemed to spur him on more. Krista certainly wasn’t complaining. Pregnancy didn’t cool her response, as she felt the heat start to pool inside her. She pulled slowly away, breathing out.

“I believe I was lured here with food? Or was that just a ruse to get me here, and up to your loft?” she asked.

“Oh I’m definitely getting you up to my loft” he smirked. “But food was a genuine offer. There’s a basket over there.” 

As she moved away towards his desk, she felt a slap on her bottom, and gasped. Maker, she was still clothed. “What have you been thinking about all day?” she turned to look at him, feeling the same involuntary flash of heat below and on her chest. 

Cullen just gave her the smile. “Underhand, Rutherford, so underhand.” Krista shook her head and laughed. “Be careful, else I might be tempted to beg you to fuck me” she teased.

Krista turned, but before she’d taken two steps forward, he was behind her, taking hold of her hips. “Now’s whose being underhand” he breathed into her ear, pressing himself against her.

Krista’s breath hitched when she felt him, he was hard. Maker she wasn’t going to be able to hold out if this went on. Then Cullen started kissing and gently biting her neck. His hand slipped under her shirt and onto her breast. She gasped. “Cullen...”

“Yes... was there something you needed?” he asked suggestively, with both his hands on her breasts, her nipples between his fingers. Her breasts were more sensitive now, and she felt shivers go through her. She leaned back into him. 

“Oh...Maker...I...” Her body was full of spasms and jolts, and her mouth full of moans as he played with her breasts, and then slid one hand down into her pants. 

“I don’t hear any begging yet, do you need more encouragement?” he breathed, pushing his fingers into her. He then dragged them upwards onto her clitoris and started stroking. 

Krista let out a loud groan, and almost staggered, “Please...Cullen...you’re...driving me...crazy here.” The words were tumbling out near incoherently. She was more heat, ache and wetness than person, and could barely stand now. She was aware of him undoing the buttons on her pants and lifting off her shirt. 

Cullen then picked her up and propped her against his desk. Off came her shoes, and her pants were pulled down to her ankles. She couldn’t have undressed herself anyway. All she could think about was the ache and wanting him to relieve it. He lifted her onto the desk, pushed her gently onto her back, pulled off her pants, and stood between her legs. 

“You’ve gone quiet, have you changed your mind? Did you want me to stop?” he asked his voice low, teasing.

“Don’t you d...” was all she got out, when she felt his fingers pushing into her, then his mouth on her, licking her, his tongue pressing against her. She was just a bundle of need and want as he worked on her. Gasps and grunts poured from her mouth. Then it began almost to hurt. She thought she was seeing stars. She wanted him to go faster. She wanted badly to come.

“Cullen...faster...please...I...” He pressed his tongue faster and harder and pushed another finger into her. And then the surge flowed hot through her. She clenched onto his fingers, shaking, shuddering, toes curling, and moaning.

Before the pulses had even stopped, Cullen slid his cock into her, pushing in as far as he could go. “Oh...oh” came out of her mouth. And then he was thrusting into her, building up a steady rhythm. The heat was raging inside her again and the tension coiling, the moans and groans building in volume. 

“Maker, I love hearing you moan. I love making you moan” Cullen rasped, his strokes now faster. Her body was pushing back to meet him on each stroke.

Maker, she was now getting close. “Cullen, don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t....” and she came, her muscles squeezing hard onto him, and screaming. He barely lasted a few strokes more when she felt him come, his cock pulsating inside her.

“Maker’s breath!” she heard him say. “I love making you scream too.” Krista felt herself twitch in response. 

“Was that a thank you?” he asked, his voice now hoarse.

She let out a laugh making her twitch again. 

“I guess it was.” he said smiling. Cullen pulled out and sat up on the desk, breathing hard.

“Cullen? Did you lock the doors?” she asked.

“Yes...damn, no. Maker’s breath!” he got up and fumbled for his key. He went and locked the walkway door.

“Cullen?” she asked again

“Yes...?” his voice tired.

“There better not be any reports welded to my arse this time” she said laughing.

“I cleared that part of the desk before you...” he started to say

Krista interrupted “Oh I see... pre-planned was it Commander?” 

Cullen moved between her legs, resting his arms either side of her and leant over. “Down to the last detail, Inquisitor” his voice commanding, his face set.

Krista felt herself flush. “Maker, you can do that again then.” her voice was halting now. Twice she’d come, but another flash of heat went through her.

Cullen smirked at Krista “Like I said before...so under control” he said.

“What? Is that any way to treat your pregnant wife?” She then realised what she’d said as soon as the words came out of her mouth.

“You do know what you just said.” His face was now serious.

“I know, it just came out...I didn’t even think...” Krista looked away, then back at Cullen. It really was without thinking, from somewhere deep inside her. She had wanted to wait, until everything was all behind them. But right now, in that moment, that wasn’t what she wanted any more. That same little voice she heard all those months ago in Haven, whispered in her head now.

Krista lifted up her still slightly leaden arms, and cupped his face with her hands. “Marry me” she asked.

Cullen smiled broadly “I think that was my proposal, but when have you ever been one for tradition? But yes, I will. If you’re sure.” Krista nodded. He moved, and took her by the shoulders lifting her to a sitting position. He took off his coat, and dressed her in it. 

Krista watched as he got a bottle of water and handed it to her. She took big gulps, and then gave it back to Cullen. 

“And when you’ve recovered, we’re going to find Mother Giselle.” he said, kissing her.

Some minutes later, with a brief stop by her room for her smallclothes, they were heading to the Chantry room in Skyhold. Mother Giselle was there. When they explained to her what they wanted to do, she didn’t seem surprised. 

There they stood, Cullen in his armour, her in shirt and pants, taking their vows. Krista thought it was fitting, no fanfare, no huge ceremony, just the two of them promising to love each other for the rest of their days. That was all that mattered. They both smiled, and were still smiling when Cullen took her in his arms and kissed her. Maker, she loved this man.

When they returned to Cullen’s room, they finally ate dinner.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cullen was first to wake the following morning. It was unusual not to see the hole in his roof; he’d got so used to seeing the sky when he woke up. As he looked over, Cullen smiled. His wife was still asleep, still tucked up in his coat. They’d ‘celebrated’ their marriage last night, with her wearing his coat. 

He lifted the blanket and reached out, placing his hand on her belly. Their child or maybe even children he thought. If someone had told him all those months ago, that he would be married to the woman who he’d lectured and was irritated by, he would have called them mad. If he hadn’t gone after her that day, would they be here together now he wondered. Cullen felt Krista stirring.

“I didn’t mean to wake you” he said smiling at her.

She was blinking, slowly coming to. “Hey you” Krista said, still sleepy.

“How are you feeling?” he asked now stroking her belly.

“Not sure yet, I’ll let you know when I sit up. Did you get...?” she began

“In the corner, with water and a towel.” Cullen replied smiling. 

“Thank you.” She brushed her hand over his cheek and then sat up. Before long, Krista had thrown off his coat and was off in the corner, being sick.

“You’re welcome” Cullen shouted. He heard an “Urgh!” and smiled.

Eventually she padded back across the room to the bed and snuggled up to him. Cullen noticed a bite mark just below the scar over her breast. Had he done that? Krista noticed him staring at her, and looked down.

“Maker’s breath, Rutherford. Are you marking your territory now?” she teased, laughing.

Cullen rubbed his neck.”Honestly, I don’t...I don’t...even remember doing that.” he stammered.

“Well, it wasn’t the coat that bit me last night.” she giggled. “I think someone got carried away.”

“Yes...well...I might have.” he said. Krista was smirking at him now and nodding. “Alright, I did. Happy now?” he asked.

“More than you know” she said sighing.

“Me too” he said and kissed her. “We need to get up soon, we have a meeting in a couple of hours.”

Krista turned over groaning and buried her face in the pillow. Cullen couldn’t resist and slapped her smartly on the bottom. She moaned.

“Sweet Maker! Please stop training Cullen, you have way too much stamina. I won’t be able to walk at this rate.” she complained, but giggling.

Maker, he loved this woman.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cullen was waiting with Leliana and Josephine in the War Room for Krista and Morrigan. She’d gone back to her room earlier to change, after he’d made sure she ate something. Krista arrived first, Morrigan shortly after.

However much they blurred use of their titles elsewhere, here in the War Room they stuck to protocol. Krista was always the Inquisitor and Cullen was always the Commander.

“Good morning all.” Krista greeted them. Cullen responded with Leliana and Josephine.

“Morrigan now has a way to match Corypheus’ dragon. This should help us when we face him.” Krista announced, turning to Morrigan.

“Indeed, as for matching Corypheus, that is up to you Inquisitor.” Morrigan added. 

“But do we have any news about where Corypheus might be?” Krista asked, turning back to them. 

“Unfortunately not, Inquisitor.” Leliana began, hands behind her back as always. “We still have had no success finding his base.”

Cullen added “His dragon must come and go from somewhere” his voice a touch anxious. The dragon always worried him. It meant that Krista and her team had two targets to deal with. Even with the help from Morrigan, it didn’t make him feel that much better.

“What about the Deep Roads? We could send envoys to Orzammar...” Josephine suggested, waving her pen.

Right then Cullen saw the Anchor on Krista’s hand start to flare fiercely. As she lifted it up, the light was sparking, pouring over her hand and wrist, making her arm shake. Cullen gripped the hilt of his sword. He could see from Krista’s eyes, she was struggling to control it.

As it flashed brighter, the same green light erupted outside the window. They all turned to look. Cullen could see the breach was open again. Maker’s breath! He felt fear briefly seize him. Not so soon. He’d hoped they had more time. 

Morrigan spoke first “It seems that Corypheus is not content to wait. You either close the Breach once more or it swallows the world.”

Cullen turned to Leliana, then Josephine, and then back to Krista. He could see her looking at him, her expression saying, you know I have to go. He wanted to say, I don’t want to lose you. But the words he spoke belied what was in his mind. “Inquisitor, we have no forces to send with you.”

Krista’s tone was resigned when she spoke “Just as Corypheus expects I suppose.” She paused. “We need to get to the Temple of Sacred Ashes.”

As she stood there looking at him, he knew he didn’t want to let her go as he normally would have. So Cullen broke protocol for the first time ever. 

He went past Josephine and around the table to where Krista was standing, pulled her to him and kissed her. When he broke away, he said. “I love you. Whatever happens, you will come back to me...wife.” There was a gasp from Josephine.

Krista ran her finger over his scar “I love you too...husband. And I’m going to tear this bastard a new one” she said. Cullen let out a little laugh, adding to the ones coming from behind him. Even at a time like this, it was just like her to make a joke.

“Of course, Inquisitor” he replied. She went to leave, and he watched as she walked out of the door. Please Maker, don’t let this be the last time I see her, he thought.

The next thing he knew, he found Leliana and Josephine standing either side of him.

“Is there something you wish to tell us Cullen?” asked Leliana, folding her arms. He knew that sign. Her stare was keener than that of the birds she used.

Cullen rubbed his neck “Ah yes. We...um...got married last night” he admitted. 

When Leliana put her hand on his arm, it surprised him. “I am glad for you both. Normally I would suggest a party, but we have other things to worry about right now.” she said. 

“Maker watch over her, and bring her back to you.” he heard Josephine say.

“If you’ll excuse me.” Cullen left to go back to the Chantry room where they were married the previous night. This time he was there to try and draw some comfort, some strength. If he could have gone in her place, he gladly would have. But this was her battle, and he needed to believe she would win. He would pray for their safe return. His funny, unconventional, strong, beautiful wife and their child.

Cullen knelt down, then felt someone kneel next to him. It was Leliana. 

“Though all before me is shadow...” he began and she joined him.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Corypheus is gone. Krista is brought back to Skyhold unconscious, Cullen falls asleep waiting for her to wake up

Cassandra, Bull and Dorian had long reached the camp, but there was no sign of Krista. They’d seen the archdemon fly off after the landslide hit. Maker, please let her survive this, he thought. Cullen had remained at the bottom of the slope keeping watch. They’d left fire pits as markers to guide her to the camp, he hoped she would see them. His fingers found the note in his pocket, the one she’d given him before they went to set off the landslide to bury the Red Templars. He wanted to read it again, but didn’t dare take attention away from his vigil. Cullen heard someone come up and stand next to him, it was Cassandra. 

“Nothing yet?” she asked, staring up the slope.

“Nothing” he replied, refusing to turn around to face her. If he missed any sign of Krista, he would never forgive himself. Not after she’d forgiven him.

Suddenly he saw movement, a figure standing, then dropping down. “It’s her!” he shouted, running up the slope. 

Cassandra ran after him, “Thank the Maker!” the relief evident in her voice.

When Cullen reached her, she was barely conscious and seemed about to fall. “Krista, can you hear me?” Just as she started to slip forward, he caught her. “Krista, I’m here, I’ve got you.”

“Cullen...” she said, her voice barely a whisper

“Cullen” her voice louder now

“Rutherford, wake up!” 

Cullen woke up with a start, what, where...? He raised his head and looked up. For a few seconds he was confused, then realised he’d been dreaming, Haven was months ago. He was in Krista’s room. And there was only one person who ever called him Rutherford. He turned his head to face her.

“How long have you been there?” Krista asked. “You look like shit, Rutherford...” she smiled, sitting up in the bed.

Cullen remembered, and finished her sentence “...but you still love me.” he smiled back at her.

“Of course I do. Arse.” she reached her hand out to him. “Kiss me.” 

Cullen kissed her gently, and heard a satisfied little sigh. He wanted to be careful. Even thought the healers hadn’t found any injuries, she’d been unconscious since she defeated Corypheus. Bull had found her that way in the Temple, and they’d ridden hard to get her back to Skyhold. Cullen hadn’t been able to sleep, and heard their horses returning in the early hours. When he first saw Bull carrying her, he’d thought she was dead, she looked so lifeless. He never wanted to feel again the abject fear that gripped him in that moment.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

“A little tired, but fine otherwise. I don’t remember coming back here...how did I get back?” she looked around.

“The others bought you back. You’ve been unconscious for almost a day now. I was worried for you.” That was partly true. He’d been more than worried, and hadn’t dared leave her side. 

“A day? Shit!” Krista looked down, and then back at him. “Have you been here since I got back?” she asked. 

“I...yes” Cullen admitted. He knew what was coming. 

“Cullen, you know you need to get sleep, you what happens when you don’t. They must have told you I wasn’t injured.” Her tone was gentle, but scolding. “You should have got some rest. I certainly wasn’t going anywhere.”

“Maker’s breath, Kitty. I wanted to be here when you woke up. Anyway, I was obviously sleeping, else you wouldn’t have had to wake me up.” There was a touch of irritation in his voice. She seemed more concerned about his lack of sleep, than what had happened to her. Cullen saw her eyebrows shoot up briefly in surprise, and then she became pensive.

“You thought I might not, didn’t you?” she said, more statement than question. 

Cullen sighed, sometimes he wished she didn’t know him so well. “It had crossed my mind, yes” he replied. There was no point in pretending otherwise.

“Well, you forgot one thing.” she said confidently, now smiling.

“What was that then?” he asked. He began smiling too, her smile always melted him.

Krista held up her necklace with the coin “I had luck on my side.” she answered, and winked.

Cullen gave a little laugh. He couldn’t argue with that. “Kitty Rutherford, you are...” he began.

“Impossible?” she laughed.

“No, more like incredible” he said, kissing her again. “And I love you.”

“I love you too, Cullen. Now, is there any danger I could get something to drink? I’m gasping.” She folded her arms waiting for him.

“Of course, would you like it in a glass, or will straight from the bottle do?” he joked. He dodged the pillow that flew at him.

“A bottle would be fine, thank you.” She laughed “I need to work on getting faster, you’re too good at dodging.” Another wink.

Cullen got her some water, and sat talking with Krista for a while. Eventually he left, stopping off to see if Josephine was still in her office. She was, and he let her know Krista was awake. Her relief was obvious, and she ran off to find Leliana. Cullen then went back to his quarters, finally able to settle and get some sleep.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Krista was already awake and dressed, when Josie came to find her. She and Leliana had already been to see her the evening before. There had been hugging and chatting before Leliana had dragged Josie away, saying Krista needed to sleep. Maker, she’d already slept for practically a day, how much more could she need. But she’d dozed off again soon after they left. 

“Inquisitor, I just wanted to let you know preparations are in hand, everything should be...will be...ready for tonight.” Josie proudly announced, but looking a little flustered. 

“Prep...arations?” Krista asked hesitantly, a little confused. Had she missed a memo again?

“For the celebration, of course. Corypheus is defeated. We need to mark the occasion. It will be a great morale booster for our people. Obviously due to time constraints this one will be just for the Inquisition. The event to celebrate your wedding will of course be a much larger affair, we will need to invite our allies.” Josie stopped to let out a sigh. “So romantic, eloping. Just as in a novel.” She smiled. “It is good to see you well, Inquisitor. Now if you will excuse me, there is still much to do.” And with that she left.

Krista stood there, her mouth now hanging open. An...event? Oh for fuck’s sake, she thought. How the heck could she quash this one without hurting Josie’s feelings? Cullen was going to have a fit when he found out. She would have to talk to him. 

But before that she needed to speak to Leliana. Solas had disappeared, and she wanted Leliana to try and find him. He’d been deeply upset at the destruction of the orb, but it was his subsequent comment that worried her “No matter what comes, I want you to know that you shall always have my respect.” Even though some of her recollection was hazy due to exhaustion, that phrase stuck out. What did he mean, no matter what comes?

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As Krista made her way to Cullen’s office, she found the Great Hall bustling with people. She dodged her way through, into the rotunda which was eerily quiet. All that was left of Solas was the fresco, the last painting in it only an outline. She stopped and looked around at all the major milestones he had chronicled in his work. They’d been so focused getting through it all, she’d never fully appreciated how much the Inquisition had done. What now though? Their mandate, the goals Cassandra had set, were now complete. But there were still vestiges, remnants to deal with. Until then, they would need to continue.

Krista pressed on. As she went across the walkway, she could see tables being set out, and bunting being put up. Josie was nothing if not organised. Workers, soldiers had all been drafted to help. Good. Their people needed something to celebrate, to feel good about after everything they’d been through.

As she stepped into Cullen’s office, he looked up and she heard...

“Did you know about this...event?” his tone definitely annoyed.

She winced. Shit. Josie had got there first. “Only earlier. I’m not happy either, by the way. I hoped we could change her mind...gently?” she made her voice as conciliatory as she could.

Cullen glared at her “Well, I’ve already told her what I think about that. Our marriage is not a tool to be abused for political gain.”

Krista tried so hard not to laugh at that, but failed miserably. She could see Cullen rubbing his neck, now probably annoyed with her too.

“Well Cullen...” she began, and giggled.”We wouldn’t want to...abuse our tools now would we?” And then, lost it completely when she saw the realisation dawn on his face. 

“Maker’s breath!” he muttered, now smiling.

“You can be quite funny when you’re angry.” she said smirking. “Sometimes the things you say...”

“Yes, well...point taken. But I really don’t want our private life used in this way.” Krista could see he was calmer now.

“I’ll talk to her and see what I can do, alright?” she looked at him hopefully.

“Alright then.” he nodded. 

Krista walked over to Cullen and put her arms around him. “Did you get some sleep?” she asked.

“I did.” He put his arm around her and kissed her head “You were right. I did need to rest” he replied reluctantly. 

Krista giggled. “What did I say?”

“Oh...shut up” he said grinning broadly now. 

“Cullen Rutherford, for shame. Is that any way to talk to your wife?” Krista tried to keep a straight face, but to no avail. 

Cullen moved his other hand down and began to tickle her. Krista turned to run, but he caught her around the waist and pulled her backwards against him. He tickled her again, and she started squealing. It was at that point, one of the soldiers walked in, just as Cullen was leaning forward pressed against Krista, while she was bent over. The soldier took one look, turned on his heel and left. 

“You’re not going to live that one down.” Krista was now howling with laughter. 

“Sweet Maker! Trust someone to interrupt and think we’re up to something, when we’re actually not” he complained, shaking his head. 

“Gossip in the barracks, Commander. You’ll be infamous” Krista giggled.

Cullen groaned loudly.

Krista put her hand on his, “I have to go. I have visits to make, check up on everyone.” She felt Cullen let go, but then turn her around and pull her to him. She saw the smile on his face.

“One kiss” she said firmly “Save the rest for tonight, I may have a surprise for you.” She patted his bottom.

“Really?” he said “I may have one for you as well” his tone mysterious.

Cullen kissed her. It was a minute or two before she managed to pull herself away. She sighed, and turned to leave.

She felt a smack on her bottom, and her body responded the same as always. “Just making sure you don’t forget tonight” he said huskily.

Krista turned her head and smiled. “Such a bad man, but I love you.”

“I love you too.” Cullen grinned wickedly.

She made a swift exit.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Skyhold celebrates. Surprises and revelations for Cullen and Krista

Krista looked at the dress and jacket hanging up. She really didn’t like dresses, but had decided maybe one last time, just for the celebration, and to see Cullen’s face when she took the jacket off later. The dress was midnight blue almost black velvet, armless, cut in a low V at the front, and an even more scandalously low one at the back. The jacket was military style with a high collar, but shorter in the body. She needed it to hide her scar and the tattoo on her back.

Josie had helped her with her hair and make-up, but she wanted to dress on her own. She slipped on the dress. It did feel soft, especially as she was wearing nothing underneath. She hoped she didn’t trip, that would be a little embarrassing if the Inquisitor’s ‘lady bits’ ended up on view. Krista put on the jacket and shoes. She took one last look, and then made her way to the Great Hall.`

Cullen was fidgeting, this jacket still felt a little too tight. He didn’t have any formal wear of his own, so had gone to Dorian. He knew from Krista that Dorian had an almost endless amount of outfits and thought maybe he could borrow a jacket. The rest he would use from the Inquisition’s dress uniform. Finally he saw one, similar in style to the Inquisition dress uniform jacket, but a much darker red. He knew Krista liked him in the dress uniform, and thought he’d surprise her. 

He gave up and just left the front slightly open, so he could breathe properly. He took the rings from his draw and slipped them into his pocket. He managed to borrow one of her rings and use it as a template for her wedding ring. He tried practicing the trick she taught him, but Krista was right. His fingers weren’t quite as dextrous as hers. And he’d remembered something from back in Kirkwall, and wanted to see if he’d put the two pieces of the puzzle together correctly.

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Krista was chatting to Dorian near the dais, when she felt a tap on her shoulder and heard a voice “Kitty”. Cullen. She turned around and gasped, followed by “fuck me” tumbling out of her mouth. He looked so incredibly hot. She heard Dorian sniggering next to her.

“I think that follows later darling. I shall leave you two to it.” and then he left them together.

“Looking at you, I would say he definitely got that right” said Cullen staring at her. 

Krista suddenly felt as if she was standing there naked under his gaze, and flushed. Maker, how was he doing this to her? They’d been through so much together already, but right then it felt like they’d only just begun. When he moved closer, she thought he was going to kiss her, but instead he brushed his hand against her ear, and brought it forward, revealing the ring. Krista smiled, blinking slowly. The trick she’d taught him.

“I believe this is yours, Kitty Rutherford” he said, taking her hand and putting on the ring. He then took another ring out of his pocket and gave it to her. 

“Yours I think, Cullen Rutherford” she grinned and put the ring on his hand. “Nicely done, by the way.”

“Thank you” Cullen said smiling.”So, shall we announce it now and get it over with?” 

“Works for me” Krista turned, and whistled. She saw Cullen press his finger to his ear. 

“Maker, you whistle as loud as you scream” he complained.

The Great Hall fell silent.

Krista began. “Firstly I would express my heartfelt and profound gratitude to all of you. We all stood together as allies and friends, along this long and difficult road. None of us really knew what we were chasing, until it found us back in Haven. Once we did, I think every one of us was determined to succeed in bringing Corypheus and his forces down. Not to do so, would have meant quite literally the end of the world as we knew it. I am pleased that we finally managed to, if you’ll excuse the phrase, tear the bastard a new one.” 

Krista paused as gales of laughter and cheering ensured. “Now, I know that the food and drink on offer, kindly organised by Josie, are more interesting than speeches. But” Krista took Cullen’s hand. “I’d just like to let you all know that Commander Cullen and I got married. So no more Lady Trevelyan jokes please. Enjoy the celebration!”

Krista turned to Cullen who pulled her to him, and kissed her. She heard a wolf whistle from Sera and a “about time too” from Varric amongst the clapping and cheering. When they broke away, they were both smiling. 

After all the offers of congratulations, Cullen watched as Krista went to mingle. He went and stood with Cassandra, and watched Krista moving through the crowd chatting and smiling. She did have a talent for this he thought. He personally hated this sort of thing. 

“She did well after all, didn’t she?” Cassandra said. “I always wondered Cullen, how did you two get together? I mean, there was a time neither of you had a good word for each other.”

“Remember when she used to wander off?” Cullen saw Cassandra nodding. “One day I went after her myself instead of sending one of the soldiers. And I suppose we found out we were more alike than we knew. I almost didn’t go. It was Bull who...” In that moment Cullen realised he’d been manoeuvred by Bull into chasing after her. He let out a laugh.

“Cullen?” Cassandra asked, looking at him.

“I just realised, I was conned into fetching her back by Bull. I suspect he saw something neither of us did.” Cullen smiled. He owed Bull a debt of gratitude for that.

“I’m glad. You are good for each other. And I understand another one is on the way. Congratulations!” Cassandra smiled. Cullen looked at her curiously. Cassandra continued. “She told us today when she came to see us, she wanted to let us know personally, rather than announce it. Well, all except Vivienne. Her reasons for that are her own; I prefer not to get involved with that one.”

“Ah I see. Thank you” he replied. Cullen knew Krista’s feelings about Vivienne all too well. She couldn’t stand Vivienne’s posturing. Krista did respect her skills as a mage, and her support for the Inquisition, but couldn’t bear her personally.

Cullen saw Krista looking at him; she looked like she needed rescuing from an Orlesian noble, a man who always seemed to hang around the Great Hall. He excused himself, and extracted her from the situation. As he took her arm, he whispered “Let them celebrate, I have other plans for us.”

“Commander, is there something on your mind?” she asked in a mock innocent tone.

“Everything” he answered brazenly. They walked to the door of her quarters and went upstairs.

Once they got to her room, Krista took off her jacket and laid it on the desk, surreptitiously picking up the handcuffs and picks at the same time. She could hear Cullen’s breathing hitch as he saw the back of her dress, or more precisely the lack of one, her tattoo on show. She saw him take off his jacket. Krista strolled out onto the balcony, putting one cuff on her wrist, and heard him come up behind her. Cullen put his arms around her, resting his hands on her belly, and kissed the side of her neck.

“So, you promised me a surprise?” he said breathing into her neck. She could feel his shirt against her back.

Krista took hold of his hand and snapped the other cuff on his wrist, saying “Oh yes. Did you mean this one?” she asked.

“What the...?” she heard. Krista smiled and turned.

“I thought I’d like to revisit our first adventure, but without the bandits. I hope you don’t mind” she kissed his chest.

“I think I might approve of that. Somewhere more comfortable this time though” Cullen answered, his voice lower.

They went over to the bed. Cullen got on first, sitting up against the headboard, then Krista sat astride him as she’d done before. They bought up his cuff first and she began working on it, feeling her way. As she did, she felt Cullen put his hand under her dress and start to slide it up her thigh, with his thumb on the inside, stroking her skin. Shit, she was having real problems concentrating now. She could feel the heat start to pool inside her. These cuffs were more complicated, and she needed to concentrate. 

“Maker’s breath Cullen, you’re distracting me. My hands will start shaking at this rate and we’ll be stuck with these bloody cuffs on” she complained.

“I’m sorry, would you like me to stop?” he teased.

“For the moment” she replied, trying to gather her wits. He stopped moving his hand, but his thumb was still stroking the inside of her thigh. Her hand slipped and one of the picks flew off onto the bed. “Oh for fuck’s sake” she cursed and reached around looking for it. She finally got hold of it.

“Kitty, can I ask you something?” Cullen said.

Krista was now flustered, aching, struggling to concentrate, and now he wanted to distract her more. “Cullen, if I answer your question, will you stop distracting me so can get these damn things off. Maker knows why I got these, they’re harder to do than the last lot.” She sighed in frustration.

“I promise” he said. “Did you work in Starkhaven, as well as Kirkwall?” 

Krista stopped dead, and looked at Cullen. She got the feeling he might have worked out who she was. “Possibly” she said watching him now.

“It’s just that I remembered a conversation with Rylen back in Kirkwall. He was sent from Starkhaven to help after everything fell apart, and I was trying to put back together what was left of the Order. There was a break-in at the Viscount’s offices not long before I joined the Inquisition, and he thought it sounded similar to a couple of notorious ones in Starkhaven.” Cullen paused.

Krista said nothing, but a little smile came to her lips. He had pieced it together. She waited.

“He said that they called the thief..” but before he could finish, she pressed her finger to his lips. “I know what they called that thief, but that thief doesn’t exist anymore. Do they? Cullen?” she asked.

“I suppose not, but you kept a memento didn’t you?” he smiled, moved his hand and stroked her back.

Krista laughed “Call it vanity, it was a bad idea. I learnt my lesson. Now can I finish these cuffs please?”

“Go ahead, I’ll keep my hand out of your way.” He smirked “But only until you’ve finished.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way” Krista bit her lip. 

She started to work again, but was still having problems. She’d never tried to do this aroused before, and suspected right now the ache between her legs was the issue. I need to calm down she thought. “Cullen, I’m afraid we’re stuck like this until I can settle. Your distractions have totally screwed my concentration” she said, removing the picks from his cuff. 

When she looked up Cullen was grinning. “Yes, I know I didn’t think this one out. Last time there was less of a distraction” A deep sigh came out. She laid her picks on the bed.

Cullen laughed.”So there was something of a distraction then.” He motioned her closer.

Krista shuffled up closer to Cullen. “A little, maybe. But I could still concentrate. Don’t forget we’d only just ceased hostilities.” 

“Yes, I remember.” Cullen smiled. “I realised something today, when talking to Cassandra. It was Bull who convinced me to come and fetch you that day, I nearly didn’t go.”

“The sneaky bastard!” Krista exclaimed, shaking her head. “You know they started teasing me about you. When you lectured me and I complained about you. It used to really piss me off.”

“What did they say?” Cullen asked, now smiling.

“Something about repressed sexual tension, and comments about weapons, and the use thereof. Well, I think you can imagine. I told them they were mad” Krista replied smiling back. She paused for a moment. “But I think they might have been right looking back. The first day we kissed I could barely hold back.” 

“You weren’t the only one. It felt almost overwhelming.” Cullen was now staring at her. 

Krista swallowed. “Cullen, I want to...to kiss you.” Krista didn’t understand why she was asking him, they were married, but she wanted to.

“I want you to kiss me” Cullen replied, his voice heavy with longing, and slid his hand around her back, drawing her closer.

Krista put her hand around his neck, and kissed him. In that moment there was just love and hunger for each other. The sheer need to be joined, no longer separate. The rest of the world ceased to exist in that moment for her. She almost cried, she felt so happy.

Cullen felt Krista pull away, “I love you. I think I always did.” she said slightly breathless. When she looked into his eyes, he could see her eyes were glinting.

“I love you. I don’t know what I’d be without you.” Cullen saw her smile, this time a soft, shy smile he’d never seen before. It was as if a final layer that he didn’t know even existed, had crumbled away revealing her inner self, with all her vulnerabilities. Cullen held Krista to him; always full of surprises, he thought. He heard her start to giggle.

“Why are you giggling?” he asked.

“I’m just happy. Happy it’s all over, happy I have you. I’m just happy” she said.

Cullen moved her back to see her face. “Me too. I have never felt anything like this. As long as I have you, that’s all that matters.”

“Don’t forget the bump” she said patting her belly.

“The what?” he asked incredulously.

“Well, we don’t who they are, or even possibly how many. The bump seemed easier.” She laughed.

“Maker’s breath, you are impossible.” Cullen stroked her face. “OK and the bump, if you must.” Cullen put his hand on her belly, thoughtful. “What do you think they will be like?” he asked.

“Well, definitely blond. But I hope they have your amber eyes. Imagine a girl with that combination.” She laughed. 

“What’s wrong with your eyes, you have beautiful eyes. I never know what tinge they’ll take on next. Right now they look greenish. But I’ve seen them more blue or more grey.” he said. One day he would have to see if they changed with her moods, he thought.

“Your combination is rarer, and infinitely more stunning.” she smiled, blinking at him in an exaggerated manner.

“Maker’s breath! I think you’re biased.” he replied, now rubbing his neck.

“Of course I am.” She paused. “Seriously though, I just hope they are happy, healthy, they care, and try to do the right thing.” Krista seemed thoughtful. 

“Cullen? I was thinking. I may not always be able to be in Skyhold after the baby is born and I’d like to ask Nana to stay with us to help. What do you think?” Cullen smiled. “What?” she asked.

“Nana wanted us to let her know when we had children. That’s what I promised her I’d do. I think she was still testing me actually.” He paused. “I suspect she’d want to come.” He watched a huge smile spread across her face.

“So that’s what she whispered to you. She’s a crafty thing. Well, you’ll also have another person to play chess with.” Krista stroked her finger down his chest.

Cullen couldn’t resist teasing her. “Well, I could with you, if you’d let me teach you.”

He heard her groan “I’m not very strategic. I leave that to my Commander. Now tactics, that I can do” She smirked.

“Yes, I’m well aware of that, believe me. But I still think you might like chess.” He knew it was almost futile, but thought one day she might agree. He just needed to wear her down.

“Actually, there was one other thing I was curious about” he said, now stroking her belly again.

“What’s that?” Krista replied.

“How did you get the nickname Kitty?” Cullen asked.

Krista looked at him. “Promise not to laugh” he nodded. “When I was very young, one of the cats had a litter, and I pretended I was one of them, and made Nana call me Kitty. The name just stuck after that.” She saw him smiling. “Urgh, you’re going to haunt me with that now, aren’t you?”

“Not necessarily” he said, now grinning. “But it’s good to have that information.” Maker, this was gold he thought. 

Krista grabbed a pillow with her free arm, but Cullen held her back and kissed her. Krista dropped the pillow. 

When he eventually broke, away he said “Krista Elena Rutherford, I love you.”

“Cullen Stanton Rutherford, I love you too.”

“Does that invitation to fuck you still stand?” he asked lustfully.

“Maker, yes! What are you waiting for?” she replied, her voice demanding.

Cullen kissed her again, and felt her moans roll into his mouth. They still had the handcuffs on, but between the two of them, he knew they’d figure something out. They always did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've made it this far, thank you for bearing with me and my head canon. 
> 
> I would really appreciate any feedback on how you feel the story progressed and the character interaction. It would help me enormously.
> 
> There will be an epilogue to follow.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue. 
> 
> Krista is in labour, Cullen waits for news
> 
> POV Cullen

Cullen was sitting in his office, trying to go through reports. He’d hoped that after they’d defeated Corypheus it would be a question of just mopping up the last vestiges of his forces and closing any remaining rifts, then winding up the Inquisition. It didn’t seem to be quite working out like that. It appeared that any and every problem was now laid at the Inquisition’s door.

Krista had eventually agreed to stop working, after much complaining from both him and Nana. His wife was always obstinate; there were no two ways about that. But the screaming, Maker’s breath, the whole of Skyhold could hear Krista in labour. If he thought she was loud before, she’d reached a whole other level. He wanted to be with her, but had been convinced it was wiser if he wasn’t.

So far Krista threatened had to strangle him with his coat, smash his head to pieces on his desk, castrate him, and apparently the latest was to yank out his spine and beat him to death with it. Nana was pretty sure she would be out of the birthing chair and attacking him if she so much as heard him, let alone saw him. She probably wouldn’t have had the stamina to stealth, but he wouldn’t put it past her to try.

He heard labour was painful, but until he heard the screams, he hadn’t quite appreciated how much so. Hearing her in pain like that made him feel bad. And she was carrying twins. She’d guessed right all those months ago. All he could do was wait to be called up to see her. But he was also excited to be a father. When he joined the Templars, it wasn’t something he thought would ever happen. And finding Krista wasn’t something he bargained for either. 

He heard the door open and saw Nana. 

“So, Cullen, do you want to come and see your children then?” she was smiling broadly.

“It depends, is it safe to go up there yet? Or has Kitty thought of another way to plot a horrible death for me?” He was half joking, half serious.

“I think you’re safe now young man. You have two healthy children, a boy and a girl” Nana motioned him to follow.

Cullen smiled broadly; it was what they’d both hoped for. He followed Nana up to their bedroom. He’d moved in with Krista, but they’d still spent nights in his loft, until the ladder was too much for her to climb. As he turned to go into the room, he saw Krista sitting up in bed.

She looked tired, but she was grinning now.

Cullen went over to her and hugged her “I love you, you know that.” 

Krista held on to him “I love you too, now go and check out our children. They don’t look much like us you know.”

Cullen heard Nana sigh loudly “Kitty, how many times do I have to tell you, your babies will have blue eyes to start with, it will change later. And their hair colour too. Such a complainer.”

Cullen went over to the cots, the midwife moved to give him space. “They both have dark hair?” he asked. He was nervous to touch them, they both looked so small.

“Not another one!” exclaimed Nana. “It’s just as well I’m here, I don’t know what you two would do. As hopeless as each other.” She went up to Cullen. “Would you like to hold them?”

Cullen looked at her “I would, just remind me what to do, the last time I held a baby was after my youngest sister was born.”

Nana lifted one of the babies from its cot. “Cullen, this is your daughter.” And showed him how to hold her.

“Hello, little one, I’m your father, and I will take care of you always.” Cullen looked over as Krista, one hand over her mouth and tears in her eyes. 

“Have you thought of a name yet?” asked Nana.

Cullen and Krista spoke in unison. “Cara Mihris” they said.

Cullen saw Nana turn away, but just before she did, he thought he saw her eyes moisten. She quickly composed herself and took Cara away, and then handed Cullen his son.

“Hello, little one, I’m your father, and I will take care of you always.” Cullen made the same promise to his son as he had to his daughter. 

“What are you going to call him?” asked Nana

Cullen looked at Krista. “That one is still under debate I believe?” he said.

“Indeed, we’ve not reached an agreement yet.” Krista shook her head.

Cullen handed back his son to Nana and went to sit with Krista. “How do you feel?” he asked, knowing full well her answer.

“Like shit, Rutherford...” she began

“Do you still love me?” he asked interrupting.

Krista smiled “I will love you for the rest of my days. But put another child into me and the rest of your days may be shortened.”

Cullen laughed “I love you too” he said and kissed her.

**Author's Note:**

> Their story continues in Lean On Me, which covers events from the Trespasser DLC. * Will contain spoilers *


End file.
